I had just finished posting when I decided to check the stats on the blog. I saw a lot of traffic on Pastor Daniels and decided to search her name and see if anything new had happened. Turns out that her church has placed a monument to her where the church used to be. For those who come here because of the posts about her, I thought you might like to see this.
KFOR - Community remembers pastor with monument
Certainly a day of remembrance for me. A day to remember one that I will not see again and a day to remember one that I was never fortunate enough to ever meet. Perhaps someday I will be fortunate enough to be in Oklahoma, I will stop by the monument in the same way that I stopped my darlings grave today.
You matter, you are important and you are capable of knowing more than you do. You know that you exist and that can lead you to knowing other truths. If you bother, you can know other people and their truths. If you are interested in a subject, click the tag at the bottom of any post for more posts on the same general subject.
Monday, February 13, 2012
A Visit to a Cemetery
I don't visit cemeteries often. I have buried many, many people; but, rarely go back to visit. I am much more likely to think about those who have passed away rather than visit the place where they are buried. I visited a grave today, I had promised myself that I would do it and I did.
I visited the resting place of the love of my life. It was not meant to be, outside forces and the world got in the way. I left her flowers and candy cane, her sister had left her candy canes so I figure she must have liked candy canes. I left them for valentines day just before the place closed so I would know that they would be there in the morning for her. Stupid, right? She will never see them nor taste the candy canes. I just felt a need to do it.
She is buried in a little hill in front of a little white church, it is a very pretty place. While I was placing the flowers and candy, a car pulled up in front of mine, the person looked at me and then drove to the other side of the hill and parked; but, never got out. The driver was a woman of about my age. I left the things on the grave which still looks very recently dug. I then got in my car and drove away. I wondered why the woman in the car had parked next to me and then moved on, I wondered if it might be my love's sister. I am never not an analyst.
It is possible that the woman was scared of me; but, I was just some guy placing flowers and candy canes on a grave at 4:30 in the afternoon the day before Valentine's day, I don't think I looked that scary, just sad. Maybe she was there to visit someone's grave that was nearby where I was and she wanted to be alone; it is a new part of the cemetery and there cannot be more than three close by. Perhaps I shall never know. Life is like that sometimes.
I have felt that there was something left for me to do in order to completely be free of my past and I didn't know what it was. I have had the feeling that there was some unfinished business and I think this was it. My elders are all dead, my house and prior life are now gone never to return. Saying goodbye to her was a finality, it was the last attachment that is gone that needed to be recognized.
So now I am free to do as I wish, I am free to date, free to move where I wish, free to do whatever I want. I don't wish to move, I like where I am. I cannot say there is anything in particular that I wish to do other than write. I do not think I wish to date, I think I am done with that. I think I will focus on work more. I only have to work a couple more years and there are some things I would like to see happen.
I don't know where my life will take me; heck, I cannot believe where I have been and how I got here I will never know. What I do know is that there are certain people that I will not see again and certain things that I will not do again. Closing doors and new roads are a fact of life if we are lucky enough to see them. I think I have shut off the lights and closed the doors to parts of my life that are never to return.
The Beatles - In My Life
I visited the resting place of the love of my life. It was not meant to be, outside forces and the world got in the way. I left her flowers and candy cane, her sister had left her candy canes so I figure she must have liked candy canes. I left them for valentines day just before the place closed so I would know that they would be there in the morning for her. Stupid, right? She will never see them nor taste the candy canes. I just felt a need to do it.
She is buried in a little hill in front of a little white church, it is a very pretty place. While I was placing the flowers and candy, a car pulled up in front of mine, the person looked at me and then drove to the other side of the hill and parked; but, never got out. The driver was a woman of about my age. I left the things on the grave which still looks very recently dug. I then got in my car and drove away. I wondered why the woman in the car had parked next to me and then moved on, I wondered if it might be my love's sister. I am never not an analyst.
It is possible that the woman was scared of me; but, I was just some guy placing flowers and candy canes on a grave at 4:30 in the afternoon the day before Valentine's day, I don't think I looked that scary, just sad. Maybe she was there to visit someone's grave that was nearby where I was and she wanted to be alone; it is a new part of the cemetery and there cannot be more than three close by. Perhaps I shall never know. Life is like that sometimes.
I have felt that there was something left for me to do in order to completely be free of my past and I didn't know what it was. I have had the feeling that there was some unfinished business and I think this was it. My elders are all dead, my house and prior life are now gone never to return. Saying goodbye to her was a finality, it was the last attachment that is gone that needed to be recognized.
So now I am free to do as I wish, I am free to date, free to move where I wish, free to do whatever I want. I don't wish to move, I like where I am. I cannot say there is anything in particular that I wish to do other than write. I do not think I wish to date, I think I am done with that. I think I will focus on work more. I only have to work a couple more years and there are some things I would like to see happen.
I don't know where my life will take me; heck, I cannot believe where I have been and how I got here I will never know. What I do know is that there are certain people that I will not see again and certain things that I will not do again. Closing doors and new roads are a fact of life if we are lucky enough to see them. I think I have shut off the lights and closed the doors to parts of my life that are never to return.
The Beatles - In My Life