I'm Going to Talk About Sex, but the kids can read

Sex as sport, that is what it has been relegated to. Here is an article about a girl who spent her time in college sleeping around with the athletes. It got published online along with pictures of the guys. Wow, what a fine young lady she must be.

I have linked to a story about what she said but not her document. I did this intentionally. I read her actual document, it was sad. For those who have followed this blog, I have never discussed my sex life. I have never talked about how the ex was physically or in bed. All I have ever mentioned is that I have herpes. I highly doubt that if she does know about my blog that she would ever recommend it to a boyfriend. If she did, he wouldn't read about our sex life.

The woman that wrote the a thesis on the boys she slept with, so many issues. Lets start with the fact that she rating them on how well they did in bed. She didn't view them as people, just experiences. Her writing shows that she was not interested in love, just sex. Pretty shallow young lady. I know guys can be the same way.

Read the comments to the article. One says, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander". Basically a whole bunch of women applauded her because SOME guys do it also. How pathetic. We promote imitating the worst rather than the best. MOST guys do not and only sleazy guys tell about the sexual "conquests". How disgusting.

From the article we can see that she later apologized. She did not plan for everyone to read what she wrote, it was meant for a couple of "friends". She did in fact have some shame. I am sure that what she wrote was meant to be amusing to a couple of friends who already knew. Her writing did not appear to intend to be malicious. This article however comes on the heels of a young gay man who his roommate secretly filmed having sex. The boy committed suicide.

People take their privacy seriously for certain things. I am not afraid, nor would I care, if my ex told people I had herpes. Heck, anyone I am going to sleep with is going to know it up front. I am embarrassed by it; but, anyone I am going to sleep with deserves to know and would. It shouldn't really make a difference to people I don't sleep with.

While what she e-mailed to her friends was disturbing enough, the bigger issue is how she viewed these people she slept with. They were nothing to her, they were not even people, just subjects. Their lives were an experiment. We should not view other people as "subjects", it justifies others viewing us in the same manner.

I went to a meeting today, I do that sometimes. I met with a very important attorney. A friend and I met with him regarding some business decisions. After the meeting my friend and I had lunch. He had salmon and I had a burger, we went to a very nice place. The burger was $15. It was pretty good. While debriefing each other about the meeting and kicking around some ideas he mentioned that the high powered attorney was slightly intimidated by me.

I promise you kids, I am just a quiet little guy. I asked my friend why this high powered person felt uneasy. In the end my friend told me it was because I am so direct. Why is being direct considered harsh? Why is lying okay? The truth is the truth. I think the problem is that people know that I mean what I say. Shouldn't we mean what we say and shouldn't we speak the truth. Of course we should; but, some things should be private. In business we need to discuss things, in our private lives we should not. It has to do with possible consequences and the need to know, to be informed.

My ex told me that nothing I ever said to her was private even though she assured me it was over the years. We cannot change the rules after we have made the promise, that makes us scum. If the young lady who wrote the "thesis" had told the men that she was going to rate them and publish then it would be their fault regardless of the outcome. I don't think she told them, the issue is one of informed consent.

What should be the limits of privacy? What does informed consent have to do with sex? In an age where people publish videos of them having sex, do we all have to record our sexual moments? Do we need to record our bowel movements? What is private?

After all of that we have a matter of forgiveness. This girl screwed up and knows it. What can she do now. Eat it, apologize and learn from it. She cannot undo it or blame her friends for passing it along when she sent it to them. She wrote it and sent it first. It is not a question of how many people she sent it to, it is the fact that she sent it to anyone. It may very well used against some of the men, too late to fix that.

As for the men, you slept with a woman you didn't know or care about. She has given her opinion of you. If you sleep with anyone, not caring what happens, you take that risk. I was married, I had a expectation of privacy, that is what the courts call it. These men didn't care and therefore had no expectation of privacy.

That is my post for the night. I hope it causes a moment of pause. Be well.