What Sex Laws Should We Have?

For anyone reading this that has not followed the blog, lets list some simple facts. I preach, I have only been with one woman in my whole and have turned down plenty of opportunities, I have three daughters, am a pacifist and all of this can be easily seen by reading previous posts. I believe the most complete connection we can have with another, the chance to be one only occurs between a man and a woman; but, I don't think people go to hell for being gay and preach to gays without ever telling them to change. Don't think you know my beliefs or try and place your hangups or biases or bigotry on me and don't presume to know my opinion. Read what I have to say and think. That means to just listen.

Some people would say that we should not have laws about sex. That would mean that things like child molestation, necrophilia (if you don't know that word, you don't need to), bestiality and rape would all be legal. I don't believe in that, I think they should be illegal. I believe we can outlaw non-consensual sex, that is violence against another. I don't believe you should be allowed to force yourself on anyone or being that has not expressed consent or allowed things to proceed further. At some point you do have to say no or consent may have already been rightfully presumed. We have to figure out where that line might be.

I believe a man can rape a woman even if they are married. Yep, it has to be consensual. I don't believe that the rules of the game are the same when you are not married. There is a reason. My wife enjoyed sex with me and I enjoyed sex with her, for 25 years. If my wife had a complaint it was that we did not have enough sex. The Pimpernel does not tell stories or lie. My wife also liked waking up to sex and when I was rested enough I would wake her up sex, I would please her as she woke, as she was in that in-between place, in between dreaming and waking. I assure you, men enjoy waking the same way if their wives choose to so surprise them. Is that consensual sex? Heck, my wife and I had sex drunk after more than one party. Was that consensual on either of our parts? It felt good and the time and we both enjoyed it and neither ever complained.

I have no interest and am turned off with having sex with two women or entering a woman from behind. These things hold absolutely no attraction to me. A female friend of mine once asked me if I would engage in such activities if my wife had really wanted to experience them. The answer to two women is simple, NO. I would not do it. I am not interested in sex, I am interested in being with someone who attaches to me completely. That left one question and I still cannot answer that. Today, I think my answer would be yes. I would want to please my mate in whatever way I could without violating my own principles. Don't forget I am a pacifist.

What if I really wanted to have sex from behind and my wife did too. Would it be wrong to do such a thing? Should that be illegal? Mutual consent for something that can be done safely? At what point in time do we deem consensual acts to be illegal? Sex with children is easy to put aside, consent requires understanding and a 5 year old does not understand what sex means. They cannot give consent. A corpse cannot give consent, an animal cannot give consent, a person in a coma cannot give consent; but, a person who consents to have drunk sex in advance of getting drunk can give consent.

My wife and I got drunk on our honeymoon night and had sex. Would you wish to jail me because she was drunk? A college girl who is not engaged who gets drunk and a young man who wobbles her to his room and then sleeps with her while she is asleep is not sleeping with the woman in a consensual situation. He is a criminal. He has no idea as to what she expects from him, she is passed out. I had a right to expect more from the woman I married and had children by. I already knew what she liked and what we had come to expect from one another over time. She liked it when I woke her up with sex.

The issue I am discussing is called "informed" consent. It means more than saying yes or no. It refers to reasonableness of exceptions. Let us consider an extreme example of factual situations that might occur. Let us assume that the douche bag, Stephan Hawking, was with a woman. Let us say that he typed out, "Lets have sex" to the woman and it took 20 minutes for him to write it out. Now, let us assume that she said yes, undressed him; put him on the bed and made love to him. If he got back in his chair and typed out, "No, I changed my mind, lets not have sex" after they slept together, would she be guilty of rape?

Now lets talk about how the media manipulates the truth to get you to react.

Yahoo - Reuters - California passes 'yes-means-yes' campus sexual assault bill.

The media portrays this as a competition between two sides, the sides that say everything is rape and those who say everything is legal so long as there is not a complaint.  Is that true, is that really the question, is the question that simple?

Let me ask this question. A woman goes to a frat party and someone slips her ecstasy, she approaches a man who has no idea that she is high and she starts rubbing him and he gets turned on and starts making out with her, they end up in bed and she has sex with him, is he guilty of rape when he didn't know she had been drugged?

None of this is or will ever be an issue in my life. It is still worthy or consideration when looking at the bigger question, consent. Where is the point of no return? Or what must someone do to indicate that they have reached that point or changed their mind?

Look beyond the headlines and emotions, ask yourself the deeper questions. Agree, disagree with me; but, don't simplify the issues, address them and I will posts responses that are not foul.

My Ever Changing Surroundings

For a little more than four years I have had people living with me that needed a place to stay. One is a younger man that needed a start and I helped him to find his start. He is now engaged and about to move out. I am both sad and happy. We have had plenty of good times and I exposed him to many new restaurants and flavors. As we both like to cook this has been fun for me. I am thrilled that he has found a good job with real career opportunities and a chance to have a decent life. Tonight he thanked me for all that I had done. He is the last of the many people who lived with me in my home.

For the past seven years I have housed so many people that I have lost count and they are all in better situations today. I guess it is only right that as I prepare to retire, they all go their ways. I guess I am feeling empty nest syndrome. My children grew and moved out, the people I helped with a place to stay have all moved out and the people I mentored in business are all now pursuing their careers (and quite well if I may say so).

This last young man was different. I didn't know him at all when I let him move into my house. He was a friend of a friend of one of my daughters and had just lost the couch that he was sleeping on at another home. He was trying to correct a DUI that he had gotten. We took care of that problem. He was a little confused at first, I don't think anyone had ever given him a chance like I did.

At first when he moved into my house we used to talk and listen to music and comedy sketches on my laptop. Later he brought in one friend and then another. Two of them did not have living fathers or strong father figures. Another young man that lived with me for awhile along with his girlfriend did not have strong father figures to look to. I sort of became a dad to these young people.

All these young people watched what I did and how. If I would have done other than my word they have noticed; but, I think I lived my word whether you agree with my beliefs or not. The media doesn't seem to believe that good older male figures (father figures) are important anymore. It is. It is very important. My dad was a great dad and I have always believed that if I could be as good a role model as him, I would have achieved the world.

Sometimes when I do something new and well, I want to call my dad and tell him or ask him how he would deal with a particular situation. Unfortunately my father passed away a few years ago. I am fortunate, I have an older male friend who I can call and bounce ideas off of. He used to be my boss and is retired and now I am about to retire and I still need to have him around.

You might ask yourself what I get in return for mentoring or helping others. It is pretty simple. When one of the young people I helped gets further ahead and tells me how something I did was helpful to them in making the right decision. I feel fantastic, it means I spent my time well helping another. Heck, one of my greatest work achievements was mentoring a young man who is kicking butt and taking names and for the right reasons. He is also now mentoring a young man that had a rough beginning and no good father figure. The young man I mentored is now older and is mentoring another, he already had a fantastic father; but, I taught him the world. I think I was like an older brother to him. I love him like a younger brother.

Anyways, I am sad tonight to see the last of them go. I am sad to see this young man go; but, I am also glad. He is off to make his journey and that is why I help young men, to see them make their journey. I do not have any boys, I have three daughters and I love them all and am proud of them all. I also have two son in laws; but, they both have their own fathers.

I am proud to see young people grow up that were part of my extended family; but, am sad that our time together is over. When I was young my job was to learn. When I became a young adult, my job was to show what I could do. As I became middle aged my job was to see how far I could take it all and how much of my integrity I could retain. I am retiring and will have a new job. I wish I could call my dad and ask what that new job is.