One Less Thing

Today I did something special, I sent the final payment to my attorney. The divorce ended a while ago; but, there was still some little business to be taken care of. Two things really, one was some paperwork on the house and the other was writing up the paperwork that gives my ex-wife half of my retirement. Both those things are completed so my case is over.

It felt good to pay off my attorney, I had wanted to do it in person; but, I think she is too busy. When I put the check in the mail, I felt as if it was finally over, that last little thing. Sure, I still have the debt to pay off; but, that will happen. This was the last payment for the marriage or for the divorce. In 2013 we will return to court and they will cut her payment. In 2014 I will retire, she will get just about half and I will be done with it completely. As it is I don't think about the payments, my wages are garnished so I never see it.

I don't have any feelings about what happened anymore, I just don't care. I regret that she did what she did; but, I just don't care anymore. I knew that when I put the check in the mail, it was all over finally. I don't really wish to see her again; however, in 2013 I will and that is far enough away that I probably won't even really notice.

It is funny how the passage of time has soothed what was a very open and painful sore. The sadness, the anger, the confusion are all gone, almost as if they never were. Hard to explain. Funny how the mind heals itself, how it protects itself. My mind has certainly been tested, tore down only to rebuild itself as it had intended, to return to self and then heal and strengthen. I never gave up on being me, the person I intended rather than one built around this world and it's cookies.

YouTube - Al Stewart - Time Passages

Pulling yourself together is a question of rediscovering what matters to you. It is asking yourself about your priorities and knowing that those things are what you would really choose. I like being me, I like knowing that I choose who I am and don't care if I get rewarded with cookies or beat with a stick, won't and hasn't changed who I am.

My train of thought was interrupted, my sister called me and we had a lovely conversation. I have absolutely no idea what I was thinking.

Oh, yeah. I payed off my attorney, one less thing, one less scar, be well.