I am Angry

In this life you cannot buy true love or true loyalty. You cannot buy the truth, character or honor. All of these things are given freely or not at all.

A few years ago I had a relative working for a wealthy person who lived near the Reagan Presidential Museum. My relative lived on the property. There was a fire near the museum and it was out of control. I think it was called the Simi Valley fire but I really don't remember for sure. My relative called me to say that we couldn't meet because he was watering down the roof of the house of the person he worked for so that it wouldn't catch fire. I drove out to the place and helped. The fire got within feet and I personally saved this man's horses and got someone to evacuate them.

When the fire had been put out and the problem was over, the person my relative worked for didn't even bother to say thank you to me for helping. I didn't say anything about it, I just went home. I have helped many people in my life and I have leant many more money. I have discovered that most never pay you back either and that you should never expect either help or repayment in any form. In fact, I have made people's careers and had them stab me in the back, including people I personally promoted.

The sense of betrayal can bitter and I know, my wife left me for another man, the hardest betrayal of all. Yet, somehow I forgave her in my heart and him. I still think about it sometimes; but, yea, I forgave them, they have to live with what they do and did, not me. The time to really practice forgiveness is when you are angry, that way it gets easier to forgive.

UPDATE:

I'm really mad. When I was asked to preach around five years ago, I wrote a post which asked what I would tell my kids. How do I tell my kids that I am going to be preaching? That was the post. Where the hell does someone find the ego to claim that they can explain the bible or who God is? For me, I was asked to. In fact, I was tricked into preaching. I thought it was a one off. Sort of like a guest lecturer. I didn't think it would cost me thousands and pay me nothing or last for years.

To me, agreeing to preach is a sacred honor, not a duty. I did not berate people for being bad, I challenged them to be better. I preached to gays. I didn't tell them to hate their gayness, I told them to be good gays. To honor their commitments, even relationship ones. People forget this bit from the bible; but, it is a good one as are they all. The question was raised whether believers in Christ should stay with spouses who were not believers. The answer was that as you came to Christ, so you should honor your past marital commitments. God does not tell us not to love another and once committed to them we should fulfill that promise. Gays don't understand that (and neither do Christian ones), they think those moral rules do not apply to them because they are gay. I told them that is wrong and unfortunately the statistics for gay divorces is even higher than that for straights.

I wrote about how hard it was to tell people I was going to preach when I am imperfect. Atheists view Christians as children who believe in fairy tales. I had a real job, I had a real high profile difficult job. I have a doctorate and national honors. I was recognized as an expert in multiple fields. People in other countries know who I am. My opinion was sought and still is. When I started taking in the homeless these people freaked. I took them in before I began preaching.

Most people do not believe God is real. Most people will say they believe in a God; but, the reality is that they don't believe in a real God. A sentience that can hear your every thought. He can. That is one of the more intimidating things about him. I have the feeling this blog might get a lot more interesting in the future. If anyone starts thinking about "A Christmas Carol" down the road they might make a comment when they do.

Going to church for most is just a ritual, it is just a thing you do. Most Catholics do not believe that the Pope speaks the innate word of God.

I have told the story of Abraham more than once. God asked Abraham to kill his first born and he was going to until God told him not to at the last minute. God told the Jews to kill all the Arabs in Israel and they didn't do it. They knew it was wrong; but, had used the opportunity to get some land. Free will means God lets you choose. Sometimes God tells  us to do the wrong thing. We choose when to argue the point or fail to define ourselves. There is a difference and difference is what we choose. What we choose defines us, not God. Think you cannot argue with God. Abraham argued with God over destroying Sodom and Gomorrah. Why didn't he argue with God over killing his first born?

When we choose to sell our time, we choose more than does a slave; but, not totally as we are still under duress. When I choose to work or whom I choose to work for,defines me; but, the need for money creates duress, pressure. Everybody works for somebody, how much does it matter to you who you work for or does it only matter what you are paid? If both matter than where is your line.

The moment you take to the pulpit, you know people are laughing at you. Try doing that when you control hundreds of millions a year. Try telling your kids who saw your wife leave you for another man, go preach and preach forgiveness. You better believe it when you say it. I don't mind it when Atheists laugh at me, it just gets in the way of knowing one another. I do mind it when Christians think people being willing to risk their reputation in order to preach are stupid.

We are imperfect in every way and perfect in none. Should a atheist murderer stop being an atheist or a murderer first? Wait, Jesus said what the most important commandment was, love God with all your heart ... and your neighbor as yourself or something very much like that. Once you meet the most important commandment, loving all completely, you begin working on the others one. You just wont have to because you meet the love one and all the others become second nature.