I am dumb as a stick today. Da Brayen knot werkin. I have nothing to say for myself and am lost in a dream. It is a nice dream. I am listening to music and daydreaming. Perchance to dream. Perchance to joy. Perchance to sleep.
The absence of pain can be quite euphoric. To let go of all the crap for a moment. To end tension in oneself. To let go.
I am a hugger. I love to hug. I also like to smell new babies. You cannot do that everyday so I look forward to hugs. A hug is warmth. It is connection. Sex is nice; but, hugs say just as much and you can hug anyone. Someone asked me recently if I had ever been happy, not really. He said he guessed it wasn't a priority to me. He didn't get it quite right, other things were higher priorities. Things like caring for my family, honor, integrity and helping.
I am 50 now and alone. I have the greatest friends in the world; but, they cannot fill certain voids. There is a man, he is the last of his tribe, of his world. He lives in the amazon, he is the most secluded man in the world. He is the last Mohican, so to speak. Two people tried to contact him, he shot one in the chest with an arrow. His tribe had been attacked by outsiders and he is all that is left.
What happens when you lose everyone and everything you have ever known? What happens when you are the last? He is the Omega man. The Last Man on Earth, in his world. How his heart must ache. Solitary confinement and a distrust of the rest of the world. Sounds pretty bad. I pray for him.
There is a play. It is called "Waiting for Godot". It is a horrible play, I put it on once. I hated working that play. It is the most depressing play I have ever put on. Samuel Beckett was the author I believe. You can look it up. The lonely guy in Brazil, he just goes on and on. He moves from place to place. Nobody knows why, he is not looking for companionship, he just moves around. Why? What is he thinking? He knows the others are all dead.
My mirror. Lets discuss what is in my mirror. I have a piece of paper with a eulogy for my best friends son, I have a Australian ten dollar plastic money, I have a card for a realtor, a document prepartation company and a police detective. I have three pieces of paper with phone numbers on them. That is my mirror. The guy in Brazil has no phone numbers to call. He has no paper and nobody. He knows other people exist, he just doesn't want to meet them.
I have spent today mostly alone. By choice. My allergies are acting up and I have a sinus headache. No biggie, just what it is. I bought a couple of beers for some young men, they truly appreciated it, unfortunately, I do not feel up to socializing with them. My head hurts. I wonder if that is how the lone indian feels. Too much pain to feel like socializing with anyone.
I think I am rambling on this post even more than usual. I am not headed in any direction, just write. I used to draw, I was decent, not great, just decent. I stopped drawing by the time I was in law school. I just stopped. I drew maybe two pictures since then, if I find one of them I intend on destroying it. Art is a fragile thing.
If only you believe like I believe we get by. Hahaha. Lets talk about King Solomon for a moment. He had like 360 wives, what was he thinking. How do you propose to wife 360? I mean did he like promise his undying love or say that she was special to him? How did he get away with saying he was in love? Who would buy such a thing?
My dog is retarded. I hate to say it but he is. My dog has no good sense. He runs in front of my feet in circles trying to figure out where I am headed. If he had any sense he would follow behind instead of guess. You are so beautiful to me, you are so beautiful to me. Can't you see? Your everything I hoped for, your everything I need. You are so beautiful to me. You are so beautiful to me. You are so beautiful to me. Can't you see? Your everything I hoped for, everything I need. You are so beautiful to me.
Most of my writing tends to be similar to Hunter S. Thompson, today I write like the beat poets, no string to tag things together. Random. Random has value, we don't have to make sense all the time, it is okay to drift. Tonight I drift. Perhaps a friend will send me an e-mail and save me. Perhaps not.
Do you know the difference between a sniper and an assassin? Most people never considered the difference, I know both. A sniper hides and kills from a great distance. It is sort of remote from it's target. Sort of gutless. An assassin gets up close and personal. When they kill you the blood flows onto them. Wet work it is called. They actually have a relationship with their target, different personalities at work.
The people who control the drone planes are in the United States. They are controlling planes and killing people ten thousand miles away, it is a television show for them. They never feel the pain, they never share with their victims. They take little risk. If you do horrible things you should risk, it should be a requirement that you see into the eyes of your target and risk.
There are consequences for not following the rules. I believe there are times to not follow the rules; but, I also believe that society has the right to enforce the consequences when I do not follow the rules. I am not afraid. It is a battle of wills. Society can be wrong, to disagree with society should have consequences or society does not work.
I am a pacifist; but, I respect honesty, I respect assassins. I might call one this weekend, if he is reading this, hey guy. LOL. When your day is long and the night is yours alone, when your sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on. Don't let yourself go cause everybody cries, everybody hurts sometimes. Sometimes everything is wrong, now it's time to sing along. When your day is night alone. If you feel like letting go. If you think you've had to much of this life well hang on. Cause everybody hurts, take comfort in your friends, everybody hurts, don't throw your hands, oh no, don't throw your hands. If you feel like letting go, no, no, no, your not alone. If your on your on, in this life, the days and nights are long, when you think you've had to much of this life to hang on. Well everybody hurts, but sometimes everybody cries, everybody hurts. Sometimes. But everybody hurts, sometimes. So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, everybody hurts.
My preferred weapon is a bow and arrow. It is silent and requires proximity. It is also very good at it's job. The lone indian has a bow and arrow. I will not use nor buy a combination bow, the distance is increased too much. Simplicity is the art of relationship. Up close and personal. Both good and bad should be done in person.
An assassin is not like a spy. They have the same skills; but, the assassin does the work and is truthful. In the world of intelligence there are many types of freaks. Each has their own personality profile. I like assassins the best because they put it all out there and have courage. They are willing to live with the results, heck, I think they want to. At least the three I have known.
Three, that is a lot. I just thought of that. How the heck does some retard like me know three assassins and two snipers. I wasn't even in the military. Draft ended when I was 17. Hey, it is almost twelve so I have to post. Random, no thread, just stuff. I don't have to always make sense, I just have to write. Be well kiddies.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
I am off tomorrow
I must say that I am a little disappointed, nobody commented on my post about orgasms. I really like that one. Apparently, the FBI is now investigating another Councilman. I hated to hear that, I know the guys brother and he has always been a really good guy. Just a comment.
Funny, to many people I do not come off as a really good guy. I take positions and will fight for the right thing. I also don't care about presentation, I don't put on the "Christian" suit. I smoke and will continue to. It is not our bad habits that convict us, it is the badness in our heart. If we work on our hearts everything gets better eventually by nature. If we focus on our actions our hearts don't get better, we just become more self-righteous and blind to our own faults.
Jesus's first miracle was to turn water into wine. By the way, not just any wine, the best was saved for last. The best wine would have been the strongest. Port is a wine, it is a desert wine, it is damn strong. Cognac is made from wine, it has more kick than does scotch or vodka. Why was that his first miracle?
I hope you like the question. It has always fascinated me. I want to give the setup. Jesus and his apostles had attended a wedding. His mother came to him and said that the wedding party had run out of wine. He said to her, "Woman, what does that have to do with us? My hour has not yet come". I am going to get you with this one. In response to what Jesus said, his mother said to the servants, Whatever he says to you do it".
I will now show you something in the bible that is rarely if ever discussed. Jesus chastised his mother that it was not time for him to make miracles. He was already teaching because it says his disciples were with him. He did not begin his ministry with miracles, they came because of his words. Now consider his mothers response. She told the servants to do whatever he said. She knew he would fix the issue. How did she know, he had not made miracles before. LOL.
She did know that he was of God. That she knew when the angels spoke to her and she became pregnant. She clearly had never asked him to commit a miracle, she never chased a cookie. My guess, God had assured her that she would always have what she needed. She didn't ask for her, she asked for the others. She asked him to make wine for the party, not for her. ROFL. Unfortunately, it does not say whose wedding it was. Maybe it was one of his siblings, otherwise why would his mother be so concerned. Just a thought.
Jesus' mother sent him on a beer run for a party and that was his first miracle. Now, why did he go? He was tough guy, he once said to someone something about that his followers were his brothers and sisters, his family. So, why did he do the miracle. My guess, God had told Mary something about being able to ask a favor someday and it being granted. She chose to have a lively party. It is not reported that he ever did what she asked again.
He could have made a poor wine or an average wine, he did not, it said that he saved the best for last. He did his mom proud. If your mother asks you one favor in her whole life, you better do the best you can. Imagine the life she lived.
Here she is, a good girl by all reports. One day as she is minding her own business, she is interrupted by a couple of angels with great news. She is about to get pregnant by God and is unmarried in a time when unmarried pregnant women were stoned to death and a shame on their family. Do you think she might have been a little intimidated? But she said yes, not for her, for us. She said yes to be a vessel to save the world. I would expect she was plenty darn scared. Pretty nifty young lady.
So she gets pregnant and has to tell her boyfriend. I bet that was fun. He believed her, why? He believed her because God told him what had occurred in a dream. Wow. He believed her and a dream. What kind of a girl gets that kind of credibility, the best kind. Someone who does not lie.
How do you parent God's son. I know, very carefully. No, really, how do you parent him? If he says he must do something, do you try and stop him? I think not. How do you comfort him, does he need comforting? Do you ever spank him, naaaa, he wouldn't need it. You let him tell you what he needs, he will know when he is ready. He would want love, he allowed Peter to rest on his legs while they reclined and talked.
Lets not forget Joseph, Jesus' step dad. He was pretty cool. He took on that job and knowing it was God's child. Pretty decent good guy, he does not enough credit; but, then people thank mom at awards shows. Someone pays the price for that family life.
Back to the wine. So why did he make it after telling her that he didn't want to and she shouldn't ask. This is intriguing to me. I hope you enjoy watching my little brain work. He, Jesus was told that he should do it. Either by God or her, in either case it doesn't matter. She had the right to ask God to do something he didn't want to and she didn't pay a price for it. Listen, she was imperfect, none are good but God. Yet, she paid a pretty big price, risked it all for God, for love of humanity. All she ever asked for was some darn wine. She didn't ask for a big house, gold, fame or anything else. She asked for some wine for a fricken party. She had the right, God gave her that right and she used it well. She used it to make others happy, how do you say no?
The second part, he saved the best for last. In olden days, it was common to serve the best wine first. After that you gave the cheaper wine because people couldn't tell the difference. He did it the other way around, the strongest and best he saved for last. Do you think anyone got drunk at that party? Do you think he gave wine that didn't give a buzz? Would the be the best for last? ROFL.
The wine he made was the best wine ever, it kicked major rear end. Jesus' first miracle was to get people drunk. His first miracle was to make people giddy and forget the problems of this world. It was a wedding, people were dancing and acting foolish, that is what you do at a party. God promises a party, a party in your heart. Remember when I spoke of orgasm, God is an orgasm, the complete letting go of fear and enjoyment of his warmth and the individuality of the other believers.
Now, I want reiterate that I said this blog was going to be more about religion. I tell you, it is okay if you skip the religious stuff. It is my blog and I want to talk about the bible, other ways of looking at it. I considered destroying all previous posts as I have twice before and decided not to. If someone comes here looking for the stuff about pensions, go at it. If they don't like the rest, you don't have to, skip it; but, I will say what I want. Pick what you want, it doesn't offend me. The blog is taking a turn, it is going religious. I will still talk about the other things; but, I plan on focusing on the bible for a bit. Who knows when it will change again.
Funny, to many people I do not come off as a really good guy. I take positions and will fight for the right thing. I also don't care about presentation, I don't put on the "Christian" suit. I smoke and will continue to. It is not our bad habits that convict us, it is the badness in our heart. If we work on our hearts everything gets better eventually by nature. If we focus on our actions our hearts don't get better, we just become more self-righteous and blind to our own faults.
Jesus's first miracle was to turn water into wine. By the way, not just any wine, the best was saved for last. The best wine would have been the strongest. Port is a wine, it is a desert wine, it is damn strong. Cognac is made from wine, it has more kick than does scotch or vodka. Why was that his first miracle?
I hope you like the question. It has always fascinated me. I want to give the setup. Jesus and his apostles had attended a wedding. His mother came to him and said that the wedding party had run out of wine. He said to her, "Woman, what does that have to do with us? My hour has not yet come". I am going to get you with this one. In response to what Jesus said, his mother said to the servants, Whatever he says to you do it".
I will now show you something in the bible that is rarely if ever discussed. Jesus chastised his mother that it was not time for him to make miracles. He was already teaching because it says his disciples were with him. He did not begin his ministry with miracles, they came because of his words. Now consider his mothers response. She told the servants to do whatever he said. She knew he would fix the issue. How did she know, he had not made miracles before. LOL.
She did know that he was of God. That she knew when the angels spoke to her and she became pregnant. She clearly had never asked him to commit a miracle, she never chased a cookie. My guess, God had assured her that she would always have what she needed. She didn't ask for her, she asked for the others. She asked him to make wine for the party, not for her. ROFL. Unfortunately, it does not say whose wedding it was. Maybe it was one of his siblings, otherwise why would his mother be so concerned. Just a thought.
Jesus' mother sent him on a beer run for a party and that was his first miracle. Now, why did he go? He was tough guy, he once said to someone something about that his followers were his brothers and sisters, his family. So, why did he do the miracle. My guess, God had told Mary something about being able to ask a favor someday and it being granted. She chose to have a lively party. It is not reported that he ever did what she asked again.
He could have made a poor wine or an average wine, he did not, it said that he saved the best for last. He did his mom proud. If your mother asks you one favor in her whole life, you better do the best you can. Imagine the life she lived.
Here she is, a good girl by all reports. One day as she is minding her own business, she is interrupted by a couple of angels with great news. She is about to get pregnant by God and is unmarried in a time when unmarried pregnant women were stoned to death and a shame on their family. Do you think she might have been a little intimidated? But she said yes, not for her, for us. She said yes to be a vessel to save the world. I would expect she was plenty darn scared. Pretty nifty young lady.
So she gets pregnant and has to tell her boyfriend. I bet that was fun. He believed her, why? He believed her because God told him what had occurred in a dream. Wow. He believed her and a dream. What kind of a girl gets that kind of credibility, the best kind. Someone who does not lie.
How do you parent God's son. I know, very carefully. No, really, how do you parent him? If he says he must do something, do you try and stop him? I think not. How do you comfort him, does he need comforting? Do you ever spank him, naaaa, he wouldn't need it. You let him tell you what he needs, he will know when he is ready. He would want love, he allowed Peter to rest on his legs while they reclined and talked.
Lets not forget Joseph, Jesus' step dad. He was pretty cool. He took on that job and knowing it was God's child. Pretty decent good guy, he does not enough credit; but, then people thank mom at awards shows. Someone pays the price for that family life.
Back to the wine. So why did he make it after telling her that he didn't want to and she shouldn't ask. This is intriguing to me. I hope you enjoy watching my little brain work. He, Jesus was told that he should do it. Either by God or her, in either case it doesn't matter. She had the right to ask God to do something he didn't want to and she didn't pay a price for it. Listen, she was imperfect, none are good but God. Yet, she paid a pretty big price, risked it all for God, for love of humanity. All she ever asked for was some darn wine. She didn't ask for a big house, gold, fame or anything else. She asked for some wine for a fricken party. She had the right, God gave her that right and she used it well. She used it to make others happy, how do you say no?
The second part, he saved the best for last. In olden days, it was common to serve the best wine first. After that you gave the cheaper wine because people couldn't tell the difference. He did it the other way around, the strongest and best he saved for last. Do you think anyone got drunk at that party? Do you think he gave wine that didn't give a buzz? Would the be the best for last? ROFL.
The wine he made was the best wine ever, it kicked major rear end. Jesus' first miracle was to get people drunk. His first miracle was to make people giddy and forget the problems of this world. It was a wedding, people were dancing and acting foolish, that is what you do at a party. God promises a party, a party in your heart. Remember when I spoke of orgasm, God is an orgasm, the complete letting go of fear and enjoyment of his warmth and the individuality of the other believers.
Now, I want reiterate that I said this blog was going to be more about religion. I tell you, it is okay if you skip the religious stuff. It is my blog and I want to talk about the bible, other ways of looking at it. I considered destroying all previous posts as I have twice before and decided not to. If someone comes here looking for the stuff about pensions, go at it. If they don't like the rest, you don't have to, skip it; but, I will say what I want. Pick what you want, it doesn't offend me. The blog is taking a turn, it is going religious. I will still talk about the other things; but, I plan on focusing on the bible for a bit. Who knows when it will change again.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Calpers Update
I wanted to go to bed and was closing out when I saw this article. It is about the trips and gifts that were given to Calpers staff. Amazing. Calpers trips.
Without giving out who I am, I do work for the government. On occasion people will buy each other lunch, it is no big deal. You have a meeting over lunch in a friendly atmosphere. Lets face it, even if you work for the government you still make friends with people you work with. When I do, I will pay every other time. I don't bill the government, it is a matter of a respect. It is well below the $50 amount. I just don't want to haggle over the cost of every lunch. Heck, I even bought lunch a couple of times for a billionaire, he hated that, lol. He knows I don't get an expense account for such things and it is nothing to him. Makes me feel good and as if, I don't know how to say this. It is very freeing to buy lunch for a billionaire knowing that you don't want anything from him. It is worth more than $50. Because of the divorce, it is still in my freezer, I know it hasn't gone bad, I would not turn over bad meat to a charity.
Oh yeah, I usually just send things back, could not do it with the meat, had to freeze it. The only other gift I ever received was a jacket. I looked it up online, it was worth $45, not $50. How sad is my life, I had to look up the cost of fricken jacket. I was forced to leave my beloved Los Angeles and go to the east coast, it was cold and they gave me a jacket, they had hundreds of them. It was a throw away advertisement, I appreciated it as I had not brought a jacket. The company had offered my government to pay for my trip, the government insisted that they pay for it. I cannot say I really cared, I don't like traveling.
I hate business travel. I mean, I really hate it. I have cussed people out, refused to submit expense statements and generally been a complete jerk when I have to travel. I think it is my way of begging to not travel unless absolutely necessary. I don't like being away from loved ones. I have had as many as two people be forced to travel with me and all they did was make sure I didn't go crazy, it rarely worked. ROFL.
Anyways, at Christmas people exchange gifts. Working for the government, I can't take, I can only give. One guy I know, who has never had a contract with us and who has never bid one, he sent me some meat. I had made him dinner a few times while we talked about what he wanted to do with the government; he liked my meals and sent me some meat. It was a very nice gesture, I had spent a whole weekend with him, unpaid, to here what he had. Actually, I think his idea is very good; because of that I have to turn the meat over to a Charity. I will do that this week unless I have to talk to my ex.
It is okay, in my opinion, to buy lunch or let someone buy you lunch. You are not to give millions dollars and ruin your organization because someone bought you a hamburger or gave you a book they read. Heck, I gave the Christmas guy a book, it was just a friggin book. When you start taking things that matter there is a problem. I don't care if someone buys the coffee; but, if you have someone pay your mortgage there is a problem. Where is the line, when it could effect your decision making. When the cookie may impact your decision making. You cannot have that no matter how inconsequential the giver makes it sound.
Read the Calpers article, read what the staff member accepted. Investigate where the seminars for pension board members are held, Hawaii comes up a lot. I want to say that I really like Hawaii and love the Polynesians. If I thought I could go to Hawaii, all expenses paid, once a year, it might impact my decision making. I love Filipino sausage. I would probably not attend the seminar.
I had my impacted molars removed, they broke my jaw and it hurt really bad. They gave me percedan, I really liked it. It is my favorite drug of all time. It felt like an orgasm (see the tie in to the last post, yes). I had to stop taking it and throw it out, I could have been addicted to it easily. I through it out because I knew it was my drug of choice. Instead I dealt with the pain of the broken jaw, that was not addictive.
Sometimes, if we grow, we have to take the pain over the easy way out. We have to accept that avoiding pain is not the goal of life, that having joy is not the goal of life. The goal of life is to learn to do the right thing for the right reason, if you do that then over time things get better. If you chase the cookies, life will get worse. You will get the cookies; but, you will never fully appreciate them, you will miss out on joy.
The easy way out, the quick fix to comfort is always wrong. It leads to bad decision making. Relying on someone else for your happiness and giving up your sense of right and wrong is corruption. Be well.
Without giving out who I am, I do work for the government. On occasion people will buy each other lunch, it is no big deal. You have a meeting over lunch in a friendly atmosphere. Lets face it, even if you work for the government you still make friends with people you work with. When I do, I will pay every other time. I don't bill the government, it is a matter of a respect. It is well below the $50 amount. I just don't want to haggle over the cost of every lunch. Heck, I even bought lunch a couple of times for a billionaire, he hated that, lol. He knows I don't get an expense account for such things and it is nothing to him. Makes me feel good and as if, I don't know how to say this. It is very freeing to buy lunch for a billionaire knowing that you don't want anything from him. It is worth more than $50. Because of the divorce, it is still in my freezer, I know it hasn't gone bad, I would not turn over bad meat to a charity.
Oh yeah, I usually just send things back, could not do it with the meat, had to freeze it. The only other gift I ever received was a jacket. I looked it up online, it was worth $45, not $50. How sad is my life, I had to look up the cost of fricken jacket. I was forced to leave my beloved Los Angeles and go to the east coast, it was cold and they gave me a jacket, they had hundreds of them. It was a throw away advertisement, I appreciated it as I had not brought a jacket. The company had offered my government to pay for my trip, the government insisted that they pay for it. I cannot say I really cared, I don't like traveling.
I hate business travel. I mean, I really hate it. I have cussed people out, refused to submit expense statements and generally been a complete jerk when I have to travel. I think it is my way of begging to not travel unless absolutely necessary. I don't like being away from loved ones. I have had as many as two people be forced to travel with me and all they did was make sure I didn't go crazy, it rarely worked. ROFL.
Anyways, at Christmas people exchange gifts. Working for the government, I can't take, I can only give. One guy I know, who has never had a contract with us and who has never bid one, he sent me some meat. I had made him dinner a few times while we talked about what he wanted to do with the government; he liked my meals and sent me some meat. It was a very nice gesture, I had spent a whole weekend with him, unpaid, to here what he had. Actually, I think his idea is very good; because of that I have to turn the meat over to a Charity. I will do that this week unless I have to talk to my ex.
It is okay, in my opinion, to buy lunch or let someone buy you lunch. You are not to give millions dollars and ruin your organization because someone bought you a hamburger or gave you a book they read. Heck, I gave the Christmas guy a book, it was just a friggin book. When you start taking things that matter there is a problem. I don't care if someone buys the coffee; but, if you have someone pay your mortgage there is a problem. Where is the line, when it could effect your decision making. When the cookie may impact your decision making. You cannot have that no matter how inconsequential the giver makes it sound.
Read the Calpers article, read what the staff member accepted. Investigate where the seminars for pension board members are held, Hawaii comes up a lot. I want to say that I really like Hawaii and love the Polynesians. If I thought I could go to Hawaii, all expenses paid, once a year, it might impact my decision making. I love Filipino sausage. I would probably not attend the seminar.
I had my impacted molars removed, they broke my jaw and it hurt really bad. They gave me percedan, I really liked it. It is my favorite drug of all time. It felt like an orgasm (see the tie in to the last post, yes). I had to stop taking it and throw it out, I could have been addicted to it easily. I through it out because I knew it was my drug of choice. Instead I dealt with the pain of the broken jaw, that was not addictive.
Sometimes, if we grow, we have to take the pain over the easy way out. We have to accept that avoiding pain is not the goal of life, that having joy is not the goal of life. The goal of life is to learn to do the right thing for the right reason, if you do that then over time things get better. If you chase the cookies, life will get worse. You will get the cookies; but, you will never fully appreciate them, you will miss out on joy.
The easy way out, the quick fix to comfort is always wrong. It leads to bad decision making. Relying on someone else for your happiness and giving up your sense of right and wrong is corruption. Be well.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
The News is Boring so Lets Talk About Orgasms
I see nothing in the news worthy of discussion. Even the dumbest can analyze the stupidity that is being put forth. A former U.S. Official saying that Israel must bomb Iran before Saturday, I read it, do you really think an ex-official would say such a thing without permission? Can you imagine the repercussions, and no comment from the President. Come on.
Then we have the nonsense of the thousand fires in Russia being the result of global warming. Firstly, I live in the desert and have for decades, Russia is cooler than the desert I live in and so is Death Valley, guess what no spontaneous combustion. A thousand fires means that they were set, they don't start by themselves and it is not claimed that they were all started by dry lightening. They have tried to scare people by saying that it is approaching Chernobyl, the nuclear plant, that plant is encased in concrete because of the explosion, that fire will not hurt it, think about it, the radiation can't even escape. Concrete does not burn. Let me simplify, what are kilns made out of, so why are worrying about it approaching Chernobyl?
What then shall we discuss. I know, lets talk about sex. I will keep it clean. Orgasms, those are nice things. What is an orgasm? I mean I know what it feels like and understand what the bodily functions are; but, what is it really? We don't think about it. I don't mean physically, I mean as an experience.
Physically you can tell me all you want about nerves and vibrations and hormones; but, that is not the experience. Think about it, what you feel is not physical alone. And even the physical part, what do you really feel? One of the most basic human realities and we can say what causes it; but, can hardly describe it. Some have referred to it as "the little death".
I can tell you what it feels like to have a massage, I can tell you what it is like to burn your fingers. I am not sure anyone has ever accurately explained orgasm. I read an article that said that the parts of your brain that experience fear and pain shut off. It also said that women seem during that moment to cease all emotion and go into a trance like state.
So, what does the little death and loss of all fear and anxiety sound like to you? To me it sounds like the ultimate pleasure. I used to suffer cluster headaches, they are really bad headaches that can last for days and are generally regarded the worse type possible. When the headaches would end I would feel an odd type of euphoria. I drew a conclusion from this, the greatest pleasure I have known was the absence of pain. The absence of pain is a freedom you can only understand if you have known chronic pain.
If my understanding is correct then one must understand pain to understand pleasure. Pleasure is not appreciated by those who have not know the lack of it. We take it for granted and expect it and do not enjoy it as much unless we have known the lack of it. Pain and pleasure are merely intense nerve reactions, strong nerve reactions. They do not exist in reality, yet, they are a part of our reality. They are seen as pain or pleasure based on our interpretation of them. The mental interpretation is what I am asking about, how is it interpreted.
It seems, based on brain scans, that in fact it is a little like death, that is why there is a lack of all fear. The closest I have felt to orgasmic in a non-physical sense was when I was in love. When you first meet someone and fall in love, you lose all fear. The feeling you have when you are with the other person is almost orgasmic and lasts longer.
I remember a girl, my first real love. I remember that I felt light hearted whenever I saw her. I would go into a phase where I couldn't think straight. I don't do that too often, my brain is usually up to something. Around this girl my speech slurred because I got so stupid. Da Brain wud naught wirk write. Haven't you ever felt that way when you were in love? I knew this girl for six years and that feeling never went away and we never had sex.
I remember the second to last time I ever saw her, she held my hands and looked me in the eyes. She wanted me to do something I did not wish to do, she wanted me to take a phone call. I couldn't say no, when she held my hands my brain stopped, I looked at her and she just guided me to the phone, she could have walked me off a cliff and I would not have known nor cared. I took the call, I had to leave.
A lot of people are too obsessed with orgasm. If you are with someone just for orgasms, you miss out on the real fun, love. You can have orgasms without love; but, they cannot be anything more than physical. You can love and have orgasms they will be more than physical. It can be the icing on the cake.
I wish you all to find the love that makes you stupid. The love that makes your heart sing and your brain shut off. Before you find them, I hope you find the one that doesn't and have your heart broken. Everybody's heart should be broken once. It should be broken so that you will appreciate the one that makes it sing.
When we talked about the nerves I meant to bring up masochists. It is completely different from sadism, it is the love of pain. It is the search for extreme nerve excitement. I couldn't find the quote; but someone said that it didn't matter if the experience was good or bad only that it be intense. I don't like, so I don't understand that exactly; but, I kind of get it. A little slap and tickle can be fun, excite the nerves in anticipation of better things. I don't get the extremes.
Emotionally I have usually been pretty stable, not a wide range of emotions and not very strong. Some might say that I was a little cold. That changed over the years, they got wider and stronger. I guess that means that if I meet the love of my life I will get ever dumber when they are around. Oh crud.
When the young lady held my hands, I couldn't think. What happens when I fall in love again? How dumb can I get? I can tell you this much, I would like to be that dumb again just to be around someone. The feeling of not having any fear and only being focused on the other person is heavenly. The little death every time you see them. A lifetime of joy. Lets talk about love, we already talked about orgasm.
Love makes you retarded and nothing, no pain, no fear exist, only that other person. You feel so good that all you want to do is make the other person happy, you are happy just because they exist. I remember the day I met the girl I spoke of. I saw her and got stupid, I was in shock. I couldn't understand why looking at her made all the pain of the world go away, no fear, just her.
I should point out that when I saw her I wasn't excited. I need to explain that, it was not a nervousness love, it was a confused thing. I saw her and had to look at her because when I did, my heart felt lighter. I have not know much joy and have always felt that it was fight or die. Not when I looked at her. It was as if seeing her made everything better, I was not at war with the world, I was in paradise. Blew my little brain didn't understand it at the time.
When someone physically turns you on you get excited. You know, your heart rate increases, your little naught parts wake up, you start thinking real fast. When you meet the love of your life, you calm, your naughty parts are not awake, you start thinking real slow. You go into a trance where they are all you can see and all that matters. I hope you felt that way at least once in your life.
There is a movie coming out called "Flipped" enjoy the trailer. When I looked at my girl, it hurt when I couldn't see her. Seeing her was the relief. Seeing her was the absence of pain. That is how you know it is perfect. Everything else feels less, there is no need to be on the top of your game because there is nothing to fear so your brain can rest.
You can give up hate and still get angry. Hate is the opposite of love, it is constant fear. Anger is more like orgasm, momentary, an outburst. We can choose which we live in, fear or love. We can have orgasms if we fear, we can still get angry if we love; but, we won't act the same way.
Too much hate, it pushes out the love. I prefer love over orgasms. You can still have orgasms and be in love. You can have orgasms and not be in love; but the time in between is torture and orgasms are fun but quick.
I had dinner with a great friend tonight, a young man I used to work with. We had, I hope, a nice talk. Something had agitated him and I hope I was able to provide some perspective. It sucks to get old, you end up with perspective. I hope enjoys this post, maybe it was meant for him, hard to say sometimes.
It is time for me to go to bed. My dog has taken to eating my shoes now, he doesn't like it when I leave and I have put my socks away. Now I have to put away my shoes. My dog hates it when I leave and is happy just to sit under my chair while I write or read. I guess dogs love us, why is beyond me. Wait, maybe they love us because they no reason to fear. Be well.
Then we have the nonsense of the thousand fires in Russia being the result of global warming. Firstly, I live in the desert and have for decades, Russia is cooler than the desert I live in and so is Death Valley, guess what no spontaneous combustion. A thousand fires means that they were set, they don't start by themselves and it is not claimed that they were all started by dry lightening. They have tried to scare people by saying that it is approaching Chernobyl, the nuclear plant, that plant is encased in concrete because of the explosion, that fire will not hurt it, think about it, the radiation can't even escape. Concrete does not burn. Let me simplify, what are kilns made out of, so why are worrying about it approaching Chernobyl?
What then shall we discuss. I know, lets talk about sex. I will keep it clean. Orgasms, those are nice things. What is an orgasm? I mean I know what it feels like and understand what the bodily functions are; but, what is it really? We don't think about it. I don't mean physically, I mean as an experience.
Physically you can tell me all you want about nerves and vibrations and hormones; but, that is not the experience. Think about it, what you feel is not physical alone. And even the physical part, what do you really feel? One of the most basic human realities and we can say what causes it; but, can hardly describe it. Some have referred to it as "the little death".
I can tell you what it feels like to have a massage, I can tell you what it is like to burn your fingers. I am not sure anyone has ever accurately explained orgasm. I read an article that said that the parts of your brain that experience fear and pain shut off. It also said that women seem during that moment to cease all emotion and go into a trance like state.
So, what does the little death and loss of all fear and anxiety sound like to you? To me it sounds like the ultimate pleasure. I used to suffer cluster headaches, they are really bad headaches that can last for days and are generally regarded the worse type possible. When the headaches would end I would feel an odd type of euphoria. I drew a conclusion from this, the greatest pleasure I have known was the absence of pain. The absence of pain is a freedom you can only understand if you have known chronic pain.
If my understanding is correct then one must understand pain to understand pleasure. Pleasure is not appreciated by those who have not know the lack of it. We take it for granted and expect it and do not enjoy it as much unless we have known the lack of it. Pain and pleasure are merely intense nerve reactions, strong nerve reactions. They do not exist in reality, yet, they are a part of our reality. They are seen as pain or pleasure based on our interpretation of them. The mental interpretation is what I am asking about, how is it interpreted.
It seems, based on brain scans, that in fact it is a little like death, that is why there is a lack of all fear. The closest I have felt to orgasmic in a non-physical sense was when I was in love. When you first meet someone and fall in love, you lose all fear. The feeling you have when you are with the other person is almost orgasmic and lasts longer.
I remember a girl, my first real love. I remember that I felt light hearted whenever I saw her. I would go into a phase where I couldn't think straight. I don't do that too often, my brain is usually up to something. Around this girl my speech slurred because I got so stupid. Da Brain wud naught wirk write. Haven't you ever felt that way when you were in love? I knew this girl for six years and that feeling never went away and we never had sex.
I remember the second to last time I ever saw her, she held my hands and looked me in the eyes. She wanted me to do something I did not wish to do, she wanted me to take a phone call. I couldn't say no, when she held my hands my brain stopped, I looked at her and she just guided me to the phone, she could have walked me off a cliff and I would not have known nor cared. I took the call, I had to leave.
A lot of people are too obsessed with orgasm. If you are with someone just for orgasms, you miss out on the real fun, love. You can have orgasms without love; but, they cannot be anything more than physical. You can love and have orgasms they will be more than physical. It can be the icing on the cake.
I wish you all to find the love that makes you stupid. The love that makes your heart sing and your brain shut off. Before you find them, I hope you find the one that doesn't and have your heart broken. Everybody's heart should be broken once. It should be broken so that you will appreciate the one that makes it sing.
When we talked about the nerves I meant to bring up masochists. It is completely different from sadism, it is the love of pain. It is the search for extreme nerve excitement. I couldn't find the quote; but someone said that it didn't matter if the experience was good or bad only that it be intense. I don't like, so I don't understand that exactly; but, I kind of get it. A little slap and tickle can be fun, excite the nerves in anticipation of better things. I don't get the extremes.
Emotionally I have usually been pretty stable, not a wide range of emotions and not very strong. Some might say that I was a little cold. That changed over the years, they got wider and stronger. I guess that means that if I meet the love of my life I will get ever dumber when they are around. Oh crud.
When the young lady held my hands, I couldn't think. What happens when I fall in love again? How dumb can I get? I can tell you this much, I would like to be that dumb again just to be around someone. The feeling of not having any fear and only being focused on the other person is heavenly. The little death every time you see them. A lifetime of joy. Lets talk about love, we already talked about orgasm.
Love makes you retarded and nothing, no pain, no fear exist, only that other person. You feel so good that all you want to do is make the other person happy, you are happy just because they exist. I remember the day I met the girl I spoke of. I saw her and got stupid, I was in shock. I couldn't understand why looking at her made all the pain of the world go away, no fear, just her.
I should point out that when I saw her I wasn't excited. I need to explain that, it was not a nervousness love, it was a confused thing. I saw her and had to look at her because when I did, my heart felt lighter. I have not know much joy and have always felt that it was fight or die. Not when I looked at her. It was as if seeing her made everything better, I was not at war with the world, I was in paradise. Blew my little brain didn't understand it at the time.
When someone physically turns you on you get excited. You know, your heart rate increases, your little naught parts wake up, you start thinking real fast. When you meet the love of your life, you calm, your naughty parts are not awake, you start thinking real slow. You go into a trance where they are all you can see and all that matters. I hope you felt that way at least once in your life.
There is a movie coming out called "Flipped" enjoy the trailer. When I looked at my girl, it hurt when I couldn't see her. Seeing her was the relief. Seeing her was the absence of pain. That is how you know it is perfect. Everything else feels less, there is no need to be on the top of your game because there is nothing to fear so your brain can rest.
You can give up hate and still get angry. Hate is the opposite of love, it is constant fear. Anger is more like orgasm, momentary, an outburst. We can choose which we live in, fear or love. We can have orgasms if we fear, we can still get angry if we love; but, we won't act the same way.
Too much hate, it pushes out the love. I prefer love over orgasms. You can still have orgasms and be in love. You can have orgasms and not be in love; but the time in between is torture and orgasms are fun but quick.
I had dinner with a great friend tonight, a young man I used to work with. We had, I hope, a nice talk. Something had agitated him and I hope I was able to provide some perspective. It sucks to get old, you end up with perspective. I hope enjoys this post, maybe it was meant for him, hard to say sometimes.
It is time for me to go to bed. My dog has taken to eating my shoes now, he doesn't like it when I leave and I have put my socks away. Now I have to put away my shoes. My dog hates it when I leave and is happy just to sit under my chair while I write or read. I guess dogs love us, why is beyond me. Wait, maybe they love us because they no reason to fear. Be well.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Tell me when
I like a clean slate, I like forgiveness, I like grace. Grace is unmerited forgiveness. All three take us from sin to forgiveness, none is counted as righteousness. Righteousness is attributed to faith, that is the giving of a clean slate, forgiveness and grace rather than obtaining.
All three require that the heart forgive; but, the mind remember what happened. That is why confession and repentance matter. Think of it backwards, to be forgiven you must admit and repent what you have done. The same is true of those who wish to be forgiven. It is not a paradox, it is simply the difference between receiving and giving, the rules are the same.
Forgiveness is hard, easier to give than accept. I am for true forgiveness, not the baloney of forgetting something. To truly forgive, you must remember. To truly be forgiven, they must remember. That is the tough part of forgiveness, living with the wrongs. We have all done and received them.
I was forgiven by a young man 37 years ago for intentionally slamming a door on his hand and making him lose all of his fingernails. It was incredibly painful, I am sure. I would not want it to happen to me, though I have had worse. It is not about the pain, it is about the wickedness in all of us, including me.
I absolutely refuse to forget the wrongs I have done. I refuse to until I have apologized in person. The person whose hand I damaged, I forgave in person, in front of his mother and him and witnesses. He accepted my apology. I did not accept his acceptance because it was too soon. I could not comprehend him understanding, at 13, that I really meant what I said. His mother knew because I showed up.
Are you willing to face your truth and what you have done. We all suck sometimes. There is a television show that I used to watch about a guy named Earl. He went about trying to make all his mistakes right, what about when you cannot make them right and can only admit, repent and accept? Fixing things is too easy, it is a shortcut.
Now, lets talk about debt. We all, every nation, owes more than it can ever pay. Who does it owe it too? Our children. What if we stopped the madness and eliminated the national debts of all countries, what does it really mean. It means we start from where we are and take care of our own children. It would also mean that we stopped taking out debt, that would cause major deflation.
There is more national debts than can ever be paid. Take the national debt of ever country and divide it by the life expectancy of each of those countries. It is illusionary debt, we cannot pay it. Not one country can pay it in the life expectancy of it's population. It just isn't going to happen.
Lets have a garage sale and eliminate all debt. He must be insane you are saying. NO, I am the only sane one left. Debt is insanity. Whenever I lend money, I never expect to see it again. I do not need that burden. Debt is a promise to have something now in exchange for giving back later; but, we can never promise to give back later, we can die at any time.
The truest form of capitalism does not believe in debt. It is a mutual exchange, not of promises, an exchange. At what point will you fail your promises, we all have one. If the exchange is on the spot, will you steal it back? Just some random thoughts. Be well.
All three require that the heart forgive; but, the mind remember what happened. That is why confession and repentance matter. Think of it backwards, to be forgiven you must admit and repent what you have done. The same is true of those who wish to be forgiven. It is not a paradox, it is simply the difference between receiving and giving, the rules are the same.
Forgiveness is hard, easier to give than accept. I am for true forgiveness, not the baloney of forgetting something. To truly forgive, you must remember. To truly be forgiven, they must remember. That is the tough part of forgiveness, living with the wrongs. We have all done and received them.
I was forgiven by a young man 37 years ago for intentionally slamming a door on his hand and making him lose all of his fingernails. It was incredibly painful, I am sure. I would not want it to happen to me, though I have had worse. It is not about the pain, it is about the wickedness in all of us, including me.
I absolutely refuse to forget the wrongs I have done. I refuse to until I have apologized in person. The person whose hand I damaged, I forgave in person, in front of his mother and him and witnesses. He accepted my apology. I did not accept his acceptance because it was too soon. I could not comprehend him understanding, at 13, that I really meant what I said. His mother knew because I showed up.
Are you willing to face your truth and what you have done. We all suck sometimes. There is a television show that I used to watch about a guy named Earl. He went about trying to make all his mistakes right, what about when you cannot make them right and can only admit, repent and accept? Fixing things is too easy, it is a shortcut.
Now, lets talk about debt. We all, every nation, owes more than it can ever pay. Who does it owe it too? Our children. What if we stopped the madness and eliminated the national debts of all countries, what does it really mean. It means we start from where we are and take care of our own children. It would also mean that we stopped taking out debt, that would cause major deflation.
There is more national debts than can ever be paid. Take the national debt of ever country and divide it by the life expectancy of each of those countries. It is illusionary debt, we cannot pay it. Not one country can pay it in the life expectancy of it's population. It just isn't going to happen.
Lets have a garage sale and eliminate all debt. He must be insane you are saying. NO, I am the only sane one left. Debt is insanity. Whenever I lend money, I never expect to see it again. I do not need that burden. Debt is a promise to have something now in exchange for giving back later; but, we can never promise to give back later, we can die at any time.
The truest form of capitalism does not believe in debt. It is a mutual exchange, not of promises, an exchange. At what point will you fail your promises, we all have one. If the exchange is on the spot, will you steal it back? Just some random thoughts. Be well.
For My Ex-Assistant
Some scientists, unlike that mean old Stephen Hawkings, like aliens and think we will meet them soon. Sorry guys, an inside joke.
City of Oxnard
On Friday, the City of Oxnard City Hall was shut down by the FBI and the Ventura County District Attorney. People had their cell phones taken, their computer passwords and some were questions. Boxes were taken from their offices, including their Public Works Department. People agree that this is not about their high salaries.
What are they looking for, hmmm. Misappropriation of funds, maybe. Why did they take the cell phones? This is going to be a fun ride. One poster mentioned how Oxnard had one theater downtown that wasn't making money so they sank CRA funds into building a multiplex. I wonder who built it.
What are they looking for, hmmm. Misappropriation of funds, maybe. Why did they take the cell phones? This is going to be a fun ride. One poster mentioned how Oxnard had one theater downtown that wasn't making money so they sank CRA funds into building a multiplex. I wonder who built it.
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