Next weekend is Mother's Day. So many have passed since my mother passed away. I was given a little insight into her death that I did not know until yesterday. We shall skip the specifics, see, specifics don't always help.
In either case, I for 25 years had a Mother-In-Law and a wife who is the mother of my children. I have neither anymore. As much as I love my ex-Mother-In-Law, she is no longer my mother-in-law. I would like to continue sending my exMIL a card and flowers; but, it would not be respectful of her daughter, for it is her mother and not mine.
My eldest is my step daughter, raised her since she was one. Heck, I put her through college, that one I cannot give up even though her husband told me she was not my daughter. He doesn't get to make that choice. Why do I see the two situations as different?
I struggle with this. This is why adultery and divorce are not simple matters, they effect everything, unilateral choices that effect everyone around you for the rest of your lives. The ex thought that nothing would change, that is naive and incorrect. I had no choice in the matter and neither did my exMIL, nobody asked us; but, it effected us and our relationship.
Perhaps I would feel different if the ex didn't live with her mother; but, I don't think so. Perhaps I would feel different if we had parted on better terms for a better reason. If the ex had died (not something I want) I would have still been able to have a relationship with my exMIL, probably.
No matter what, she was a wonderful mother in law and I always want her to know that I love her, that doesn't change and never will. She was there for me when my mother died, she was a great comfort. I have been to many funerals, way more than I should have. I probably will not be able to attend my exMIL's funeral and I am okay with that, funerals are for the living. When she does pass away (and as far as I know she is great shape for her age, always was) I will grieve.
Next weekend I will be alone at home, I have no mother to take out and my housemate will be with his mother. I shall probably feel bad that I am not with my exMIL; but, I am sure she will be with her mother and will do something nice for her. I do hope my children remember to send the grandmother a card and let her know how special she is and of course tell their mother how nice it is to have a living mother.
Not everything I write about is topical or spiritual or amusing, some things are just what they are, me trying to figure things out. I have been accused of thinking I know all the answers. Nothing could be further from the truth, I just address the questions that I have on my mind.
For those of you who can, next weekend is a good time to let your mother know that you appreciate her, they aren't with us forever. Father's day is coming up and my father is also dead. I will proably spend that day out of town, I will celebrate that I am a father by myself. Being a parent means that you never get to be right again.
Today I am washing my laundry, doing dishes and general housekeeping. Tommorrow I will go to work and make believe that I care anymore. I will take care of business; but, there is no joy in it anymore, too much resistence to doing things right. Don't feel bad for me, I having the best time of my life, very peaceful.
I got up this morning and saw my housemate, I said "coffee good", he agreed and we stumbled across the street to get some. I walked in and must have seen 5 beautful women. I like to see pretty girls and there are more than I can count where I live. Funny thing is how calm and relaxed it is where I live. The weather is wonderful here, no tornadoes, no floods, no snow.
Someday I may marry again, I guess I could have a new Mother in law; but, it is also possible that if I did marry that at our age, her mother could be dead and I may never get to know her. In either case I will never forget my exMIL and how kind and loving she has been over the years. I hope and believe that she feels the same way about me, I tried to be a good son in law and took good care of her daughter and she knows that.
Have a great day, a nice week and be nice to your mother. Let her know what she did for you and that you appreciate it even if you don't always get along.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Circumcision
I am going to write about circumcision. I don't personally have an issue with being circumcised; but, I know someone who does and I think their position is worthy of discussing.
Circumcision has been around a long time and done for a variety of reasons. As a Christian I don't see a need for it. The New Testament directly addressed the issue and it was determined that Christians did not need to be circumcised. "Look: I, Paul, say to you that if you accept circumcision, Christ will be of no advantage to you." It is important to remember that Paul as a Jew was circumcised and he was saying it was not necessary. It also says to circumcise our hearts. What does it mean to circumcise one's heart?
I am circumcised so I don't know what it is like to be uncircumcised. I can tell you that it is not an issue in my life. Having said that, if I had a son I would not circumcise him. That is my choice. The Jewish people instituted circumcision as a contract between God and Abraham. It says that if one in uncircumcised they will be separated from the other Jews. What was the meaning behind it?
Lets go back to what it said about circumcising one's heart. The foreskin covers one's most private and sensitive part. To remove it is to expose the sensitive area. In regards to our hearts I believe the reference means to open one's heart to God. For the Jews this was done symbolically through physical circumcision and that is where it ended. The Jewish nation by the New Testament times hid their hearts and relied on the physical circumcision. That is what Jesus was condemning.
If one thinks about it the nation of Israel was always focused on the rules rather than the intent and that is why they kept going into exile. Now personally I would think that God should have said that people make the decision for themselves when they are at an age and ability of consent; but, God said it should be done eight days after a child is born. I don't agree; but, that is what it says.
So ethically I take the position that boys should be allowed to choose for themselves. I believe Jesus was our saviour and that we are freed from the Old Testament rules; but, that doesn't mean that the Jews are free from their covenant. I wrestle with this because of my relative for whom this is an issue. I think he has valid points to a degree.
There are many points he has discussed with me, he dismisses any health benefits and believes it lessens the sexual experience. Truth is, I am not convinced that either of those is correct, I don't think we know definitively one way or the other; but, in the end I believe he would be against it even if there were minor health benefits and it did not effect pleasure. I think he would still be against it because of the choice issue, he is free to correct me on this; but, I think he would still be against it.
I have poor eyesight, not terrible just poor, it kept me from being a fighter pilot and I really wanted to be one when I was younger. I don't get laser eye surgery because I am long past being able to be a fighter pilot and wouldn't want to be one anymore, pacifist you know. I don't really think about my eyesight, heck it is now permanently damaged because of a stress injury (central serous retonopathy). My eyes cannot be fixed and I have a permanent grey dot in my eyesight. It doesn't bother me; but, I do understand why others would get the surgery for poor eyesight. It is sort of the same with circumcision, it doesn't bother me; but, I can understand how it could and does bother others.
San Francisco wants to outlaw circumcision, they want to put it on the ballot. This is where I have a problem. In Europe certain countries have outlawed spanking your child, I feel that is wrong. I don't believe government has the right to involve itself in parenting as much as it does. We have to strike a balance between religious freedom, personal freedom and freedom of choice. This balance is different in each person's mind; but, it is central to the relationship between citizens and their government.
If I were Jewish and not Christian I would probably circumcise my child. My relative may be mad at me for thinking that way; but, I have to be truthful. Is it inconsistent with the fact that I don't believe in circumcision as a Christian, not really, I was saying what I would do if I were Jewish and I am not Jewish. This has been an ongoing conversation and my views are not finalized; but, instead continue to evolve as I look at different aspects. The views on government involvement in our lives continue to be against control. Government should only control what is absolutely necessary.
I have previously said that I am against Europe outlawing the burca, still am. I am against the government telling me what I can teach my children. A law was passed mandating the teaching of gay history, I have a problem with that. Mandating that my child be taught that homosexuality is okay is a little intrusive. I don't have a problem with gays; but, I have a problem with mandating what morals my child must believe.
I have previously talked about the Polynesians, I really like their achievements. One thing they did was tattoo. In some of it's socieities a man was not given full rights until he had undergone a very painful and long period of tattoing. They decided when they would undergo it and they knew exactly what they were in for. If I were not against tattoing for religious reasons, I would have gotten a Polynesian tattoo and have done it the old fashioned way as a means of having an acceptance by the Polynesian community. And that is the logical problem for me, I like the idea of choice, personal decision making to be part of a community. Eight day old boys don't get to make the decision for themselves.
I might retract what I said partly. If I were jewish I might not circumcise my son. I might choose choice over a commandment. That is a tough one, it would mean being ostracised by my people, my society and refusing a command of God; but, he did give us that choice and stated the concequences. In fact, if I were Jewish there are a lot of rules I probably wouldn't follow, I would make a bad Jew. The Jewish people when they went into the desert for 40 years asked for rules and they were given plenty of them, they also failed all of them. God did not get mad at them for failing to follow all the rules, he got mad at them for not taking the lessons to heart, for not caring about each other as they cared for themselves.
Yes, I think if I were Jewish I would let my son decide for himself. My son's choice is more important than being part of any community for me; but, I still would not let government outlaw it. Well, I guess my thinking on this matter has changed again, didn't know what I was going to say when I began this post. I really just wrote it so my relative could push me further in my thoughts on the matter. He has a tendency to interrupt me on this subject and I don't feel I get a chance to work through the issues sometimes while we are talking, I need time to think out things too, I haven't studied it as much as he has.
I was interrupted and have lost my thought. I am sure I will get a chance to discuss this some more. Be well.
Circumcision has been around a long time and done for a variety of reasons. As a Christian I don't see a need for it. The New Testament directly addressed the issue and it was determined that Christians did not need to be circumcised. "Look: I, Paul, say to you that if you accept circumcision, Christ will be of no advantage to you." It is important to remember that Paul as a Jew was circumcised and he was saying it was not necessary. It also says to circumcise our hearts. What does it mean to circumcise one's heart?
I am circumcised so I don't know what it is like to be uncircumcised. I can tell you that it is not an issue in my life. Having said that, if I had a son I would not circumcise him. That is my choice. The Jewish people instituted circumcision as a contract between God and Abraham. It says that if one in uncircumcised they will be separated from the other Jews. What was the meaning behind it?
Lets go back to what it said about circumcising one's heart. The foreskin covers one's most private and sensitive part. To remove it is to expose the sensitive area. In regards to our hearts I believe the reference means to open one's heart to God. For the Jews this was done symbolically through physical circumcision and that is where it ended. The Jewish nation by the New Testament times hid their hearts and relied on the physical circumcision. That is what Jesus was condemning.
If one thinks about it the nation of Israel was always focused on the rules rather than the intent and that is why they kept going into exile. Now personally I would think that God should have said that people make the decision for themselves when they are at an age and ability of consent; but, God said it should be done eight days after a child is born. I don't agree; but, that is what it says.
So ethically I take the position that boys should be allowed to choose for themselves. I believe Jesus was our saviour and that we are freed from the Old Testament rules; but, that doesn't mean that the Jews are free from their covenant. I wrestle with this because of my relative for whom this is an issue. I think he has valid points to a degree.
There are many points he has discussed with me, he dismisses any health benefits and believes it lessens the sexual experience. Truth is, I am not convinced that either of those is correct, I don't think we know definitively one way or the other; but, in the end I believe he would be against it even if there were minor health benefits and it did not effect pleasure. I think he would still be against it because of the choice issue, he is free to correct me on this; but, I think he would still be against it.
I have poor eyesight, not terrible just poor, it kept me from being a fighter pilot and I really wanted to be one when I was younger. I don't get laser eye surgery because I am long past being able to be a fighter pilot and wouldn't want to be one anymore, pacifist you know. I don't really think about my eyesight, heck it is now permanently damaged because of a stress injury (central serous retonopathy). My eyes cannot be fixed and I have a permanent grey dot in my eyesight. It doesn't bother me; but, I do understand why others would get the surgery for poor eyesight. It is sort of the same with circumcision, it doesn't bother me; but, I can understand how it could and does bother others.
San Francisco wants to outlaw circumcision, they want to put it on the ballot. This is where I have a problem. In Europe certain countries have outlawed spanking your child, I feel that is wrong. I don't believe government has the right to involve itself in parenting as much as it does. We have to strike a balance between religious freedom, personal freedom and freedom of choice. This balance is different in each person's mind; but, it is central to the relationship between citizens and their government.
If I were Jewish and not Christian I would probably circumcise my child. My relative may be mad at me for thinking that way; but, I have to be truthful. Is it inconsistent with the fact that I don't believe in circumcision as a Christian, not really, I was saying what I would do if I were Jewish and I am not Jewish. This has been an ongoing conversation and my views are not finalized; but, instead continue to evolve as I look at different aspects. The views on government involvement in our lives continue to be against control. Government should only control what is absolutely necessary.
I have previously said that I am against Europe outlawing the burca, still am. I am against the government telling me what I can teach my children. A law was passed mandating the teaching of gay history, I have a problem with that. Mandating that my child be taught that homosexuality is okay is a little intrusive. I don't have a problem with gays; but, I have a problem with mandating what morals my child must believe.
I have previously talked about the Polynesians, I really like their achievements. One thing they did was tattoo. In some of it's socieities a man was not given full rights until he had undergone a very painful and long period of tattoing. They decided when they would undergo it and they knew exactly what they were in for. If I were not against tattoing for religious reasons, I would have gotten a Polynesian tattoo and have done it the old fashioned way as a means of having an acceptance by the Polynesian community. And that is the logical problem for me, I like the idea of choice, personal decision making to be part of a community. Eight day old boys don't get to make the decision for themselves.
I might retract what I said partly. If I were jewish I might not circumcise my son. I might choose choice over a commandment. That is a tough one, it would mean being ostracised by my people, my society and refusing a command of God; but, he did give us that choice and stated the concequences. In fact, if I were Jewish there are a lot of rules I probably wouldn't follow, I would make a bad Jew. The Jewish people when they went into the desert for 40 years asked for rules and they were given plenty of them, they also failed all of them. God did not get mad at them for failing to follow all the rules, he got mad at them for not taking the lessons to heart, for not caring about each other as they cared for themselves.
Yes, I think if I were Jewish I would let my son decide for himself. My son's choice is more important than being part of any community for me; but, I still would not let government outlaw it. Well, I guess my thinking on this matter has changed again, didn't know what I was going to say when I began this post. I really just wrote it so my relative could push me further in my thoughts on the matter. He has a tendency to interrupt me on this subject and I don't feel I get a chance to work through the issues sometimes while we are talking, I need time to think out things too, I haven't studied it as much as he has.
I was interrupted and have lost my thought. I am sure I will get a chance to discuss this some more. Be well.
Friday, April 29, 2011
I Was Bad
I sent an e-mail to someone who other people read, many more than read this poor excuse for a blog, many, many more. The person intends to publish what I wrote, that is not good. I do say things and who and what and where. This should be interesting.
By the way, I was kidding, it wasn't bad, I was being sarcastic.
By the way, I was kidding, it wasn't bad, I was being sarcastic.
The Royal Wedding
I am Irish and don't have a love for aristocracy. I don't believe in Kings or Queens and I don't believe we are commoners. That is the starting point; but, I also try to be fair. Prince William got married and it was watched worldwide. I must say that his wife is a beautiful woman and her sister is pretty hot too.
I didn't watch the wedding, some short videos were on Yahoo news. A big deal was made over a little girl who found the noise to be a bit much, Princess Katherine tried to reassure her, a very human moment. As much as I don't believe we should have aristocracy, they are still human.
I still like the song by the Sex Pistols about the monarchy, a fascist regimn; but they didn't ask to be members of it either. Prince William was like any other person, you don't get to pick your parents. It must have been hard to see his parents divorce and his mother die, he is human too and that must have really hurt.
The English were not very good to my family or our country. They stole our country (Ireland) and made us second class citizens in our land; but, it was not Prince William and I cannot blame him or hate him for it. My great grandfather fought the English and killed a soldier and that is why he had to leave and come to America.
I don't know much about Prince William or his bride, I do know that a couple of kids just got married and I wish them well as I would wish any newlyweds. I don't like what President Obama or President Bush did; but, they are people to and we need to keep that in mind.
There is a guy named David Icke,he believes that the royal family are alien shape shifting mutants. I don't buy it, they look pretty human to me. I think we have to get away from vilifying people because of who they were born to. I think we need to spend more time trying to understand one another. Be well.
I didn't watch the wedding, some short videos were on Yahoo news. A big deal was made over a little girl who found the noise to be a bit much, Princess Katherine tried to reassure her, a very human moment. As much as I don't believe we should have aristocracy, they are still human.
I still like the song by the Sex Pistols about the monarchy, a fascist regimn; but they didn't ask to be members of it either. Prince William was like any other person, you don't get to pick your parents. It must have been hard to see his parents divorce and his mother die, he is human too and that must have really hurt.
The English were not very good to my family or our country. They stole our country (Ireland) and made us second class citizens in our land; but, it was not Prince William and I cannot blame him or hate him for it. My great grandfather fought the English and killed a soldier and that is why he had to leave and come to America.
I don't know much about Prince William or his bride, I do know that a couple of kids just got married and I wish them well as I would wish any newlyweds. I don't like what President Obama or President Bush did; but, they are people to and we need to keep that in mind.
There is a guy named David Icke,he believes that the royal family are alien shape shifting mutants. I don't buy it, they look pretty human to me. I think we have to get away from vilifying people because of who they were born to. I think we need to spend more time trying to understand one another. Be well.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
A Struggle and a Good Friend
Firstly, I wish to say that I am in a good place, physically and mentally. I think the thing is that I never want to be where I was again three years ago. Part of it was my fault, I didn't spend anytime protecting my boundaries and that allowed people in my personal life to take advantage of the kindess that I had shown them over the years.
I am now establishing my boundaries again and some things are no longer acceptable. If people have a problem with me or that then they can pound sand. In the future it is take me or leave me; but, that is it.
I was told something, a detail about what my ex-wife had done. I hadn't known the detail and it gave me another reason to think about how bad she had acted. It surprised me that it had that effect, doesn't matter what the detail was. I was talking to a friend and he reminded me that the details of the betrayal are best left unkown, I had to agree.
On one level, the fact that my ex was able to admit what she did was a very good thing for her, it means she is able to tell the truth again. I applaud that and hope she continues to grow. I did not speak to the ex myself. None of this is about my ex, it is more about me and processing information.
It made me wonder how I would deal with a possibility, the possibility that my ex would ever tell me the whole truth. I used to think that would at least allow us to not hate being in the same room or City or state (joking). Now, I think I really don't want to know the details, I think I know enough. My friend helped me see that. He had been cheated on and got to ask about and listen to the gory details, he said it was a mistake, it just made it hurt again. I think I have hurt enough.
I was going down the escalator in my building and a very beautful woman, maybe 35 to 40, hard to tell because she was kind of ageless. She got on behind a number of steps back and went "Hey". It was weird, I knew it was because of me, we were the only ones there. I turned around and sort of went "Yes". She said she had thought I was someone else, apparently someone she liked. This is pretty good for a guy with Autism.
I smiled and said that a lot of pretty women like me, I have the body of a 29 year old man and he wants it back because I was wrinkling it (a very old joke). She laughed and said that she thought I was handsome and had the body of a 29 year old man. I generally prefer the truth; however, a compliment from a pretty woman is always appreciated. It happened while I was thinking about the little detail.
I don't know how long it takes to get over things like what happened to me. Having the person you trust the most violate your trust in the most fundamental ways is hard. We have process things and learn from them to truly get over them rather than attempting to sweep them under the rug. Issues don't resolve themselves and if not resolved they become bitterness and resent. I don't really want those things in my life so I continue to try and resolve, make sense of what happened to me. I think understanding that the detail will not assist in the effort makes it easier, I think I know all I need to know for me.
While I was initially upset by the detail, I really don't care, it really doesn't matter anymore. The detail did not really make things worse or better, I already knew enough and that was bad enough, heck I am still paying the bills for her actions and their dinners. I don't even waste my time looking at them.
I am attempting to put mind in order (a messy thing at best). My move is complete, my finances while severely limited are getting a little better and I will be able to pay off some of the credit cards. I haven't used them in two years anyways. I also get to make the final payment to my attorney, she was very good to me and I appreciate her.
I need some new suits; but, I need to close out the past more. I need to put this relationship six feet under, it should never have happened in the first place. You cannot be together for 25 years and not have memories, I do not see any good ones, they were damaged by the bad ones. Still, it was part of my life and I do not like the idea of erasing memories, I like the idea of learning from them.
My life provides plenty of examples for me to learn from. I also need to learn to remember that there were some good times. I think part of the problem is that knowing what I know now means that even the good times were not what I thought; but, they were my experience at the time. Let me try an example.
Lets say that you are sitting across from your brother in a restaurant and telling each other jokes, that is a good experience. Now five years later you find out that your brother had stole money from you, that would change how you felt about him and all of your experiences together. Now you find out that it was at the restaurant as you were laughing and telling jokes that he stole your money using his smartphone and your bank infomation. Kinda changes the experience doesn't it; yet, what you felt at the time was real for you.
When someone violates all of your trust, how do you redefine your time together? That is the problem with lies. I don't know what was real and what was a lie, I don't know which days she came being with him and sat and ate at the table with me, discussed bills or events. I don't know and the details she wouldn't know either, she might remember one or two by not two thousand. We can now look at all of it as bad or only be worried about what feelings I did have at the time, neither seems quite right or honest. That leaves the third choice accept that a large part of your relationship with this other person was a lie and that you will know which parts were real. All of the memories are tainted; but, none of them is completely destroyed until you have the details.
I think getting a undeserved compliment from a pretty girl helps. I am in a new place and have possibilities open to me and can enjoy my life again, maybe for the first time. I can look ahead instead of behind; but, there is always a behind and it is part of my life and I can continue to learn from it. With time and distance and my new family and support system, I am redefining the rest of my life and it will not be like the first half.
I was work today and saw some news about the tornadoes that went through the south. Pretty scary stuff. Someone asked me about our pay cut and our pensions and I reminded them about the tornadoes and how these people had lost everything, pay cut seems kind of meaningless, so was the detail that I was told. Those people will never forget those tornadoes; but, they will clean up and rebuild. Some will have nightmares for years to come over what they witnessed and lived through others will not. Same with failed marriages, I don't have nightmares.
Ringo Starr - A Nice Song, the first solo hit for any of the Beatles I believe.
I am now establishing my boundaries again and some things are no longer acceptable. If people have a problem with me or that then they can pound sand. In the future it is take me or leave me; but, that is it.
I was told something, a detail about what my ex-wife had done. I hadn't known the detail and it gave me another reason to think about how bad she had acted. It surprised me that it had that effect, doesn't matter what the detail was. I was talking to a friend and he reminded me that the details of the betrayal are best left unkown, I had to agree.
On one level, the fact that my ex was able to admit what she did was a very good thing for her, it means she is able to tell the truth again. I applaud that and hope she continues to grow. I did not speak to the ex myself. None of this is about my ex, it is more about me and processing information.
It made me wonder how I would deal with a possibility, the possibility that my ex would ever tell me the whole truth. I used to think that would at least allow us to not hate being in the same room or City or state (joking). Now, I think I really don't want to know the details, I think I know enough. My friend helped me see that. He had been cheated on and got to ask about and listen to the gory details, he said it was a mistake, it just made it hurt again. I think I have hurt enough.
I was going down the escalator in my building and a very beautful woman, maybe 35 to 40, hard to tell because she was kind of ageless. She got on behind a number of steps back and went "Hey". It was weird, I knew it was because of me, we were the only ones there. I turned around and sort of went "Yes". She said she had thought I was someone else, apparently someone she liked. This is pretty good for a guy with Autism.
I smiled and said that a lot of pretty women like me, I have the body of a 29 year old man and he wants it back because I was wrinkling it (a very old joke). She laughed and said that she thought I was handsome and had the body of a 29 year old man. I generally prefer the truth; however, a compliment from a pretty woman is always appreciated. It happened while I was thinking about the little detail.
I don't know how long it takes to get over things like what happened to me. Having the person you trust the most violate your trust in the most fundamental ways is hard. We have process things and learn from them to truly get over them rather than attempting to sweep them under the rug. Issues don't resolve themselves and if not resolved they become bitterness and resent. I don't really want those things in my life so I continue to try and resolve, make sense of what happened to me. I think understanding that the detail will not assist in the effort makes it easier, I think I know all I need to know for me.
While I was initially upset by the detail, I really don't care, it really doesn't matter anymore. The detail did not really make things worse or better, I already knew enough and that was bad enough, heck I am still paying the bills for her actions and their dinners. I don't even waste my time looking at them.
I am attempting to put mind in order (a messy thing at best). My move is complete, my finances while severely limited are getting a little better and I will be able to pay off some of the credit cards. I haven't used them in two years anyways. I also get to make the final payment to my attorney, she was very good to me and I appreciate her.
I need some new suits; but, I need to close out the past more. I need to put this relationship six feet under, it should never have happened in the first place. You cannot be together for 25 years and not have memories, I do not see any good ones, they were damaged by the bad ones. Still, it was part of my life and I do not like the idea of erasing memories, I like the idea of learning from them.
My life provides plenty of examples for me to learn from. I also need to learn to remember that there were some good times. I think part of the problem is that knowing what I know now means that even the good times were not what I thought; but, they were my experience at the time. Let me try an example.
Lets say that you are sitting across from your brother in a restaurant and telling each other jokes, that is a good experience. Now five years later you find out that your brother had stole money from you, that would change how you felt about him and all of your experiences together. Now you find out that it was at the restaurant as you were laughing and telling jokes that he stole your money using his smartphone and your bank infomation. Kinda changes the experience doesn't it; yet, what you felt at the time was real for you.
When someone violates all of your trust, how do you redefine your time together? That is the problem with lies. I don't know what was real and what was a lie, I don't know which days she came being with him and sat and ate at the table with me, discussed bills or events. I don't know and the details she wouldn't know either, she might remember one or two by not two thousand. We can now look at all of it as bad or only be worried about what feelings I did have at the time, neither seems quite right or honest. That leaves the third choice accept that a large part of your relationship with this other person was a lie and that you will know which parts were real. All of the memories are tainted; but, none of them is completely destroyed until you have the details.
I think getting a undeserved compliment from a pretty girl helps. I am in a new place and have possibilities open to me and can enjoy my life again, maybe for the first time. I can look ahead instead of behind; but, there is always a behind and it is part of my life and I can continue to learn from it. With time and distance and my new family and support system, I am redefining the rest of my life and it will not be like the first half.
I was work today and saw some news about the tornadoes that went through the south. Pretty scary stuff. Someone asked me about our pay cut and our pensions and I reminded them about the tornadoes and how these people had lost everything, pay cut seems kind of meaningless, so was the detail that I was told. Those people will never forget those tornadoes; but, they will clean up and rebuild. Some will have nightmares for years to come over what they witnessed and lived through others will not. Same with failed marriages, I don't have nightmares.
Ringo Starr - A Nice Song, the first solo hit for any of the Beatles I believe.
I was going to bed
I was going to bed and decided to take a peak at the blog, to see if there were any comments. I decided to look at the stats, it said that Elisabeth Sladen was the search that led many people her. Hi. I do think she was amazing and was fortunate enough to see the tribute on youtube by the BBC.
Pimpernel is a person too and has his own associations, Ms. Sladen impacted my heart. I am so glad that effected others in the same way, that means that we can appreciate heart. Be well.
Pimpernel is a person too and has his own associations, Ms. Sladen impacted my heart. I am so glad that effected others in the same way, that means that we can appreciate heart. Be well.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
No longer cranky
Just like everyone else, I get cranky too. I am over it. I had to work on a business project today that relied on someone properly preparing some documents, they failed and I wasted a day. I should be cranky about that; but, we just work through it.
On a heavier note, a one mile wide tornado went through a town, I cannot comprehend a one mile wide tornado, is that common? I don't think so and surely do not wish to see one. Lots of tornadoes this year.
What is causing this anomalous weather? It is not climate change, we are at the same elevation and it is not global warming, that doesn't cause the magnetic pole to shift. Why are so many people reporting mass animal deaths? Why are the bees dying? Are these things connected and if so, how? Too many anomalies at one time.
Most people's view of the world is limited, they presume that the world is static and it is not. When tragedies like Katrina or the one in Japan occur, we are reminded of how tentative our time here is and how limited we are in controlling the world. That makes people feel uncomfortable.
I am on an internet forum and was commenting on something, one of the commentors did not like my writing style, they found it somewhat condescending, I don't believe it is, it is just my style. Because it is not a common style, they found it uncomfortable and we do like our comfort. The world is acting oddly and that makes people uncomfortable. They wonder what tomorrow will bring, they wonder if they will be able to get cookies and goodies or if everything will disappear.
The world is changing and we face some problems; but, the world has changed before and we have faced problems before. Most people know very little about how the world is run, they didn't want to know. With momentous changes people are wondering what is going on and many are scared. They try and read; but, it is a little late to think that they can put all of the pieces together correctly, too much fear and too little time.
There are people like Alex Jones and Rense that are saying that the world elite want to kill 90% of the population or put everyone in FEMA camps. There are others who believe we are about to achieve some type of enlightenment or that the world is going to end (one preacher says it will end in May). There are things going on and the world does have leaders and they do conspire, it is called diplomacy. If you do not understand the language of diplomacy then it seems more ominous than it is.
The problem is that whatever is going on, it is being dealt with and the rich do not want us all to die, that is silly. Some will point to what is known as the Georgia Guidestones which say the earth should be kept at 500,000,000 people; but, it doesn't say people should be killed.
Rather than telling people the truth, even it it is unpleasent, we are told half truths and bombarded with contradictory information, that does not help anything. Having said all of that I wish to give a hypothetical. If you were the President and you were told a meteor was going to hit the earth, how would you handle it? Would you tell everyone or wait till the last minute and let them enjoy the time they have? Again, I am a Christian and don't believe the world will end, that is not what it says in my bible. As for the Mayan calendar, I have a calendar to and it expires in December after that I will buy a new one for next year.
The housing market and the stock markets collapses were intentionally done, I know that one. The question is why. Partly I believe it was done so that the system could be changed. Nobody in their right mind would want to see their own country plunged into poverty and certainly not the people in the intelligence community. I have considered these options and don't by it. The most likely scenerio is that something is causing changes in the earth and they are preparing for more catastrophes. Sometimes the earth does that, it twists and turns.
I live in Los Angeles and we have earthquakes. The first time someone experiences an earthquake they want to move to the midwest, not me, I don't like tornadoes and I don't fear earthquakes. Telling me that the big one could be coming means nothing, I have known that my whole life.
People point to occult symbolism in music and movies, they are there, that doesn't mean they are ominous. There is a club and most people are not members; but, do you really believe that those who are want us all dead? I don't think so. There are those who point out masonic and other symbolism used by Jay Z and Lady Gaga, they do use the symbolism; but, do you really believe they want to see all of their fans killed, that is crazy. Lady Gaga may be slightly odd; but, she loves her fans. I am pretty sure that Jay Z does to, he gives a lot to charity.
There have always been insiders. Every society and every clique has it's own symbolism and ritual. If Jay Z and Lady Gaga were trying to manipulate the world as part of some grand plan of the New World Order then they wouldn't openly wear the symbolism.
There is a movement for a one world government, it is not hidden, it is openly discussed. I disagree with it; but, I do understand what they believe. Rockefeller wrote in his book that he believed in it and I am sure he does. I am against many things, I am against transhumanist philosophy; but, I do believe they believe what they want will be better for people.
What I find interesting is that these things are being openly discussed, I think that is good. You chip and bar code things to better manage the inventory, not to destoy it. Yes, I know the Nazi's tattooed people, that wasn't to kill them, it was to manage them. A terrible thing and we are not animals and should not be treated as such; but, you don't need to track things with numbers to kill them.
I understand that there are those who believe putting RFID chips in people has benefits and it does. By chipping people you prevent identity theft and can find lost children. There are many benefits to chipping; but, it is wrong. It is wrong because it is would allow for too much control and mischief. It is wrong because it is not worth the cost to privacy.
We are moving towards a universal currency. This is not evil in and of itself. Some will say that it was predicted in Revelations and it was; but, it didn't say it was evil, just a sign of the times. It also said there would be earthquakes; but, they are not evil either, just the earth moving.
The government is good at keeping secrets especially when it needs to; but, the more people involved and the more likely it will come out. People will defect from any organization, just like the soldiers did in Libya, rather than kill their countrymen. The Bohemian Grove is a real place and the rich and powerful do meet there and have bizarre, pagan rituals. It is purely symbolic to 99% of the people who attend. Nixon attended and was taped saying how "faggy" it was. That is not me using the term. Nixon was not stupid and he was not pagan. Nixon, I believe, was a Quaker, his college was. If Nixon had attended and thought the rich wanted to kill us all, I think he would have said something.
Something is going on and something is always going on. Having said that a team of well trained wack jobs known as contingency planners are on it. Nothing escapes their screen, nothing, they got a plan for everything and they plan for mass success. Contingency planners try to find ways to make things better for those they protect and we have some of the best in the world, if not the best.
Are there people who would take advantage of the majority of us, yeah, of course. Can these people fool the contingency planners, not on a bet, they barely understand them. Greenspan is a very smart man, very high IQ and the same Briggs Meyers as me (means sick planner). He knew the market would crash, he knew the housing and stock markets would crash, guarenteed. He also knew there was a plan.
Warren Buffet is a decent man by every account, he certainly is not selfish nor foolish. Bill Gates is a decent man by every account, he is also not selfish or foolish. Mr. Gates believes in birth control, he does not believe in killing millions or billions of people, I cannot accept that that is in his heart when he gives away all that he has to charity. I don't buy it. The Rockefellers, maybe; but, then again maybe not. I cannot believe that no Rockefeller would reject such a plan, I don't buy that.
Mr. Buffet aside from being honest and the greatest investor in history is not a selfish man, he believes in meritocracy and worked his way up from the bottom. He was on 60 minutes and said he was protecting the asses of the masses. I believe he means it, he is not from the "elite", he was one of us. Bill Gates did not create Microsoft in order to rule the world, he was a computer nerd, he likes technology, he wanted everyone to have access to computers.
There is something going on and I don't know exactly what yet. I read all the crazy stuff and still don't know; but, I know something is going on and so do others, others like me. We read everything and look for anomalies to track, too many, more than I have ever seen in my lifetime occurring at one time and no reasonable explanations.
There are bad people in the world and good people can be manipulated; but, Lincoln was correct, you cannot fool all of the people all of the time. If the world were to end tomorrow, we would still have today, lets enjoy it and enjoy each others company. Be well.
On a heavier note, a one mile wide tornado went through a town, I cannot comprehend a one mile wide tornado, is that common? I don't think so and surely do not wish to see one. Lots of tornadoes this year.
What is causing this anomalous weather? It is not climate change, we are at the same elevation and it is not global warming, that doesn't cause the magnetic pole to shift. Why are so many people reporting mass animal deaths? Why are the bees dying? Are these things connected and if so, how? Too many anomalies at one time.
Most people's view of the world is limited, they presume that the world is static and it is not. When tragedies like Katrina or the one in Japan occur, we are reminded of how tentative our time here is and how limited we are in controlling the world. That makes people feel uncomfortable.
I am on an internet forum and was commenting on something, one of the commentors did not like my writing style, they found it somewhat condescending, I don't believe it is, it is just my style. Because it is not a common style, they found it uncomfortable and we do like our comfort. The world is acting oddly and that makes people uncomfortable. They wonder what tomorrow will bring, they wonder if they will be able to get cookies and goodies or if everything will disappear.
The world is changing and we face some problems; but, the world has changed before and we have faced problems before. Most people know very little about how the world is run, they didn't want to know. With momentous changes people are wondering what is going on and many are scared. They try and read; but, it is a little late to think that they can put all of the pieces together correctly, too much fear and too little time.
There are people like Alex Jones and Rense that are saying that the world elite want to kill 90% of the population or put everyone in FEMA camps. There are others who believe we are about to achieve some type of enlightenment or that the world is going to end (one preacher says it will end in May). There are things going on and the world does have leaders and they do conspire, it is called diplomacy. If you do not understand the language of diplomacy then it seems more ominous than it is.
The problem is that whatever is going on, it is being dealt with and the rich do not want us all to die, that is silly. Some will point to what is known as the Georgia Guidestones which say the earth should be kept at 500,000,000 people; but, it doesn't say people should be killed.
Rather than telling people the truth, even it it is unpleasent, we are told half truths and bombarded with contradictory information, that does not help anything. Having said all of that I wish to give a hypothetical. If you were the President and you were told a meteor was going to hit the earth, how would you handle it? Would you tell everyone or wait till the last minute and let them enjoy the time they have? Again, I am a Christian and don't believe the world will end, that is not what it says in my bible. As for the Mayan calendar, I have a calendar to and it expires in December after that I will buy a new one for next year.
The housing market and the stock markets collapses were intentionally done, I know that one. The question is why. Partly I believe it was done so that the system could be changed. Nobody in their right mind would want to see their own country plunged into poverty and certainly not the people in the intelligence community. I have considered these options and don't by it. The most likely scenerio is that something is causing changes in the earth and they are preparing for more catastrophes. Sometimes the earth does that, it twists and turns.
I live in Los Angeles and we have earthquakes. The first time someone experiences an earthquake they want to move to the midwest, not me, I don't like tornadoes and I don't fear earthquakes. Telling me that the big one could be coming means nothing, I have known that my whole life.
People point to occult symbolism in music and movies, they are there, that doesn't mean they are ominous. There is a club and most people are not members; but, do you really believe that those who are want us all dead? I don't think so. There are those who point out masonic and other symbolism used by Jay Z and Lady Gaga, they do use the symbolism; but, do you really believe they want to see all of their fans killed, that is crazy. Lady Gaga may be slightly odd; but, she loves her fans. I am pretty sure that Jay Z does to, he gives a lot to charity.
There have always been insiders. Every society and every clique has it's own symbolism and ritual. If Jay Z and Lady Gaga were trying to manipulate the world as part of some grand plan of the New World Order then they wouldn't openly wear the symbolism.
There is a movement for a one world government, it is not hidden, it is openly discussed. I disagree with it; but, I do understand what they believe. Rockefeller wrote in his book that he believed in it and I am sure he does. I am against many things, I am against transhumanist philosophy; but, I do believe they believe what they want will be better for people.
What I find interesting is that these things are being openly discussed, I think that is good. You chip and bar code things to better manage the inventory, not to destoy it. Yes, I know the Nazi's tattooed people, that wasn't to kill them, it was to manage them. A terrible thing and we are not animals and should not be treated as such; but, you don't need to track things with numbers to kill them.
I understand that there are those who believe putting RFID chips in people has benefits and it does. By chipping people you prevent identity theft and can find lost children. There are many benefits to chipping; but, it is wrong. It is wrong because it is would allow for too much control and mischief. It is wrong because it is not worth the cost to privacy.
We are moving towards a universal currency. This is not evil in and of itself. Some will say that it was predicted in Revelations and it was; but, it didn't say it was evil, just a sign of the times. It also said there would be earthquakes; but, they are not evil either, just the earth moving.
The government is good at keeping secrets especially when it needs to; but, the more people involved and the more likely it will come out. People will defect from any organization, just like the soldiers did in Libya, rather than kill their countrymen. The Bohemian Grove is a real place and the rich and powerful do meet there and have bizarre, pagan rituals. It is purely symbolic to 99% of the people who attend. Nixon attended and was taped saying how "faggy" it was. That is not me using the term. Nixon was not stupid and he was not pagan. Nixon, I believe, was a Quaker, his college was. If Nixon had attended and thought the rich wanted to kill us all, I think he would have said something.
Something is going on and something is always going on. Having said that a team of well trained wack jobs known as contingency planners are on it. Nothing escapes their screen, nothing, they got a plan for everything and they plan for mass success. Contingency planners try to find ways to make things better for those they protect and we have some of the best in the world, if not the best.
Are there people who would take advantage of the majority of us, yeah, of course. Can these people fool the contingency planners, not on a bet, they barely understand them. Greenspan is a very smart man, very high IQ and the same Briggs Meyers as me (means sick planner). He knew the market would crash, he knew the housing and stock markets would crash, guarenteed. He also knew there was a plan.
Warren Buffet is a decent man by every account, he certainly is not selfish nor foolish. Bill Gates is a decent man by every account, he is also not selfish or foolish. Mr. Gates believes in birth control, he does not believe in killing millions or billions of people, I cannot accept that that is in his heart when he gives away all that he has to charity. I don't buy it. The Rockefellers, maybe; but, then again maybe not. I cannot believe that no Rockefeller would reject such a plan, I don't buy that.
Mr. Buffet aside from being honest and the greatest investor in history is not a selfish man, he believes in meritocracy and worked his way up from the bottom. He was on 60 minutes and said he was protecting the asses of the masses. I believe he means it, he is not from the "elite", he was one of us. Bill Gates did not create Microsoft in order to rule the world, he was a computer nerd, he likes technology, he wanted everyone to have access to computers.
There is something going on and I don't know exactly what yet. I read all the crazy stuff and still don't know; but, I know something is going on and so do others, others like me. We read everything and look for anomalies to track, too many, more than I have ever seen in my lifetime occurring at one time and no reasonable explanations.
There are bad people in the world and good people can be manipulated; but, Lincoln was correct, you cannot fool all of the people all of the time. If the world were to end tomorrow, we would still have today, lets enjoy it and enjoy each others company. Be well.
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