Sorry, don't feel well

I have a headache and don't feel like eating. I don't feel my writing is going to be very good because of it. I had to do a lot of running around today and I was fine until I got home. I am drinking my water.

I went into work today in casual clothes, doesn't matter why. I had a lot of people comment on it. Positive comments. I don't wear casual clothes too often, don't know the last time I did at work, I will do it when I am working in the field sometimes. I didn't know it had been so long since I had done it last.

Got distracted and forgot what I was writing about. I continue to get a lot of people visiting the blog because of what I wrote about Pastor Carol Daniels, it is nice to know that so many people are interested in her, interested enough to find their way here. Lets keep hoping they find the killer.

I came across an article about a scientist who believes that we need more empathy, I agree. He was interested in what is evil, he believes the word doesn't adequately describe it, he has decided it is a lack of empathy, that is where we part ways. Oh, he specializes in autism, I know about that.

For the first 20 years of my life, my empathy level was pretty small. At times I could turn it off completely. A lack of empathy is present in many autistic people; but, we don't go out killing people, not evil. So what is evil?

People who otherwise have empathy can be evil, caring people can torture, steal and do all sorts of other terrible things. Evil is intent. If I slip and hit you with no intent, you would not call it evil, even if as a result you lost your eye. Evil is in the intent, it is the intent to put oneself above others, to be selfish. You can understand that others feel pain and decide that your happiness is more important that their pain, that is evil.

While sociopaths and psychopaths may have no empathy, true believers can be just as bad. People who choose to ignore their conscience are even worse than those who have no empathy because they do understand the pain they are causing. I am worried that we are becoming a world that is capable of empathy and ignores it. I read posts on the Internet and am amazed at the level of hate. People write that we should kill all of this or that people. Or people that say that we should nuke some place, women, children, animals. How can you possibly think that way? I had no empathy and don't think that way.

I was talking to one of my employees today while we were having a cigarette, yes, I smoke, I am scum. Anyways, we were talking and she mentioned that the work environment was changing because of the economy. She mentioned how she was ready to retire and would in four years. It is just a little less for me, 3 1/2 if I make it that long. I said that the changes in the industry would be witnessed by us; but, the younger ones would be the ones to make it work. Soon I will cease being relevant in my industry, how odd.

I have made some big changes in my industry over the years and have always been relevant, to not be somehow seems strange. I have a degree of influence and a degree of knowledge and understanding of my industry, I have left behind a well trained man to continue on; but, I don't know how I feel about knowing that soon I will retire, stop staying current and eventually not matter at all to the industry. There has been more than one person that thought I should have protection because of the changes I made (good changes; but, every change gives and takes). If you put a lock on your door it may cost a criminal, he cannot steal your stuff as easily.

It is odd to know that I will no longer have to battle and fight as I did. I wish could go out on my shield; but, that is not to be apparently. There are those who fear engagement with me, I am hard on those who would do wrong, real hard. When I was sick a few years ago there were those who rejoiced and thought I wouldn't make it, they were all wrong. There will come a time when they will have their way. I will be looked at for what I was and not for what I am when that time comes because I will cease being relevant.

This is not news, it was expected

Here it is, the government wants to tax you for every mile you drive. This is not surprising and I had previously discussed this. Read the article, be informed and make your own decision.

A Cute Question. but I have an answer

Here is a link to a column including a video. Gay Marriage. I have previously posted that I don't care if homosexuals have a government validated marriage, I just don't care.

Let us get beyond homosexuality, the speaker in the video asked if we choose based on nature or nurture, we may have urges; but, all choice is based on our individual existance, experience and intent and knowledge. He presumes that are robots who respond to urges without any control over our actions, that is garbage. I don't hate homosexuals; but, don't you dare tell me that I am a robot with no choice over my decisions, that is a lie. Neither nature or nurture determine my choices, that is the lie, I choose my choices and accept responsibility for them, would he deny me free will and the answer is that he does, he says my answers are based on nature or nurture, not me. Well guess what, they are based on me and he can f off.

Physics, Biology and Spirituality

If one believes in a God then one must assume that nature works as he intended it to. If that is so then it is a reflection of how he thinks. What can we learn about God by studying his creation and how it works? We can learn a lot.

Let us consider physics first. Simple laws known as Newtonian physics work real well at explaining the world we see and experience, up is up, cold is cold, fast is fast etc... Now we come to quantum physics and nothing works, the rules that we experience in the world don't apply and other strange things begin to be found. There is not enough matter to explain gravity and unconnected things share experiences (my favorite, the spooky effect). What does say about the universe about God?

Perhaps we can view the quantum universe as where we go, heaven. We don't need alternate universes other than the one we know, the quantum universe. That is why science cannot find a universal truth that unites the two realities. That schism, that differance in the laws that rule both prove God because nothing else can explain it, science cannot. We have spent billions creating atom smashers and we still can't find an answer that doesn't require the supernatural. Scientists turn to alternate universes, is that not supernatural and contrary to Einstien and common sense. Funny thing is they can accept alternate universes only as long as their is no God and that is silly, they exclude the explanation and accept the supernatural.

What are the differences between the quantum and atomic realities are is God. The creator if you will, the nexus between the true reality, the totality and our partial experience of it. It is the unknowable to that which is incomplete and it doesn't matter. Science seeks the "God particle" in order to disprove God, do you not find that amusing?

How should God reveal himself to us? It says that he does it in nature; but, quantum physics is relatively new, so how did he reveal himself to those who in the past, nature. How does nature work, things duplicate, split, seperate and grow on their own, if they are matches then they find each other and created more varied examples of a thought, of a being. Variation is nature, singularity is death, that is what Darwin taught. It is not about survival of the fittest, it is about survival of the thread that can handle the most variation. Neanderthal did not vary as much as Homo Sapiens did. Couldn't survive some change. He was stronger and more advanced; but, he couldn't go as far, he couldn't continue advancing.

Consider thinking of everything as a thought. A rock is a thought, a drop of water is a thought. Science says that all matter is also information, data. I call that data a thought, not just information, that assumes that it exists apart from observation. It is proven in science that observing a thing changes the thing even if it does not know it is being observed, that is spooky and implies sentience rather than materialism. I am sure in the future I will be able to clarify and simplify these thoughts; but, this is all you get today.

What then is spirtuality, it is the observation of nature and the understanding that there is something more at work, that this did not just all happen and that there is a cause, a reason, a sentience. There is a famous physicist that said there is no God and the only thing we know is real is matter, how foolish, he disregarded the fact that he existed as a sentient being, the only thing he could really know.

Quantum physics is now attempting to say that the only real thing is the subatomic and that we are a projection of it or that we live in a fractal universe (basically the same answer), the final attempt at denying God is that we are not matter at all; but, instead are vibrations or electricity. These logical extensions will also fail because the basic questions never change, explain sentience and they fail.

Sentience, self awareness, the experience of pain and emotions is not logical, it is quantum, it is supernatural because rocks do not feel pain, they have no emotions, only living things respond to stimuli. Imagine pain, think of the most intense pain you ever experienced and you know the truth, you are real and you matter and the truth is inside you, you know what you are.

I have once again slipped into a spiritual discussion; but, it is not what is discussed in church. It is not what is discussed by those who grew up believing, it is what I have thought out and investigated and concluded, it is not perfect, it is a piece of the puzzle because we all get to pick our piece to investigate and determine. It may not be the absolute truth; but, it must have an aspect of the truth for it is my truth.

I have issued a challenge to science nerds, I have written a post elsewhere to science nerds asking them to prove that only thing that exists is matter. I know the outcome, they do not, they have a box, I don't. My thoughts are not limited by a box, they are limited by my willingness and I am willing to think out quite a bit. Let us see who is willing to go further, to know more truth, to answer rather than merely ask the tough questions and do so without cheating, they cannot cheat me, I will understand where they took a shortcut, I love my autism.

I am going to say something very deep and philosophical. We cannot know everything, we are not perfect. Jesus could live in both worlds, we can; but, we cannot know all, we can experience both; but, never understand fully either. That is all that partial understanding can achieve. Put simply, you can know what you are capable of knowing and we fail to get close to that. It requires that we accept real knowledge and that means that we accept this life and pain and pleasure and truth and lies and make our own decisions about what it means. Be well.

My Dog

My daughter wanted a dog so I got one, a chihuahua. The doge has a white soft coat with a very light brown highlights. He is an idiot and not fixed nor chipped. The dog is very protective of me, I got him as a puppy and he had been abused. He doesn't like most men; but, he decided I was his person. He doesn't even like to see someone hug me, I am his.

Let me tell you how bad this dog has it for me. If I am in the bedroom and his food is in the kitchen, he won't eat. I have never seen such a thing and have had many dogs, I have had abused dogs and they loved me, it just takes some time, consistancy and love. I have never had one like this, it used to cry for an hour when I left my house and there were people it knew in my house. I have been told that when I sleep the dog lays on me and watches the door, this dog would protect me with it's life and everybody that knows him figures that out first.

When I moved out of my house I needed a place to live. Oh, yeah, hooray, I just found out today that the tranfer documents were recorded and I am no longer a home owner and don't ever want to be one again unless I can pay cash and someone else will maintain the property, hey, I can do that in an apartment. Not the point but it did brighten my day.

I am not going to write what I was going to write, I have changed my mind. I watched someone commit business suicide today. It was like a bad train wreck, some people just don't listen or feel immune from their actions. I fix problems after they occur, that is my job and I am good at it. Some problems cannot be fixed, you have to start over. Some people don't learn and insist upon making the same problem or doing the same wrong thing until they come to a complete halt and have to start over, I have seen this a million times.

You can get ahead by blaming others for all problems; but, when you get up high enough, you don't get to do that and eventually you are asked why you never fixed the problems rather than what caused them. Eventually bad behaviour is not rewarded eventually it is exposed, how we deal with that determines if we survive long enough to learn. That aint going to happen this time. Bad behaviour only works to a point and then it falls apart completely because nobody support you, nobody likes you and it is when you can't buy cookies, when nobody trusts you.

I will tell you one of the ways in which I have been blessed. I began supervising and managing at 12. Wild, huh? People are very loyal to me that work for me, even one's that do not like my personality know that I am fair and let them do their job. It may sound false to people who don't work with me; but, people in my organization read this and people that used to work for me.

Sorry again, long interruption by a family memberm be well.

Something Pretty

I have been at this blog for a while now and I don't think I talk enough about postitive things. I love talking about quantum physics i a way that people who are unfamiliar with it can understand what they are seeing, without all the fancy science, the theory. That is something very positive about people, we can understand in our way.

I read an article today where someone was discussing quantum physics and thought they did a good job, they discussed the existance of the completely insane quantum entanglement. He talked about how the human eye was used in an experiment to witness a certain atomic reaction by it's effect. There is much beauty in nature and it is a result of these impacts of the "laws of nature"; but, they are not laws. Nature is, the "laws" are our attempts to understand nature. We can understand it by looking at it too.

In the bible is says that none can deny that they were aware of God, that he showed himself in the sky and the world all around us. I want to share some pictures and then talk some more.







Each of these pictures show the beauty of nature, of this world that the Lord has created for us to live on for awhile. Sometimes I forget to enjoy nature, sometimes I am so focused on doing what needs to be done that I forget how pretty this place can be.

This place can be tough a lot, it can be very taxing and disturbing. Then I see a baby or a young toddler trying to talk to their mother and I think, we are worth existing. I am an old sheepdog and have spent too much time trying to get the sheep to do better and to not be devoured. Never been suicidal and always hated this world. The only one that ever appreciates a sheepdog is the Shepherd and the sheepdog doesn't get to interact with his own much.

I lived in the desert for about 20 years and loved it, the desert has a quiet and still adventure that you can witness if you slow down your heart and your head and just experience. I once again live is a very green area and it is also lovely with it's wild nature and vibrance. I like both. I have lived in the snow, it is lovely; but, I got frostbite and it wasn't worth living in it to me. I was always fascinated with Polynesia and it's people, it led me to be Coast Guard certified at 15 and join the Navy ROTC, I like the ocean inside a boat.

A nice musical video

Why is it that we find nature beautiful? Wouldn't it be possible to live on a world that wasn't pretty, perhaps all grey or all sharp objects? But we live on a place that is beautiful, why should such a place exist? It was pretty before the animals came and could appreciate it, so why should it be pretty?

Softness is a bizarre concept, life is most effective at establishing itself when it is the sharpest, not the softest. Soft things existed before the sense of feel. I cannot prove it; but, I bet there were good smelling things before there were animals that could appreciate it.

Honey bees can see the pollen because they see ultraviolet. We are told that they developed this sense through natural selection; but, that is sort of a weak answer, why do all of the flowers show up better in ultraviolet and they did before bees existed at all.

Beauty is to be found in contrasts, in variation. Some variations do not strike our eyes well, they are to sharp and must be softened to be appreciated; but, you need to have the extremes to begin with in order to soften them, limits of extremes, how hard and soft can you be. Our lives are hard and we can become hard; but, we can also become softer, rocks in a river smooth out over time; but, they are still rocks.

Someone recently told me that they thought I should promote one more time; but, that they never thought I should be someone to deal with the press because they said I had no filters. I have filters for that which comes in and that which goes out; but, I can very much be down to business and tell like it is. The truth can be hard on some, I try and soften it; but, I am still a sheepdog and that is what it is.

Over the years I have softened and slowed, most people find this hard to believe that work with me because I am still a sheepdog. You bark a little bit less, you snap a little less hard, no more than is needed and you rest a heck of a lot more, it is tiring chasing sheep.

I will retire in a little over three years and I am ready. I know my business and will probably do some consulting; but, I don't figure I have many battles left in me, kinda beat the odds already, thought I would have been out of the game a decade ago. Not much left to learn that matters at this time; but, I do keep up on things as the readers may have noticed. I will retire alone and on a very modest pension (half to me and half to the ex). I could have retired sooner on a disability pension, I chose not to; but, that doesn't mean I am what I was or ever will be again. Healthier; but, still have the same physical problems (and mental, lol).

I cannot explain what it means to retire as a sheepdog. I don't know how to explain it if you don't understand what it is to be a sheepdog. It means that you risk your well being for the sheep who hate you because it is your nature and it seems to please the Shepherd. Still, to be with another of your kind would be grand.

I am so old and so wore out that I don't want happiness, never knew it and can live without it. That may sound pained, it is not, I would rather know the truth than have pleasure. Lets get the bad part over with over first and the bad part is, it is us that make the mistakes, not God, nobody to blame except ourselves and we don't like that much.

Personal responsibility is a good thing, I like it, we live here and need to do the best we can to make it the best place we can; but, instead we look out for ourselves. that is why I am not a sheep, can't live that life. I think we can and should be better than that, in exchange for long periods of rest and joy, I prefer to be active in the result, that is what it is to be a sheepdog and it only lasts so loing, the end is near for this old dog.

While there is the occasional young lady kind enough to tell me that I have the body of a 29 year old, I am old and learned enough to know that I do not, that my end is approaching, I don't mean my death, though that can happen any day for any of us, I mean my end as a sheepdog, that is coming to a close. I fixate on no longer being relevant, on no longer being a player, a decision maker. My ex assistant who takes such loving concern over me is my gift to the next generation, he has plenty of strength and will use it to do well for the rest of you, I will have the joy of watching; but, it is his time and no longer mine.

I am on my way out, I have learned plenty and hopefully done the best with what I have learned that I could while balancing needs. I don't kmow it all, I have trust in the shepherd also; but, I question him and the sheep, how will I feel when I get to be with my kind, the other sheepdogs, I don't know, but, I think I will feel accepted and I don't know what that feels like.

Enjoy the night and look at the sky, you will see God and all of his creation for the variation tha exists beyond our sentience, pretty neat huh?

Osama Bin Laden is Reported to be Dead

Hmmmm, don't know that it matters. Nope, doesn't matter and doesn't change a thing. There are many more, just as smart, where he came from. There are many people in Arabia that hate the west. No shortage of haters and many have valid points, they want to run their own countries. I am a pacifist so I certainly don't agree with terrorism; but, I am also Irish and I do know what people will do if you push them enough in their own country.

The problem with thinking that killing one person can stop a war is that one person alone cannot start a war, they need supporters and those don't just stop too often. I regret to say that people will continue to strap bombs to themselves and blow up them and those around them. As for the war in Afghanistan, it cannot be won, the CIA knew this and told the president before we went in. There is nothing to win in Afghanistan, tribal fighting for well over a thousand years.

On a side note, lets talk about Kabbala, a fascinating twist on Judaism. It is sort of the same twist as the gnostics put on Christianity; but, the gnostics have been around longer and are better at it. In about the 13th century Kabbala came into existance, although, many claim it goes back to the time of Adam and Eve and they cannot prove that. It is like how the Masons claim to go back to the Pharohs, no proof.

The spiritual beliefs that are around today come from two basic schools. One believes we can learn to be ourselves and interact with the divine. The other believes either that we are the divine or can become divine. The third school is idiots like Bill Maher who don't believe we matter or exist except for a moment and that we shouldn't even worry about these things. The unexamined life, you know, the life not worth living as the saying goes.

On a side note, if someone has spent their whole life being monitored, having their phone tapped, how could you trust anything you heard? LOL. I like stupidity, it is fun to deal with. Let me put this question another way. Since age 12 my family routinely had our phones tapped, my dad wrote the law for it. Federal law enforcement guy. Today everybody gets tapped, heck, Apple tracks where you go, everybody gets to live my childhood now, how do you like it so far?

We know how there are cameras everywhere, we know that millions of Americans have had their phones tapped without court orders and we know that our e-mail accounts are not secure (no right to privacy on the internet, court said so). You now live my childhood, does it change how you act or what you say? It does and it doesn't for me and you will never know when or why or how, Pimpernel is no fool and his personality and IQ tests will tell you that.

The difference between most people regarding this issue and those who grew up with it is that we handle it differently and don't care, it is more of a place to have fun. If one lives a decent and honest life, they don't have to worry that they will say or do something that deservedly gets them in trouble. The game for us is to flush out the fact that we are being watched, that is the joy and the fun of being monitored. We will make you work for it. For they have eyes but cannot see, that is from the bible, I like the bible, you may have noticed.

Today everybody has a cell phone with a camera. Recently, a couple were photographed having sex at a California University's building, on top of it actually. I would not do such a thing so I don't worry about it. Others don't care that they are seen, those are the two ways that people respond. The crooks just find work arounds, codes and other garbage. That is the problem for the intelligence community, the one's they hear and see and the one's that are not a concern.

Most people see what they are looking for, they put the pieces of every puzzle together the way think the world works. I bet I could crash this blog, I bet I could get the government to sieze it and shut it down, I bet I could say things that would make that happen and I never signed any confidentiality agreement, I never worked for the fed and never had a clearance (I qualified when they offerred to give a commission in the Air Force, I didn't sign up). I like that.

Don't fear the stupid, fear the insane. LMAO. If done properly a game's outcome is determined before the game is begun and it is not begun until both sides decide to play a game. I told some people a couple of years back what would happen on the internet and one of them thought I was paranoid, I bet she doesn't think so now, enjoy your IPhone. People who assume that I don't know what is going on are like Lemmings, test it, test my words and predictions. Hey, Google did invest $168 million dollars in running an electrical company, how many saw that coming, yeah.

Pimpernel is silly and crazy and opinionated and old and cranky; but, stupid, do you really believe that. For those of you who read this blog and do not know me personally (the vast majority) do you read it because you like to make fun of the autistic kid? I am guessing not, I do have a clue, I also have a bad attitude on occassion. I also always have a plan and it is never caught, never completely.

There is a saying in the con artist game, there are only two ways to take advantage of someone, make them think that you have no reason to take advantage of them or make them think they are smarter than you. There is a third and they don't teach that one, my dad did and he was a very smart man, I am trickier because I grew up with it and am a little smarter than my father was or my mother, they passed on some good jeans and I have wrinkled them; but, they are not wore out yet.

A few years ago Pimpernel almost lost it, I certainly was in pain and was very depressed. The funny thing is, I still managed to make a very large amount of money and savings for my employer and others. I never stopped being able to do what is my nature and I never stopped being paranoid, paranoia is your friend not your enemy if you have a reason to be paranoid. Now everybody does except me, I always knew.

It is no longer a secret so I can tell one thing I know. Many years ago, decades in fact, my father was taken into a average looking building, they took him into the basement as I recall and pulled up a computer screen which could access satelite data, he was in an NSA building. They picked one of the people he was with and zoomed in on his house, they looked down his chimney and said he needed to get it cleaned, that was in the early 70s when the government did not even admit that the NSA existed. Pimpernel knows many things and Pimpernel never signed a non-disclosure, he was just a little boy, lol, whose daddy has been dead for many years.

For those of you who do not know me, I am not a good person to mess with. Sorry if that blows your image of me. I am quiet and I like my peace and I like to make things work, I don't like being monitored, I like being left alone. I accept what this world is and how we are monitored, confuse them, be original and don't make it an effort, make it a game, enjoy it. Yes, Apple is storing your information about where you go; but, they also have all of your e-mails, your traded that for technology.

I cannot describe how I feel about my fellow Aspergers brothers and sisters, I can't do it. When they are hurt, it hurts me because it is an attack on all of us, I hope they feel the same and know that they have brothers and sisters who feel for them. Hunter S. Thomposon summed it up best, too weird to live, to unique to die. "To sleep, perchance to dream". Yes, perchance and the lousy chance never comes. Be well.