Chastity

How do you like that for a title. LOL. I wrote about it on a website once, created more anger than anything else I ever wrote and as any casual reader must admit, I can create conflict.

No sex for Lady Gaga

The post I wrote on the other site asked a simple question. Would you be with someone who said no sex until you were married? The question was received with pure hate and accusations. I was not recommending it or vilifying those who were not abstinet. Just a question.

I have chaste for something like 3 1/2 years. No biggie, had opportunities, turned them down. The ex did not turn me off to sex, just to being with people who don't take relationships seriously. There was a time when if you had sex with someone, you had to marry them. There was a reason for this. Sex is about more than the experience.

Sex is an opportunity. An opportunity to totally envelope yourself in another. It is a chance to know that you are not alone in this world. To feel anothers body as your own, to breathe in all that they are (something a friend said). To achieve this goal you must be more focused on your partner than yourself and they must be more focused on yourself than theirselves.

You may ask what the differance is. It is simple, you get to enjoy their joy and your own. You can respond to their twitches and they respond to yours, it can be a form of communication rather than just an act. Relationships can be that way.

So, chastity, the willing non-fun of sex, the refusal to have sex until you are convinced that you are with the right person. Why does the thought of that upset people? Hmmmm. Because they are denied the privledge of having sex with whoever they want if some refuse on moral grounds.

I dated a woman, she was very nice, very intelligent, very pretty and very engaging. I liked her a lot. On the third date she wanted sex. I explained that I was waiting until I met someone who wanted to be in a committed relationship with me. Blew her mind. I explained that I did in fact find her very beautiful, I did; but, I wanted commitment and neither of us knew what we wanted of each other yet.

One of my daughters thought I should wait five years. I think something about how long it takes to get over a divorce. One of my daughters did not think I needed to wait at all. The last daughter just wanted me to be ready and happy.

It is funny to me that people have an opinion about when I should be with someone again. I have an intent, my intent is to find true love. I actually believe it exists. I will find it and not be satisfied until I do.

As people, we tend to rush to the cookie. We tend to take pleasure as soon as we can. There is always a price for this. We cease being in charge of our decisions as we base them on who is putting out cookies, we are controlled when this occurs. We want what we want when we want it. We want immediate satisfaction. We we are not orgasmic, we are being denied. That is the thinking of the world. Not mine.

How well can we control our urges? It matters not what the urge is, sex, food, sleep, money, fame.... What does it matter what the urge is? How do we approach it, can we be patient? Can we earn it? Can we be honest in our pursuit of it? How we approach our urges is the definition of who we are, it is the test of faith, it is our proof of self.

Tougher question. How do we prove to another that they are special to us? If I sleep with everyone, how will that special person know they are special? How can they know in advance that I will be committed, that commitment is what I seek?

To some chastity is not about a lack of sex, it is about a commitment to the person to come. It is an evidence that when you are in a relationship, it will be your priority. Not a game, not a fetish, not a rule, an evidence. How can talking about not having sex be so controversial. Only if it is not about sex, it is about something else, it is about commitment, cleaving as one.

Now, apply everything I said above to society and see what you get.