I can't sleep

I can't sleep. Can't close my eyes or shut off my mind. Like some sort of statue I sit in front of my laptop. Sit, not think. Perhaps some wine would help; but, I sort of doubt it. Tried that too many times. After awhile nothing helps.

It is dark and cold and quiet. Very quiet, I play music less for the music and more to combat the quiet. The same songs again and again and again. It really doesn't matter, they have less impact than musac in some fricking elevator or on some stupid phone's wait period.

Funny thing about not being able to sleep, it doesn't mean you are not tired. For some, being tired is a way of life. Just what you do. Seems that when you try to do the right thing, everything is difficult, everything is tiring. After awhile, you don't think about trying to sleep. Instead, you drink to forget about being tired.

What I am the most tired about is the things I know and hear. I am tired of what I read. Do we ever rest or do we have to wait till this play is over? Either way, eventually we do sleep. It just may be longer than we expect. In the meantime we can be true to ourselves, you know, honest and committed to what we believe. Commitment means tired. I know tired.

THAT IS MY INTERPRETATION OF PHILLIP MARLOWE AS WRITTEN BY RAYMOND CHANDLER.

My favorite authors are Jane Austin and Raymond Chandler. I was reading an LA Times article on someone who tried to bring back Marlowe to television. The article. The writer is trying out how to make Marlowe relevant. How to bring him into the current times. He didn't understand what Marlowe was.

To understand Chandler and Austin is to understand charachter, morals, commitment. The story of Marlowe is the story of someone willing to lose to do the right thing. Except, he has been at it so long that he is tired. Watch the video of Robert Mitchum playing Marlowe and hear his words. Tired.

What made Marlowe so amazing was that he was older and tired than he should have been. He did not give up on right, just on people. Marlowe, against all evidence, could not give up on truth or justice. He did not fit in with his post World War II world. A world that gave up on itself.

When people read Raymond Chandler they are amazed by his use of metaphor. He was the master of imagery. That is whay made Marlowe. It was the charachter itself. To understand Marlowe you need to understand why he did what he did. Chandler once said he imagined Marlowe always doing some crappy job for some crappy client, looking for purpose.

I was 15 when I first saw Robert Mitchum in "Farewell my Lovely". He was looking for a girl, Velma, Velma Velento. When I saw the film, I knew I had to read the books. I read them all. Wow. Mitchum made another Marlowe film, it didn't work the same. Too much energy, not enough tired.

In Marlowe's Los Angeles, it was teaming with beauty and corruption. He saw it's beauty and he saw how it was a whore. He, even though disillusioned, still saw it's beauty. I connected with that. When you see a nine year old Mexican girl walking to school past crack whores, you get it. LA is a mix, all places are, some hide it better. LA does not hide it.

Nothing has changed in Los Angeles. No need to force a change in Marlowe to make him relevant. He would still see the innocent and the filthy. Nothing has changed. Chandler just understood staying clean in filth. Chandler was all about contrast and the choices we make. He was concerned with who we chose to be and what it led to, so was Jane Austin.

I was on a flight once, years ago, decades ago. I was reading the inflight magazine. It had an article about how the most unlikely things was that someone would like Chandler and Austin. I laughed, my two favorite authors. He didn't understand either. He understood the plots; but, not the morals. The morals were the same. He didn't think in terms of morals. Be well.