On Passings

Today the Doctors finally told us that my aunt will not be getting better. Instead she will be passing on. I have made the arrangement for eight or nine funerals in the past ten years starting with my mother. The last funeral I arranged was for four family members at one time. I do not know how many other funerals I have attended as I lost count, my therapist says I should not try to remember. I agree.

Each passing is differant. Two of the people I knew went off the side of mountains. Quick and scary; but, they died immediately. Five died from cancer or side effects of chemo or radiation. Those were the most difficult. They lingered and experienced too much pain.

My mother died unexpectedly while on vacation. A vessel in her brain burst. She was the first of the group that followed. I was not there when she passed away. I held my father's hand as he passed on. I watched him drift away. It was peaceful after over a year of non-peace.

Something I have learned is that often the people passing on know it is coming. When they do, they also seem to know when it is time to just let this world go. When they come to that point, they become calm, not scared. I believe God reaches out to them in those moments and helps them to the next place.

When I was in law school, I used to ride a motorcycle to the college. One day I was coming down a hill. At the bottom of the hill was a traffic signal. I knew where it was. I looked at it to see what color it was, it was red and then changed to green. I knew that I did not need to slow down and so I sped up. Unfortunately a number of cars decided to hit each other in front of me, they did the car dance and managed to completely block the lane as I was headed to them at about 70 miles an hour.

You cannot stop a motorcycle doing 70 in a block. I attempted to break. On a bike it is best to use the rear break so as not to flip the bike. I did use the rear, the tire swung back and forth, not a good thing. I blacked out about 20 feet away from the cars, next thing I knew I was on the other side of them, unhurt and still on the bike. I looked back and the cars had not moved. It made no sense to me then and I still do not know what happened. I knew it was a miracle. I stopped riding bikes not long after, no need to push it.

I have told that story for over 25 years and tell people I still don't know what happened. Sometimes God intervenes. It was not my day to die. I have poisoned twice and still those were not my days either. Then there is the story of the politician who stubbed his toe and died, it infected. There is one man who has been struck by lightening 7 times, 7. The odds of being struck by lightning are one in 700,000. Want to calculate his odds?

The point is that it is hard to tell when you will die. Some people have survived jumping from the Golden Gate bridge. What I know is that we all pass on. When you do pass on, your perspective changes. All the garbage of this world falls away when you know your time has come. You see what your life really meant to yourself and others, even the lies fail.

I sat in my Mercedes SLK in Baker, California one day waiting to die. I had all the signs of a heart attack. I believed in my heart that my time had come, I was wrong. One day I will be right, maybe today; but, I sort of doubt it as my health has improved. That does not mean that I will not be hit by lightning.

When a loved one passes we are saddened, we are saddened for OUR loss. When a loved one has been in pain, we are saddened; but, there is a part that is glad they no longer in senseless pain. When a loved one dies quickly, we are shocked, especially if they are young.

We have lengthened our average lifespan, not the limit. We have not changed the outcome and never will. Not on this earth. This is but a place of temporary placement, a learning ground. Some people fear passing on so much that they try to find a way to live on earth forever, to never grow.

I feel sorry for aethiests, they have nothing to look forward to. I like what W.C. Fields said; "I feel sorry for a man who doesn't drink, when he wakes up in the morning he knows that is the best he is going to feel all day".

Life is temporary, a vapor in eternity. Even if we lived to be a thousand years old it is still just a vapor. There are people who would sell their soul for eternal life on earth. That is quite insane. If you have a soul then you are already eternal, just new journeys to explore. Why would anyone want to stagnate on earth?

I pulled my back this morning, I am having some difficulty sitting up. Still, I have managed to begin making arrangement for my aunt's funeral. I make them in my head, remember who, what, where and how. We will have bagpipers at the funeral. We will all get together, those of us who are left, we will drink and play cards and tell stories about each other and my aunt.

Wakes are for the living. It is our attempt to come to grips with the fact that we have lost a dear one. Sometimes I achieve a goal and want to call my mother or father, I cannot, they are dead. My mother never saw me rise to the hight of my industry, never knew what she had contributed so much to. My dad did, he was very proud. I am grateful that he knew.

I am not afraid of death, not mine and not others. I am however saddened when those I love are no longer around so that we can interact. I believe with my whole being that there is something beyond this life. Some people have had near death experiences, there is a lot of talk about it at the moment.

Some scientists, sound like experts to me, believe the experience is linked to carbon dioxide; but, that answer does not work. The experiences that people have are very similar. Some blame it on DMT being released, that does not work either, the experiences are too similar. The truth is that some get a glimpse into the next world, it is merely a glimpse. It results in calmness.

My world is all passings at the moment, losing my house, finalizing divorce and watching my last elder who I interact with pass on. With every passing comes a new beginning. We must honor our passings, experience them, grieve, remember and move on. It takes as long as it takes, we should not linger in any part too long or we stagnate.