What a week

I need a break, I am glad tomorrow is Monday and I can go to work. Picked up someone's child, 800 miles round trip and two days. Got home and had to help a family member because of another familiy members illness. Got home, today, after some people came by to view my house which just went on the market, then I had to calm down a myriad of people having personal issues. Tell me where God said this is just like Club Med. LOL.

I have too much road rust in my head, too little sleep, too many things going on at one time and too little sense. I think everything is going fine. I have ten people sleeping in my house tonight. I do have a tendency to take on more than I should. Oh well, you only go around once in life, do it with heart and love. You only get one chance to be a better person.

Just rambling, I do that sometimes. I haven't had a chance to read all my news sources. I hate that. I feel retarded and off schedule. I try to read at least 20 news sources a day, not every word, just all the headlines and some of the articles. The funny thing is that the papers all carry the same articles mostly. I am more interested in the local stuff across the world.

I don't need to read so many newsources, I know what time it is, it just is part of my routine and I like consistency. Haven't been able to listen to my music for four days, I am tonight. Consistency. My life is a circus; but, somethings I try to do each day.

A young man, the one I picked up, is in my house with his mother tonight. He has a place to stay. When the realtor came by to show the house today I was with my relative. I was away. When I returned the young boy said he didn't like the people who looked at the house. He had lost his home, that is why he is here. I understood what was on his mind, he was worried he would lose his place to live.

Imagine being a ten year old boy who has had to move away from his father to be with his mother who is living in someone else's house. How secure would you feel? I understood his fears. I called mother into my room to have a discussion. I offerred to take the boy with me when I move if she does not have a place. I won't even date women with kids or the ability to have any. Shoot me.

I cannot take everyone with me, I cannot assure everyone a place to stay. I can make sure that one little boy is covered. Crap, when do I get a break? What does it matter, I have the chance to be the better me. After speaking to the mother, I took the boy aside and spoke to him as an adult. I told him that he would never go without a place to stay if I were alive. Shoot me, I will buy the bullets.

I am 50 frickin years old and just made a commitment to a ten year old. I will keep it because I said it, I knew what I said when I said it. Someone had to and nobody else could. This world is not Club Med; but, I thought we could get some vacation time if we did what the world asked of us. I was wrong.

Someday perhaps I will find love. Perhaps, somebody will connect with me in a way that I do not have to fear. There is one I miss so much. She is the dangerous type to be sure. Someone who will only tell the truth, someone who will risk it all for another because it is the right thing to do. I still have hope there are others that will do the right thing for the right reason. I read about one today.

So, there was this golfer. He was about to win his first PGA tournament. He called a penalty on himself. If he had not, he would have won. He did the right thing, he called a penalty on himself. He admitted he had made a mistake, it cost him about $600,000; but, more importantly it cost him the win, the record book, the endorsements, the fame. He did the right thing for the right reason.

Too many people take the easy way out, too many look after themselves first. I want to take the easy way out, I want to be selfish; but, I want to be a better me more than I want comfort. I have a friend named Debbie, she is an amazing women, gives to everyone when she has nothing to give, she is an inspiration. I pray for her, I pray for God to bless her and smite her enemies, those who would deceive her. I hope she reads this.

There are still good people in this world. She is one and I know others, I try to be like them. I fail miserably. It is not about failure of success, it is about honestly trying. I can do that. So can you. So did that golfer. It is not about being a saint, it is about trying and failing and trying again.

I bet I fail tomorrow, I bet I failed at something today. I tried, I tried as best I could given today. Not perfect, not what I could have done if I were 20 years younger and with less road rust on my worthless ass. I did try, that is the best I had. I believe God gives credit for trying, I think that is all we have to do, not justify, not explain, try.

OH my gosh. My daughter just came in my room a few minutes ago. I told her what I did about the boy. She hugged me. I cried. She asked me if I thought she had a heart of shit and agreed with my decision. I cried again. Pretty cool to have such a daughter. I need to go to bed. May God hold you all in his hands, he does me.