200th post since I started the new blog

I cannot believe that this third iteration of my blog has already reached 200 posts. That is quite a lot of baloney to come out of one person. I want this post to be on something light. I have been reading too many heavy things and don't want to talk about them for the 200th, instead I want to write about Love.

Here are some songs generally believed to be about love. The artist's name will be a link to the video song and the title will link to the lyrics.

Laura Brannigan - Self Control.

Animotion - Obsession

Laura Brannigan - Gloria

The Police - Every Breath You Take

If you read the lyrics you should see there is something very dysfunctional going on. The first song rather than being about self control is about losing all control, it is almost psychotic. The person blames others for her indiscretions. "You take my self control" she continually repeats while admitting she is living a lie.

The second song is again about over the top obsession and the purpose is not love but is instead sex. "Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me">

The third song, Gloria is about a woman who has gone insane, hears voices in her head and imagines lovers.

The fourth song is about a stalker, Sting could not believe that people play this song at weddings. Read the lyrics, they broke up and he keeps stalking this girl. Creepy.
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It is surprising how twisted the emotions are that are expressed in most love songs. There is little point in discussing rap love songs, "I like big butts". Who said romance is dead.

Themes in "love songs" are frequently about obsessiveness, being out of control and merely responding to urges or stalking. Possessiveness is also a big topic. What then is a mature approach to love? What emotions and perspectives should we promote. I know many women who have told me about horrible dating experiences they have had.

I would say that respect for people you date is important, treat them as you would like to be treated rather than just trying to play a role so that you can enjoy their cookies. How about trying to get to know them, what they believe, think and want out of life.

I have read dating advice on the web, most of it is just horrible. It starts from the premise that you should be someone other than yourself and avoid controversial matters. I would think that the controversial stuff should come up first so you can decide if you are right for each other.

Lets try some other songs. The first one is considered more sexual than the ones we looked at; but, lets look at the lyrics a little closer.

Jefferson Starship - Miracles

In the song a couple has been apart. The singer longs for his love and tells her not to lose heart. He then discusses all aspects of being with her, not just sex. In particular he talks about how he knew from the moment he met her that their heart was one, that together they could do anything. He talks about how love is the answer. He says that love is a rarity, it was the sex that was simple. And what does he ask of his love, that she believe they will be together again to share their love. He talks about holding her hand and walking with her. When is the last time someone sang about something like holding a woman's hand in a song?

Gloria Estefan - Don't Wanna Lose You Now

I guess Ms Estefan is no fan of dating sites either. She talks about her husband seeing her for who she is, about being herself. The song makes perfect sense coming from her. She was about 17 when she met her future husband who was considerably older. She grew up and and said she would stand her ground and be herself, she asked him to accept her as she was rather than give up on their relationship. Commitment.

Pat Benatar - We Belong

One of the best songs about a couple staying together, she and her husband have been married a very long time. All couples go through tough times and people change, grow; but, love should be the glue. In the song she says, "We belong to the words we've both fallen under" she is referencing their wedding vows.

What I think I am getting at is what does true love feel like? My father used to teach people how to spot forged securities, he explained to me when I was a child how they taught the people in the Secret Service to spot such things. The Secret Service is part of the Treasury Department.

New agents are taken and shown every part of the manufacturing process, the paper and how it is made, the ink and how it is made, the plates and how they are made, they are so familiar with the real thing that they cannot be fooled. You teach someone to find truth by showing lies because the lies are endless, you teach them how to spot the real thing, everything else exposes itself.

One should ask themselves what type of person is right for them rather than asking if the person in front of them might be okay. We tend to settle because of what was available rather than looking for what we know is right for us. It should be a person who you feel you can be completely yourself with and who can be completely themselves with you, that is love and acceptance.

Based on my thoughts, the song I find the most offensive lyrically is by

Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young - Love the one your with

I find, while musically fine, quite cynical. "There is a girl right next to you and she's just waiting for something to do". Great message, love the one your with. In the old days the sailor's would say, "Any old port in a storm". Had nothing to do with love. Here is a very young girl singing the song on a talent show. Tori Thompson. Watch it and ask yourself if you still think the song has a good message.

I am not intending to critique any of the authors of these songs, songs are written when we are feeling something and don't necessarily represent who we are. What brought this up was an article in Newsweek. It is titled, "The Case Against Marriage" and is written to women. It basically says that women don't need to be married anymore to have security so they shouldn't marry. Marriage can be about love.

What ever happened to believing that there is someone for everyone, whatever happened to believing that their is another soul out there that compliments and wants to be with you, that you can enjoy a lifelong relationship with another if you both try. We have turned from acceptance to a culture of temporary reltionships, as soon as we get what we want from the person, we seek someone new. When we do that we never know love, not true love, transformational love.

The bible describes two types of "love", the highest type of love is "Agape" or sacrificial love that drives people to do for one another. It is the type we are supposed to be attempting to achieve in our hearts and by definition it changes our actions. The common type of love is "phileo", a type of friendship love.

"Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness [phileo], and in your brotherly kindness, love [agape]". (2 Peter 1:5-7)

The above quote also talks about exercising self control as the beginning of a journey that can lead to agape love, something we discussed recently.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails". (1 Corinthians 13)

The description of love in Corinthians is not a description of sex or the thrill of being with them, it is a description of the consequences, evidence of true love. If your love does not have these attributes it is not agape love. Be well and have a great week.