Trauma and shock as a child can effect the way you see the world and stunt emotional growth. I have met many people who have suffered through such things, all of my dogs were abused also. How do we help people to heal emotionally.
I know how I did it with my dogs. I provided them with quiet and calmness. My current dog was abused, when I first got him he was very anxious. Someone used to kick him in the rear is my guess, it was a man, I believe it was a bigger man. I believe this based on how he acted.
He is a very funny dog. He is a Chihuahua. He is completely fearless. We discovered something about him, he has changed. He is still fearless; but, now he seems to respond to others based on how I react to them. He is very perceptive. He waits to see how I respond and then responds in kind. Well not quite, he bards at anyone that makes me feel unsure or that I dislike.
When I first got him he would not come to me. He hid under furniture. I never pushed him to come out. I never chased him down, I let him decide how close and what the pace of our evolving relationship would be and I never hit him. When he is unruly, I will hold him gently in the air with his feet off the ground and he calms down. He knows he is not in control and that he will not be harmed. I don't have to do that much anymore, he is a smart dog.
At night he will lay next to my legs, it is cute, he burrows under the covers and lays against may legs. Unfortunately, he also likes to fart. That has gotten better; but, still occurs. I don't like meeting new people and neither does he. I guess we both have to work on that.
I consider pets to be pets. I call him my baby; but, like I would call any loved one my baby. I let him come and go, from my room, as he pleases. He goes out, investigates, eats, sees who is in the house and then comes scratching at my door. I let him back in. He knows he can scratch on the door and I will let him in.
In the morning I go to the restroom and then take my shower. He barks when I go into the restroom. He didn't always do that. When I leave the house in the morning he sits at the window and howls for an hour. I am glad that I could take a dog who was abused and have him howl at my window because I have left. I think I did a good job with him.
I wondered how we could help adults who had been abused. I think the answer is the same. We have to know security, safety, that we are cared about and will not be abused before we can learn to open up. Gentleness is the key.
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2 comments:
Yes, we do have to feel safe before we can open up. I've had my safety blasted out of the stratosphere but still wish to trust another enough again.
I hope that's just not stupid or gullible. I hope it's smart and that it pays off one of these times, for real.
Is this the way a dog feels, ya think?
Dear Anonymous,
My divorce and how it came about and things that she did during, such as giving my personal correspondence to her boyfriend were all very hard. It made me feel betrayed and I had to make the decision if I could fully give my heart again. I chose yes. It is just that I will be more careful both for me and the other person. You can do it and I believe it is the only way to do it. When we can trust fully again, we have won over what happened to us.
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