Something slightly sexy

Romance, it seems to be a dead art. Romance is considered a waste of time anymore. I was talking to one of the young men I know about why I have chosen to not take some of the feminine opportunities that have been available. When I was younger premarital sex was still frowned upon. It is difficult for young people to even understand how that effected the blossoming of relationships.

I explained how it was very common for kids to not be allowed to date until they were 16. I remember those times, I watched them come to an end. I tried to explain that you might have gone to elementary school with a girl and known her for ten years before you asked her out on a date. It seems alien to people today. I also explained that most people knew each other pretty well by the time they dated, they had grown up together. It is part of the reason there were fewer divorces in the past.

When people talk about how they married their high school sweetheart, it was often someone they knew as a child and had watched develop over the years. This was especially true in smaller cities and towns. Once the young couples had decided to date, then came the courtship. People have forgotten how wonderfully exciting courtship can be. I hope have not.

Courtship is a slow dance rather than a race for the bed. It was measured by how intimate you had become with a lady, a process not a result. Each time together you would get just a little more intimate, eventually this would lead to "heavy petting". The effect on people and their relationship that followed is different than what you get by sleeping together by the third date.

I wanted to write a story illustrating the difference and have decided to give it a try. Wish me luck.

THE DANCE

I remember the day I decided that I wanted to take Barbara on a date. I had known here since we were ten and had never thought of her as anything other than a girl. We had plenty of girls in our schools and she seemed to be just another. She was pretty enough and smart enough; but, growing up I was more into football with my friends.

Sometime around entering High School something changed. I can't tell you exactly what occurred but girls seemed much more interesting than they had. I noticed that people I had known since childhood began hooking up and going out together. I began looking at the girls differently, my friends and I would discuss what we thought of the different girls, their good points and bad points.

I hadn't noticed; but, over the last year Barbara had become less of a girl and more of a woman. One day my friend Steve was talking to me and asked me what I thought about Barbara. I didn't know what to tell him, something in my gut felt odd. I said I liked her well enough and moved on. I started thinking about her and watching her more as the days passed. I noticed little things, like the way she walked and how she played with her hair when she didn't know an answer in class. Stupid things really but I found them charming, unique to her.

One day, we had a show in the auditorium and I got to watch her sing. That was the day I decided that I would ask her out. Sitting in the dark auditorium watching her with spotlight on her I began to feel something. I felt I wanted to be alone with her.

SORRY, IT DIDN'T WORK. THE STORY FORMAT ISN'T WORKING FOR ME.

Back in the day, sex was not a for sure thing. Women were taught to be young ladies and it had meaning. The legs did not open unless there was commitment. You might date for years without having sex. In fact, the dating was the thing. Watch "American Graffiti" for a feel of it.

There was a time when women who slept around were considered "bad girls" and there was a time when there were "good girls". There was a time when there were gentlemen rather than studs. I see very few ladies and gentlemen anymore.

When young ladies were developing, it was a thing of beauty. It was something treasured and valued by men of class. Good men wanted a woman who would be a good wife and raise their children with the same values. It was a search for beauty rather than sex. The excitement of not knowing if you would would get to touch a breast. Quite an achievement at one time.

Intimacy is letting someone see and feel parts of you that you intend only for you and one other person. It is the exclusivity that makes it intimate. If you do not cherish your body and privacy then there can be no intimacy. Intimacy makes a relationship different than all of your other relationships. It makes your partner and lover your best friend, the one you tell your secrets too because they have proven their love.

Imagine, if you will, going into a relationship knowing that you will take your time in getting to know another. Imagine agreeing to take things slowly, the anticipation, the wonderment. Imagine getting each other one body part at a time.

The first date is holding hands, the second date is a peck on the cheek, the third date a kiss. The fourth date is a roundup of the previous three. The next date may explore arms. The passion builds, the sweetness of anticipation. Each step achieved individually, if done well then one is allowed to proceed to the next level.

There are people who practice tease, we have names for them. I am not talking about teasing, I am talking about timing. I am talking about learning. Learning what your partner likes. We all enjoy an orgasm; but, there are other things we can enjoy. We don't know what those are if we go straight to sex.

There are things I do not like, I do not like my nipples played with. I don't know why, I just don't like it. I like to hug a lot, that is wonderful foreplay for me. I like hugging; but, it has to be the right kind. The caring kind.

Experimenting and learning mean that you are paying attention, that being a good partner is more important than being an immediate partner. Some experiments will fail, that is great. The first time you have intercourse, you should know your partner so well that you cannot displease them, you should have driven the rest of the road in advance.

I have failed miserably, I have not presented what I am trying to explain in a satisfying manner. We live in a fast food culture, we are impatient about everything. We do not know the joy of anticipation. You should approach a woman's body the same way you approach Christmas, let the excitement build. You should approach relationships in the same way, you have a lifetime to learn them. Put things in order, don't start the mystery novel by reading the end.

Romance is missing from our world. Romance is a hesitant woman and a man who is willing to be patient and prove that he has a better self. After 24 years together, I still brought flowers weekly, as some died, I would replace them. I have faults, plenty, in fact as many as anyone else. But, I still believe in romance and in marriage.

I believe in marriage, I believe in growing together, even through the hard parts. I believe a relationship should have hard parts or it is not truthful. We are not perfect for anyone, we are practically perfect for someone. Learning our joys and dislikes is developing a relationship.

A relationship is not non-stop pleasure. Romantic love cannot be sustained forever; but, romance can. The giddy highs you feel at the beginning cannot be held onto for every second for decades. We like the giddy highs so many go into serial relationships constantly seeking the high. Sometimes a good buzz is better.

I just can't get this together right. I will post it but apologize that it didn't come together the way I wanted. It may have value but I did not get out what I wanted and I know it. Have a great weekend.