Change of Plans

I was supposed to go somewhere today; but, as I was getting ready to leave had a visit from Fed Ex. They had the papers needed to return my house to the mortgage company. It also said that I had one week to get the papers in or it would be a foreclosure rather than a deed in lieu.

In order to get the documents ready I had to meet with my ex-wife. I thought she would be difficult again and wasn't too excited about the whole thing. My eldest made the arrangements, I met with the ex, everything was civil and I congratulated her on graduating school.

With these documents it is finally over. It has taken more than three years to put this horrible experience behind me. The notary we used was surprised that my ex had kept my last name. I just shook my head when she asked me because I don't understand. It doesn't really matter to me, the important thing is that we are no longer contractually connected except for some credit cards I have to pay off; but, she doesn't use them anymore. Well she also gets half my retirement so I guess we are contractually bound by my giving her money for the rest of my life; but, I don't have to actually do anything, my employer will send her the money when it is time and I won't even notice.

Basically my point was that it is over. When it began I was shocked then sad then angry and now it is in the past. I am not sure I have an emotion about it anymore. I don't know how to explain that. I can't say I am joyous and I can't say I am sad. I am more relieved than anything else, relieved that I can now make plans for myself. The house was the last thing tying me down to anything. I don't mean that I don't have connections and people that matter to me, I mean I can move around and live wherever I want. It feels good.

End games are always the most interesting. New games are fun; but, they are work, back to basics. What do I believe, what do I believe I should do and what do I need to do it. I am looking for a new victim, any takers? LMAO. I used to have so little time to think about solving problems and now I have all the time in the world. I need a challenge and it needs to be big.

When I saw my ex, I didn't feel anything other than dreading a problem. She looked okay, we didn't have any cross words and I just wanted to get it over with. It wasn't bad like going to the dentist, I just wanted to do what we had to do and return to my life. I don't hate her, she is just someone I knew now. I feel I can now maybe begin to think about having a serious relationship again; but, I don't feel a need to do anything about it. Right now it just feels good to be free.

I don't regret my choices. I don't regret that I married had kids or spent all of my efforts on them. I did what I believed in and still do. Still, I have never lived without being responsible for others. I don't mind responsibility, it is just nice to not have as much for awhile.

I got to see my ex-assistant and always friend this week. Actually, I had a big week I got to spend time with two of my friends. My ex-assistant is kicking some major rear end in his new job and I was very proud of how much he learned, it wasn't easy for him to work for me, how could it be? He came to work for me when it all began and will always be there.

Closing doors, we should always check ourselves when a door closes, make sure you brought your keys and your wallet. Make sure you have everything you need to go to the new place. I am good to go, I just need to pick a destination. I lost everything so I only have to bring my dog, my computer, a phone and some clothes. I can pick up the rest on the way. I travel light; but, I only travel by my rules.

Trips are better when we have a good traveling companion, I don't have one right now; but, I will. I will find someone who wants to go to where I am going, we will have to share that in common. A common purpose. Life is a journey and it is good to have an appropriate traveling partner. I wish everyone, including my ex-wife, to find the traveling partner that is best for both of them, it ain't me.

I lost a day. I can still do what I need to do this week; but, I lost a day. I didn't really lose it, it just wasn't what I had planned. I can now approach my week feeling that I have resolved some lingering issues and can move forward. I guess I lost a day and I gained my freedom. Be well.