My Friend and My Dinner

I am one of the most blessed people ever, I have the best friends that one could ask for. I got to spend time with one of them tonight. I treasure the time I get to spend with my friends, they have kept me going when my wife and children were not there for me. I don't blame my ex or kids, I just appreciate the people who were there for me.

I got off work and decided to cruise the boulevard, I really just wanted to think. I stopped at a restaurant and got out, I sent a text to my housemate saying I was going to get dinner, then, my friend called, he invited me to dinner at a place that I love. I immediately agreed, heck, I figured he would probably pay anyways and I am broke.

We ate and then we went and got coffee. I spoke to his wife on the phone, she had been such a blessing to me and is the love of his life and he, hers. I hope he has her read this, she is shy when I tell her how special she is; but, she is very special to me because of her loving and giving heart. She gives me hope, hope that I can have such a love someday. That is one of the things about my friends, they prove that one can have a loving and committed relationship. Hope.

My dear friend stayed up so late talking to me, he knew I was a little sad. I cannot ever explain how well my friends held me up when I had nothing left, I was broken and lost, I had lost something integral to me, my purpose. I have never been without purpose and when I lost my passion I knew I had to find it again. My therapist reads this sometimes and knows what I am saying. Yes, I have a therapist and I like him as a person and enjoy talking to him about what a whack job I am. God brought him to me, same as he does for everyone in our lives.

Why don't we have a best friends day? We have Valentine's day. Why can't we have a day where we celebrate our closest friends? Because we have all kind of friends and we can't rate them. If we did, I couldn't rate my friends, they are all great and important to me. I wouldn't want them to rate their friends either, what is the point of rating love? You cannot rate love, it is or it is not.

My friend and I talked for hours, I had the freedom to discuss the things in my life that made the least amount of sense, the things in my life that made no sense and the things in my life that scared me. I could discuss these things without fear of laughter or ridicule, there is nothing but true concern in his heart. That is freedom, freedom to hear your own words and decide for yourself if you are losing it or off track because he would call me on it rather than ask how it impacted him. That friends is love.

When most people talk about love, they are talking about sex, not love. Love is a concern for other people that leads us to give up our own comfort for them, that is love. It is a concern for others that leads us to ignore our prejudices and be more concerned for others. That concern leads us to give up things we want in exchange for having a relationship with them. Love is never judgemental, it is giving and puts up with a heck of a lot.

I have other friends, I have two brothers who I consider like family also. I am living in their apartment building. One of them reads this and knows who he is. DON'T COMMENT ON THIS POST. I have many special friends. I don't know why they would put up with me, I am not every one's "cup of tea". The friend I saw tonight gave me a pretty good answer to that question and as I love him, how could disagree with the truth?

We all screw up, regularly. We also all make some good decisions, friends look at your good decisions, friends root for your success, friends hope you get better, friends hope you are happy, friends know who you are, good and bad. Friends are friends.

I cherish my time with friends and family that care about how I feel rather than if I make mistakes (I do). I cherish the time I get to spend with people who I can tell what I really think, while I am still working out the alternatives. I cherish the time I have with friends where I can do the same for them, it is never a burden, it is a blessing. I cherish my friends and family.

My friend, who took me to dinner, asked me a question about dating and love. He wanted to see me happy and dating again, searching so that I could find love and heal. I had to tell him that I was not going to date, that I was going to wait until the love of my life appeared. That is where I am at, I can no longer accept anything less than the one that completes me, that helps me to define me, not by them; but, by there support of defining me and the one that I can support in their definition of them. That requires that we agree on what we are and what we want to become.

I am going to plug a restaurant and get nothing in return, nor do I want anything. If you are ever in Los Angeles, go to Brent's Delicatessen, you will not be disappointed. I don't think being my friend is the best thing in the world, it is not the funnest; but, I do believe that the best people in the world are my friends and that is pretty awesome.

I heard about a television show tonight, It is called something like "Spartacus, gods of the arena". I read up about it, it sounds like pornography to me. It is a show that allows watchers to see even worse than the Romans saw at the Coliseum, it shows sex and the worse violence and gore that can be shown. This is why I don't watch television. I don't want to see people being harmed, it is not exciting to me even if it is just a movie.

By the way young man, it is coming for me and it is close and that is why I am anxious. I don't know what to say when it does, I am afraid of the yes more than the no and am very confused. I am scared because it means I was right again and I still don't particularly like the answers. I am scared, not for me; but, for what it all means, the answers. Sorry kids, some of this is for everyone and some is just for him.

What scares me is "what if I am right?" What do I do then? It sucks when you would rather be wrong than right, that is a hard pill to take. Still, the game must proceed and we must give what we have or we are sheep. I am not a very good sheep, I have opinions and I have decisions and will make them and play them to the river if I think I am right. That is who and what I am, that is not negotiable; but, I still get tired sometimes. I can live with that, I give myself better than 50/50 and would bet much worse odds for a chance at a win.

With that inane post I end tonight. Be well, you matter and life can be interesting if we allow ourselves the chance to be true to be true to ourselves, be you, be true to your beliefs and heart, be you. Have a great week and day.