A Visit to a Cemetery

I don't visit cemeteries often. I have buried many, many people; but, rarely go back to visit. I am much more likely to think about those who have passed away rather than visit the place where they are buried. I visited a grave today, I had promised myself that I would do it and I did.

I visited the resting place of the love of my life. It was not meant to be, outside forces and the world got in the way. I left her flowers and candy cane, her sister had left her candy canes so I figure she must have liked candy canes. I left them for valentines day just before the place closed so I would know that they would be there in the morning for her. Stupid, right? She will never see them nor taste the candy canes. I just felt a need to do it.

She is buried in a little hill in front of a little white church, it is a very pretty place. While I was placing the flowers and candy, a car pulled up in front of mine, the person looked at me and then drove to the other side of the hill and parked; but, never got out. The driver was a woman of about my age. I left the things on the grave which still looks very recently dug. I then got in my car and drove away. I wondered why the woman in the car had parked next to me and then moved on, I wondered if it might be my love's sister. I am never not an analyst.

It is possible that the woman was scared of me; but, I was just some guy placing flowers and candy canes on a grave at 4:30 in the afternoon the day before Valentine's day, I don't think I looked that scary, just sad. Maybe she was there to visit someone's grave that was nearby where I was and she wanted to be alone; it is a new part of the cemetery and there cannot be more than three close by. Perhaps I shall never know. Life is like that sometimes.

I have felt that there was something left for me to do in order to completely be free of my past and I didn't know what it was. I have had the feeling that there was some unfinished business and I think this was it. My elders are all dead, my house and prior life are now gone never to return. Saying goodbye to her was a finality, it was the last attachment that is gone that needed to be recognized.

So now I am free to do as I wish, I am free to date, free to move where I wish, free to do whatever I want. I don't wish to move, I like where I am. I cannot say there is anything in particular that I wish to do other than write. I do not think I wish to date, I think I am done with that. I think I will focus on work more. I only have to work a couple more years and there are some things I would like to see happen.

I don't know where my life will take me; heck, I cannot believe where I have been and how I got here I will never know. What I do know is that there are certain people that I will not see again and certain things that I will not do again. Closing doors and new roads are a fact of life if we are lucky enough to see them. I think I have shut off the lights and closed the doors to parts of my life that are never to return.

The Beatles - In My Life