Open to Dating - I Think

I spoke to someone today who said that they thought I should date again and they even asked me why I was not. I told the truth, relationships are a lot of work. My youngest spoke to me about it also, she told me she thought I should just date a bunch of women and not be in a relationship.

It has been 5 years since my ex-wife asked for the divorce. I dated a handful of women, enjoyed each date and met some wonderful people. I never had a complaint. I enjoyed the conversations with people close to my age (only one person I dated was older than me, just worked out that way).

Anyways, I began asking myself what it is I would like to see in a woman, what kind of woman would the Pimpernel like to date. I will begin with the physical as it is the least important. I like women that are petite, with dark hair and blue eyes or green eyes. I like a well balanced proportion and nice legs. And if she was tall, red headed with brown eyes, that could be nice too. I just mentioned my preference, not a requirement.

More important things to consider in who I would choose to date. First and foremost they would have to be a Christian and committed to ministry of some type. Seeing as how I preach on the weekends, I sort of figure people who didn't feel the same way would probably not want to date me anyways.

One of the things I liked the best about dating was that the women were all intelligent. I love that in a woman, a keen mind and a good sense of humor. I could date someone that others found less than attractive; but, I could not date someone that was incapable of having a deep and meaningful conversation even if we disagreed. I wish to be challenged and I wish to challenge the people I interact with.

The real deal closer is gentleness. I like a lady to be a lady, I like a tender partner. I am not talking about someone who is submissive and a slave, I am talking about someone who actually cares about how those around her are feeling and doing. Tenderness of soul rather than a voracious need for stuff and "self-fulfillment" regardless of their effect on others.

I have a problem with people who have a 110 item long list on their requirements for a wife. I don't think my list is that long and I think it is reasonable, at a minimum, it is the type of person I would be happy with. Oh, I also want them to be about my age. I don't want to have any more children and I don't want to raise my partner. I don't have a specific age range; but, late forties to early fifties is about right.

Now, here comes the rub. If I met someone who met and exceeded all of my wishes, I still don't know if I would date them regularly. I am lonely at times; but, not often. I like female companionship; but, dread having to report all of my actions and thoughts. I am not so much afraid of being hurt again as I am of wasting my time on someone who will betray me and take advantage of my efforts. It is a lot of work to be in a relationship and I am just not sure it is worth the risk of making another mistake. I do believe there are good women out there; but, I don't think I can handle being wrong again.

Fear is a funny thing, I haven't felt it very often. I consider it sort of useless. I determined early that there are only so many ways that a situation can turn out. It can get better is the best situation or you can die. If you die, you really don't have any more problems. Therefore the worst case scenario is that your problems go away. Short term you could feel pain; but, lets face it, I guarantee you will die so even pain is temporary. I think I just want to avoid some pain in between now and then.

In my life I have been shot at, cut and beat with bamboo. I don't remember the pain of any of it. The worst pains I have felt in my life were when I needed a root canal and when I herniated my intestine. Those were the sharpest pains, the cluster headaches I had till I was about 30 were shear hell; but, less sharp. I know I can find a better partner then the one I had; but, I could also make some really bad mistakes. The betrayal was worse then any physical pain I ever had.

Do you like being my therapist? My therapist used to read my blog, maybe he still does. If he does then I want to thank him for listening to my nonsense for as long as he did. If I ever see him again, I might tell him the rest of the story; but, it just got weirder and weirder.

I don't know what kind of woman would want to be with me. I am not saying I think I am not worthy of being with, it is just I don't know who I would be right for. I think they would have to be smart and tender; but, I don't know what type of person would want to be with me. I think to be with me a woman would have to be secure in themselves. They would have to want to be with someone who preaches on the weekends. I think that leaves out a lot of people.

Well there it is, the ramblings of the Pimpernel saying what is in his heart. Thoughts with no conclusions, I am still learning who I am. Take care kiddies.