Recently, I was invited to a gay wedding. I shall be attending, health permitting. I have known the young man for many years and think it is always an honor to be allowed to share special events with friends. When I told my parents I was getting married, my mother told me she couldn't attend because I was not getting married in a Catholic church, I reminded her that I had left the Catholic church. In the end she did in fact show up and was quite pleasant and supportive at the event.
I am a fairly conservative Christian and know many who believe that gay marriage is the beginning of the end for the world, this is worse than naive as it prevents them from seeing the real challenges that face us. We are being destroyed by war and greed. We have had plenty of wars before gay marriage and greed is based on selfishness. I also know gays who believe that if gay marriage is legal, somehow they will be accepted and they are also wrong. The reaction to gay marriage should make that clear.
You should ask yourself why two gay atheists would want to have a marriage ceremony. Remove all your emotions and ask the simplest question. When straight people get married we ask why and if they should commit to one another. Anymore when we go to weddings we ask if the couple will stay together for long. I used to believe marriage was for life, I got over that when my wife left me for another man. More than her leaving me, the way the government had control over her leaving me was what really surprised me. I was told by an attorney in Panama that in Panama you have to see a therapist for a year before you are allowed to divorce. In Arabia the rules are even harsher.
I couldn't sleep tonight and ended up thinking about the coming wedding that I have been invited to. It made me pause, I wondered if they understood what the meaning of this ceremony is. For those who were wondering, I do not perform any "legal" marriage for anyone and don't intend to. I am willing to speak at a wedding but do not believe that I need the governments permission to recognize that two people have made a life long commitment and that is what marriage is. I leave it up to God to determine if they should have committed to one another.
I have wondered why the divorce rate is so high (80%) for gay couples, couples that had been together for 20 years got married and then suddenly divorced within 2 or 3 years. I think they had assumed that if they conformed to societies rituals and expectations in the are of marriage that somehow they would be supported and accepted by society and that is clearly wrong. In their attempt to please others many missed what marriage is really about and that is about committing to one another.
For my conservative friends I ask a question. If gay people go get a license to be gay and together what do you fear they will do differently? Are you afraid they will keep having sex? I think they have continued having sex for millions of years. For my gay friends the question is harder. What do you think changes when you have the ceremony? The truth is that most gay people don't believe their lives will change in anyway when they have the ceremony other than they think they will somehow be accepted more and they won't.
I like the actress Kristen Bell, I think she is amusing. She and her husband did not want to get "married" until gays could get married; but, they were in a completely committed and sexual relationship. They were already married; but, assumed it was the governments approval that made it a marriage. Marriage is a lifelong commitment that you make in your heart and follow. I would ask them a simple question, the fact that they did not have a government license to be "married", would they have accepted each other sleeping with others or making commitments that effected them both without discussing it and coming to some sort of agreement?
"Government" sanctioned divorce is not divorce. Divorce occurs the moment one partner in a lifelong commitment defaults on their commitment, it is a bankruptcy if you will. It occurs when one party says that they cannot or will not meet their commitments. When you go to court and get divorced the only question is who will pay for what. My judge summed it up very well during our divorce when he said that the outcome was not about justice, it was about the law.
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2 comments:
If I dismiss my beliefs. Beliefs being assumed truths. Then my comprehension of the world will have no meaning. I have question my beliefs throughout my life and I have amended them with speculations and how I interpret facts. "Gay" with my understanding of this word it means two of the same sex sexually attracted to one another. "Straight" meaning opposite sexes attracted to each other. These two words define a view of sexual attraction, but more than the definition of the words they define a distinct difference of belief. Should we find another word not marriage for this unity.
Dear Anonymous,
What you failed to define was marriage. Believe as you will. If you define marriage as a government sanctioned ceremony than your beliefs do not include Adam and Eve. If you define "sex" as what happens between a man and a woman, then there is no gay sex. My point was simple, I was talking about commitment regardless of between whom.
I don't have to like every commitment that people make; but, to deny commitments is to deny reality and responsibility. I do believe gays can make commitments.
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