Long two days

Just got home a short while ago. Brought someone's kid back with me for them. 6 1/2 hours on the road. Lots of dust in my head and brain. You know how you can feel after driving day and night. Fuzzy and dusty. A desert in your brain with some cat piss for good measure. Should have slept more last night.

It was nice to reunite a mother and her son. I tried to make him feel comfortable. His father lost his job and has no place to stay so he was brought back to his mother. The mother just got a place to stay. Lots of people losing jobs and needing places to stay, lots of children being shuffled. This happened before.

Problem with road rust is that you get over tired and can't sleep. That is where I am. When I do fall asleep I will sleep for a day or four hours, lets hope it is for a day. Got two calls, one was just continuing bad news about someone who is sick, the other was bad news about my pension. I felt bad about the first and laughed about the second.

I sat down to read some news. Read about the volcano explosion. Laughed at the writers, for the last two weeks they have been saying how there has been no increase in earthquakes, now they are saying there is an increase and all these events are interconnected. Make up your minds. They are like stock brokers, what ever the market does they say they knew was gonna happen; but, they lost you money.

Next article on are you dumb enough to believe the bullshit you are being fed. The Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio was grafittied by unknown assailants. The statue sits atop 2,300 feet on the top of Mount Concordia in Rio De Janeiro. The road had been washed out and people were not allowed to drive up it. The statue was covered with construction scaffolding, I am confused. Who put up the scaffolding and why do it before the road was fixed. In either case, who are we to believe put the grafitti on the statue, kids?

Now, you have to understand that anyone living in Rio would know that the whole country would not stop until they were caught. The grafitti said, "When the cats away the mice will play". Nobody in Rio is dumb enough to believe that marking the statue would help their political cause. It could only hurt it.

Finally, a Catholic church commissioned a crucifix that appears to have a erect penis. That is what the parishioners say, you check out the picture and say if the artist knew or did not know what they were doing. A Mockery.

We will skip how Elton John said Jesus was gay. We will skip all the other things that have been tossed at Jesus the past few weeks. They are all coincidences. At what time do things become a pattern? I say one is an anomaly, two is a coincidence, after that we have a pattern. Thats what the scientists finally said about the earthquakes and volcanos. It is science. LOL.

Please do not think that just because I haven't slept and am overly tired that I cannot string two absolutely differant things to make one point. The point is simple. Things may or may not be connected, at what point do the coincidences deserve attention and investigation. Pick a number than live by it.

I had a very nice conversation with the mother of the little boy I picked up. We talked about how things work. She worked at a prison, told me some things. Things are not the way we want to believe they are and lying to ourselves or thinking the best is garbage. Heck, I don't want to think my neighbor abuses his kids; however, if I see evidence of it I will not turn my head. That is self centered and garbage. It defines you.

I am home. I want to listen to music and be stupid. I want to wait for sleep to take me away, I want to feel tired. Perhaps I will. Be well.

Darnit, I forget something else. I had to go north to pick up a ladies son. It worked for me because I have wanted to see the Rosicrucian Museum. A very interesting place. The setting is San Jose, a lovely town, the buildings are very interesting. The staff were all excellent and very pleasant. Young kids, trying to learn about Egyptology. That is not the purpose of the museum.

The Rosicrucians use the sybolism of Christianity to teach gnosticism. I wanted to see how they reconciled such things. Their explanation, in their books, was that Jesus was an ascended master of the myster Babylon school of religion. Their complex was amazing, millions of dollars, I asked myself who paid for it? I mean how many Rosicrucians do you know?

When you find groups who you don't know a member of, it should speak to you, you are not one of them. You do not get the hidden secrets, you are not worthy. Hmmmm. That is the problem with all secret societies, for me. When you don't tell your friends that you are part of an organization, you must ask yourself if you should join such a group. I like what Groucho said, "I would never join any organization that would have someone like me as a member".

Brave New World

In England, the Times is reporting that within as few as three years it will be possible to have babies born with three parents. They would take two eggs and blend them, the sperm would be from one parent. They say it would prevent one hundred birth defects a year.

Building a better baby

What other "defects" will they correct. We know they want to "cure" autism. As someone with Aspergers, I don't need no damn cure. Who decides what is a defect? I have poor eyesight, I wear glasses. I will not get laser surgery. As a result of stress I had central serus retonopathy. I had never heard of it either. It means my body created too much cortizol (something like that) and it came out my left eye creating a permanent tear in the back of the eye.

My understanding is that my left eye will never work right again and it cannot be fixed. Big deal. So what. I can still see. Plastic breasts, liposuction, face lifts, that is how we squander our doctor's time. They say we do not have enough doctors, how bout if the ones we had spent their time healing rather than changing us.

Do you really think that tens of millions of dollars were spent so that people could have three parents to prevent 100 birth defects a year. It is an excuse to justify the real agenda. The real agenda is to be little gods, to engineer the future of man. That is dangerous.

As this technology progresses, will the government allow you to have children who are not "perfect"? What happens when all "birth defects" can be prevented? With universal healthcare, will you be allowed to place the "burden" of an imperfect child on society. Read up on the history of planned parenthood and its beginnings.

China had a one child policy, as a result it has more men than women. Female babies were often aborted in favor of male children. Societal engineering is fascism. It is the loss of rights. It is an abomination. Who decides, it won't be you or I.

Twits on twitter

I have written about privacy before. The library of congress is now going to archive every public writing posted to twitter. The need is non-existent. Your tweets are now and forever public record. Will that impact what people say in the future? I think so.

Twits

Chastity

How do you like that for a title. LOL. I wrote about it on a website once, created more anger than anything else I ever wrote and as any casual reader must admit, I can create conflict.

No sex for Lady Gaga

The post I wrote on the other site asked a simple question. Would you be with someone who said no sex until you were married? The question was received with pure hate and accusations. I was not recommending it or vilifying those who were not abstinet. Just a question.

I have chaste for something like 3 1/2 years. No biggie, had opportunities, turned them down. The ex did not turn me off to sex, just to being with people who don't take relationships seriously. There was a time when if you had sex with someone, you had to marry them. There was a reason for this. Sex is about more than the experience.

Sex is an opportunity. An opportunity to totally envelope yourself in another. It is a chance to know that you are not alone in this world. To feel anothers body as your own, to breathe in all that they are (something a friend said). To achieve this goal you must be more focused on your partner than yourself and they must be more focused on yourself than theirselves.

You may ask what the differance is. It is simple, you get to enjoy their joy and your own. You can respond to their twitches and they respond to yours, it can be a form of communication rather than just an act. Relationships can be that way.

So, chastity, the willing non-fun of sex, the refusal to have sex until you are convinced that you are with the right person. Why does the thought of that upset people? Hmmmm. Because they are denied the privledge of having sex with whoever they want if some refuse on moral grounds.

I dated a woman, she was very nice, very intelligent, very pretty and very engaging. I liked her a lot. On the third date she wanted sex. I explained that I was waiting until I met someone who wanted to be in a committed relationship with me. Blew her mind. I explained that I did in fact find her very beautiful, I did; but, I wanted commitment and neither of us knew what we wanted of each other yet.

One of my daughters thought I should wait five years. I think something about how long it takes to get over a divorce. One of my daughters did not think I needed to wait at all. The last daughter just wanted me to be ready and happy.

It is funny to me that people have an opinion about when I should be with someone again. I have an intent, my intent is to find true love. I actually believe it exists. I will find it and not be satisfied until I do.

As people, we tend to rush to the cookie. We tend to take pleasure as soon as we can. There is always a price for this. We cease being in charge of our decisions as we base them on who is putting out cookies, we are controlled when this occurs. We want what we want when we want it. We want immediate satisfaction. We we are not orgasmic, we are being denied. That is the thinking of the world. Not mine.

How well can we control our urges? It matters not what the urge is, sex, food, sleep, money, fame.... What does it matter what the urge is? How do we approach it, can we be patient? Can we earn it? Can we be honest in our pursuit of it? How we approach our urges is the definition of who we are, it is the test of faith, it is our proof of self.

Tougher question. How do we prove to another that they are special to us? If I sleep with everyone, how will that special person know they are special? How can they know in advance that I will be committed, that commitment is what I seek?

To some chastity is not about a lack of sex, it is about a commitment to the person to come. It is an evidence that when you are in a relationship, it will be your priority. Not a game, not a fetish, not a rule, an evidence. How can talking about not having sex be so controversial. Only if it is not about sex, it is about something else, it is about commitment, cleaving as one.

Now, apply everything I said above to society and see what you get.

Throwing Out Stuff

So I am throwing out 50 years of stuff. Some of it causes memories, most of it doesn't. It is amazing how much stuff I am throwing out. It is bizarre the memories that it causes.

One of the things I came across was an aniversary card from the ex. It was our 21st anniversary. She said that she planned on treating the coming year in a new way. She did, she had an affair. I guess that was differant. Felt differant.

While writing this, four people have interrupted me. They are all younger and staying with me. One is three years old, she only staying the night with her father who is visiting us. The cute little girl decided she would call me "Old Fart" the first time she met me. LOL. She calls her uncle that. It is her way of saying she feels safe around me. I like that.

She came up to my room and interrupted me to say thank you for getting her ice cream. I had been cleaning my room and she wanted to look around. She asked me how I shaved and asked me why I had a hairbrush when I had no hair. Her father grimaced when she asked me that. I thought it was great, she asked a truthful question. She saw the world for what it was, hasn't learned to lie yet. Hope she doesn't.

I showed her a picture I found of my family, when there was one, and my daughter. My daughter was about six in the picture, She is 21 and dating the little girl's father. I don't think she understood it was the same person. People change. I changed.

I do hope my writing amuses. It is nice to get things out and to write. I like writing, I like the freedom it gives me and it helps me to organize my thoughts. I think I am fairly good at it. In the end it is for the reader to decide. There is a French Director named Jean Cocteau. I never really cared for his movies; but, he is considered one of the greats. He said art can only be judged by the impact it has on the recipient. I agree.

Are blogs art? They can be, it is a matter of intent. My intent is multilayered. On occassion I write to be artful; but, not to create art. What than is my writing. Inconsistent.

Well, I did not do what I had intended. I did not write a melancholy piece on memories. Nope, not to be. Instead I had a bunch of young people interrupt me to request that I spend time with them. People in their 20s and as young as three want my company. Pretty good for an old fart. Be well.

Moving

On Friday I put my house up for sale. Today the realtor came by to take pictures. It hit me that I have to get rid of 50 years of stuff. It is a big job. I called a friend to borrow his trailer so I can send things to the dump.

Over the past four years I have moved about 5 times; but, all my stuff stayed at the house. The ex was still here. I told my landscaper that he could have all my tools. I have a lot of tools. I don't mind giving away my stuff, it is just things. It is more the thought of going through it all. Sort of the last vestige of my marriage.

I don't look forward to sorting through my memories. The ex's betrayal was not just her sleeping with another man. It was a betrayal of our life together, a disregard for our family and our memories. She did not take into account what the impact would be on our lives, she only thought of the moment. The moment is over now comes the hangover.

The odd thing is that I am the one left to clean up her mess. I must empty the house and close the door. I will be the one to turn off the lights. When I leave it will be to go to a much smaller place, perhaps a studio apartment. What to keep and what to get rid of.

On one level, I am prepared to throw everything out. Start over again with a clean slate. Yet, somethings were my parents stuff and have sentimental value. It is going to be a long week. I hope yours goes well.

A Dinner with Friends

Hi all. Just got back from a dinner with some friends. Two couples and myself. I was the youngest in the room. LOL. Don't get to say that often anymore. The dinner was arranged by my friend because his wife wanted to meet me. Why anyone would wish to meet me is beyond; but, some do. So there.

We went to a great restaurant, had a nice meel and talked. We did not talk about football, celebrities, the latest tragedy, our injuries or personal relationships. We talked about the world. It is nice to have an old fashioned intelligent conversation with adults. I would have preferred to have a date myself; but, that was not to be.

The gentleman whose wife wanted to meet me is a businessman. He has sat on many boards for many companies and organizations. Even sits on the Board of a University. I know some interesting people. I tend to be differant than most of the people they know.

Anyways, I had accurately predicted when certain things would happen in the economy in advance and I was time specific. I did not tell many people; but, I had told this gentleman. He was surprised by my accuracy. He continued to be surprised as I continued to be accurate.

Well, his wife wanted to know some things that were going on in the economy and what my thoughts were on the matter. We talked about the economy, politics and religion for three hours. Now the two of them know a lot of "important" and "influential" people. I asked them if they spoke to their friends about such things and they said that their friends were not interested in such things only chasing the next cookie.

The people that used to rule are no longer ruling. The people that ran business and influenced local events are no longer in charge and are quite confused. One third of this countries millionaires are no longer millionaires. They are quite confused. They are trying to figure out how to keep what they had. That is what these two saw in thier friends.

Many wealthy people see what is going and consider leaving the country. Can't take the money with you. Not an option. If they did leave, it would not matter. Things are the same all over. At present nobody knows who is next to get it. GM did not think they would ever get it, Goldman Sachs never thought their power and influence would be insufficient. LOL. Kiddies, this is not the past, there is a new set of rules and the old alliances no longer serve a purpose.

Those who have nothing to lose are not as concerned as those who do by the changed nature of our world. This is a time for courage and commitment to morals. That is the only thing that will allow one to go through this time and remain them.

The United States government has convinced the Swiss banks to give up information on people who are hiding money there. This is money that will be turned over to the Federal government. You are only allowed to take a certain amount of money out of the country. Most countries have such limits. Sophia Loren and her husband went to jail for trying to take their money out of Italy a number of years ago.

Well we talked about economics and business and where the country is headed. All of us are Christians. Towards the end of the night, the man's wife asked me about God and my thoughts on the matter. She asked how God could be all powerful and good at the same time.

The question is a variation on something many people ask. How can bad things happen if there is a good God. My answer always begins the same way, "Where does it say that life on earth is club Med? If one believes in God, one must ask why we suffer. I will simplify, why are we here at all, why don't we just appear in heaven?

This is a place of learning in my opinion, eternity is long and stagnation is boring. If we look around us we can see what things lead to growth, friction, water, manure, challenge. A good parent disciplines their child when they hit their sister. They show them why it is wrong. This is not Club Med. A good parent does not feed their child only candy, the child may not like vegtables; but, needs them.

Most people do not like my answer, they just want eternal vacation. They want to blackmail God into giving them a life of liesure and luxury. "I won't believe in you unless I get cookies". Just like a kid. We are kids till we decide to become teenagers.

Children need to learn to be responsible. They need to learn to respect one another. Only then can they be trusted outdoors by themselves. Learning is work, it is not playtime. We are accountable for our jobs. If we are to do our jobs well, if we are to refuse to lie, cheat or steal then we must define ourselves by something greater, the things we believe in, our morals. Candy does not lead to morals.

Whatever gets us the cookie is what we want to believe in. This is a mistake, we then give up our free will and will do what it takes to chase the cookie. We want to justify it by saying we didn't grow up, we didn't understand; but, we choose to not grow up or understand so we deceive ourselves.

I studied abnormal psych and took a class on Serial Killers with one of the foremost experts in college. My fascination was not with their activities, it was with how they justified their actions. That is fascinating. How does one become so self centered that other people's pain and anguish is an amusement?

There are two types of serial killers, psychopaths and sociopaths. They are not the same. Psychopaths lack conscience and empathy. They simply only care about themselves. They do not deceive themselves about what they are. They want what they want and will manipulate people to get it.

Sociopaths, in my opinion, are differant. They justify what they do to themselves. These may not be clinical definitions; but, they work as moral ones. Two sides of the same coin. One does not bother justifying, the other does. Sociopaths are around us all, they justify their action as being for a greater or more important good, usually theirs. They will say that everyone does it or that they are entitled. A psychopath just doesn't care.

Some will say these conditions are medical, chemical, biological or just that some people are asses. I disagree, they are conscious decisions. If you were to interview them you would find they are aware of what they are doing. Insane people are delusional, they do not view the world as it is, they cannot handle living in this world so they go delusional into a world that they can accept.

Psychopaths, using my definition, are fairly rare. Both are difficult to deal with; however, sociopaths are easier. They have some humanity left in them. Psychopaths just don't care. Oh, by the way, I am eating some candy tonight. There is nothing wrong with candy, failure to control our urge to eat it is the problem.

If we consider the movie "Wall Street", the Michael Douglas charachter was a sociopath. His statement "Greed is good" demonstrated a justification system. If he had said, "Do as thou will" he would have been a psychopath. If he had said that you are all that matters, he would have been a psychopath. What message do you hear in commercials and movies?

In my opinion, this life is about defining ourselves. It is about growing up and learning to control ourselves around the cookies. You don't need to spank teenagers, you should be able to talk to them. Still, even teenagers are a pain. Eventually, hopefully, children grow up enough to manage themselves. To be in public without having to worry that they will pick their nose at the table.

In order for our children to grow they have to be allowed to play with other children. When they do, they get into fights; but, they also learn to make friendships. I knew a woman once, a long time ago. She was a friend and kept an eye out for me; but, I didn't know it. I found out one day when she tried to protect me. She was just a kid and so was I; but, we liked each other.

You see we can learn to protect one another and grow up or we can find more ways to take advantage of each other and remain children. Children will do whatever they have to in order to avoid a spanking or get a cookie. They will make promises that they will never keep just for the cost benefit approach. If we allow this then our children do not learn, they do not grow up into anyone you would want to be around.

That is my answer as to why God can be good and all powerful. He chooses not to use his power so that we have the choice of growing up and dealing with him as adults. Children and bad parents don't like my answer. They don't live it either until they have to. Be well.