An Old Show

There was a television show on long ago called "One Step Beyond". The show was sort of like "Unsolved Mysteries", it was about things that were documentable; but, made no sense. I offer you one of the shows. It begins at 1:17:00 or show on the linked video. It takes about 25 minutes to watch.

World War I was a horrifying war and this video is about a strange event that occurred during the war. It is not the only one, another occurred at Christmas when the war was stopped in a place for a time with no authority.

I have sympathy for anyone who has ever killed for whatever reason. It is a burden that has a price tag within eternity. The hardest thing in this world is to forgive ourselves. Forgiving others is easier than forgiving ourselves. To forgive others is to the see that everyone is imperfect. To forgive ourselves requires that we see that what we did was evil, that we knowingly did wrong. To forgive ourselves when there is no room for justification, when we know the truth is painful.

There is something worse than anger, there is apathy. There is something worse than revenge, there is righteousness. I do not mean worse in wrong, I mean worse in painful, just and effective. Heartless; but, full of justification. The point in time when morality is a rule to be used for revenge rather than morality being the shape of our heart which takes into consideration our human frailty. I was a very bad man. When I was young, I was apathetic and self-righteous. If people think I am scary now, they have no idea what I was capable of. Heck, people cannot understand me now.

People look at me one way when I paying to feed the poor. People look at me one way when I am preaching. People look at me one way when I am doing my job and one way when I resting and reading and writing for my lovely readers. I am who I am and I am not who I was and God blessed me by keeping hands free of blood.

I grew up at a time when cowards avoided military service and my intent was to join. I was ROTC while the Vietnam war was still going on, it ended before I graduated. I was never involved in the draft, my intent was to join. I wanted to be a pilot, I wanted to kill other pilots. I wasn't interested in dropping bombs. I was interested in air to air combat. The military wished to put me in intelligence or law. I would have ended up in intelligence, they had sought me for a decade the little ....... Most analysts read a lot, they have a subject or country or whatever and are supposed to know everything about it and write papers about it, it is all very boring.

There is a different type of analyst, he reads all the other summaries. That is the one to watch for, he is the planner. Do not trust a planner especially not a contingency planner. They are heartless, they are apathetic and amoral, just like I was.

I will tell the truth (I have nothing else to offer), I changed because I felt tenderness. I did not know that one could be tender. I thought the world had to learn "no". People I know read this; but, I shall tell the truth. I had five gang members confront me when I was younger and still of a mindset. I determined the best way to deal with the situation was to rip the eyes out of the one closest to me. I had hopes for dealing with the rest; but, it is irrelevant to the issue. The issue is not that I would have defended myself in a harsh way, the issue is that I would not have cared at all what happened to them.

To tell the truth, the day I stood 5 men down was something that only made me see what I was capable of. Today I look at such thoughts with shame. I am not ashamed that I would have protected others or my country, I am ashamed that the damage I caused would have meant nothing to me because I would have justified it and felt nothing, not remorse, nothing. I allowed righteousness (even though an agnostic) to outweigh my love. Love may have to harm (slapping a babies hand for going near fire); but, it should always care. I felt that from one.

In everyone's life there is someone who cares. I was able to be that for a psychic vampire, nobody else cared; but, he knows I do. One person cared for me and it changed my world, I had to think about people. The Lord God was kind enough to give me a chance to never explore that part of me, he always gave me a second chance and I always chose to to try and be better. God does not direct us, he restrains us so that we can grow and learn and love.

What I have discussed is what the video is about. Click the link and move the cursor forward to 1:17:00 into the video and watch it for 25 minutes or so. During World War I, over a thousand soldiers throughout Europe saw a vision and for one moment they just refused to kill each other.

Today is the 4th of July. It is Independence day. It is a day when we celebrate killing lots of Englishmen so that we didn't have to pay a tax on tea. We have such fine justifications for killing people; but, would we say taxing us one cent for tea was worthy of killing others for? If I don't piss off someone with this post then I suck as a writer.

We started a war over a tax on tea and we all drink is coffee now. Don't you find that funny? I don't know how man people died in the Revolutionary war over a tax on tea, it was too many, I can tell you that and I hate kings and queens. Canada paid the same tax and they didn't have to kill lots of people to be a pretty good country. I cannot tell a Canadian from an American. So who benefited, are you better off than the average Canadian? I cannot celebrate killing anyone for any reason anymore. Peace and here is the link.

YouTube - The Best of One Step Beyond Over 4 Hours of PD TV (NOT owned by APM Music and AdRev) Again, move the little slide bar to 1:17:00 and then wait for 25 minutes, it is an amazing story that you might not know; but, it is true.

Rest in Peace Andy Griffith

Most people know Andy Griffith from his television shows. While those were all memorable, what many may not know is that he was also a standup comedian. His first comedy album created a character that was later in the movies. I thought you might enjoy hearing his best bit from his album.

YouTube - Andy Griffith - "What It Was, Was Football"

An Interesting Spiritual Video

I know that there are members of my audience that are Christians. I don't often post directly to them; but, on occassion I see something or read something that I think they will find interesting. Such is the video link that I will provide today. I don't have much to say about it as I have been preoccupied with other things; however, I found it interesting. Just as an update, I have managed to eat bland foods and drink more water. I also will never eat a chili pepper again or anything made with it if I can help it.

YouTube - The Isaiah 9:10 Judgment

In short, the video is about 9-11, a bible verse and how it was used to outline what the U.S. would do after 9-11. Personally, as I have said before, I believe the western world has seen it's best days. I did not come to that conclusion based on the bible, just based on our approach and refusal to set things truly right. We are still trying to play by the same rules that caused our bubbles and collapses, short term and selfish thinking. Still, the video raised some interesting questions.

Pimpernel is Better

Well after going sleepless all night and not being able to keep anything down, Pimpernel is better. Truth is, I don't eat spicy food for a reason. I have an allergic reaction to curry and a sensitive stomach. In the past two years I heard about the "ghost chili", I have watched videos of people eating them (they are the hottest chili in the world) and I cannot imagine why they would want to.

Anyways, today I have a work project that requires my time. I will drink water and work on my project and wish you all the best.

Tough Times for Pimpernel

The Pimpernel ate some Mexican food and didn't know it had chili peppers in it. I don't eat chili peppers. I didn't start feeling the heat until after I ate them and then it got bad. I have been unable to keep down water and have been throwing up. Somehow it is even hotter the second time around. That is my way of saying that you might get a mediocre post at best.

I haven't really written about the Affordable Care Act(often called Obamacare) because there is more than enough written about it by others. The conversations that I have read are all biased. Yet, they seem to miss the real issues. Do we wish to live in a country where healthcare is only available to some? It is a valid question, this may not be the best way in which to achieve it; but, I haven't heard an alternative put forth that would ensure medical care to all.

I actually read an article where someone was saying that by giving more people access to healthcare, it would cause waiting times to increase. The person was complaining that they would have to wait longer because more people would have access to healthcare. Do we not care about one another?

I have read how people thought the Supreme Court should have overturned the law that congress passed, not Obama. These same people complain when the Supreme Court overturns other laws.

The Affordable Care Act was not a new concept and it didn't come from Obama. The Clinton's tried to get basically the same thing passed when Bill became president. What is not being discussed is why this bill was necessary now and the reason is because we have an aging population. Over the next 20 to 30 years we are going to see millions of baby boomers getting old and taxing the medical system. There is simply not enough to go around and costs are skyrocketing. These are facts.

Now, in case you think I am a supporter, I am not. Just because I don't support this bill does not mean I am against the idea of universal health coverage. While this bill does not eliminate private coverage, it will result in the destruction of it for just about everyone. Once it is in place, tax payers will insist that all civil servants be on it and be taken off of private policies. Guess what, government employees are one of the biggest groups on private insurance and when they go off of those plans it will destroy private medical insurance. Citizens will insist that government workers go on this plan and local governments will be thrilled to reduce their medical expenses.

The big companies that still offer health insurance will switch over for the same reasons, to save costs. One concern I have is that people are going to resent the elderly, smokers and obese people even more than they do now. They will blame them for using more medical services.

I think my biggest concern is over how the federal government is taking over everything. The Federal government now controls all water, food, the internet and is currently seeking to regulate all local public easements (the streets). Our business and political leaders have lost all sense of morality and have become the epitome of selfishness and corruption. Even the police have become evil. Our government gave guns to Mexican criminals, that is why congress is talking about holding our Attorney General in contempt.

Our nation actively and openly supports torture and the majority of Americans agree with that. Guess what, you get the type of government you deserve. An open and free nation does not support torture, only an authoritarian government does. This country has been sold out by our politicians and big business.

We the people are responsible for much of this. When we were in the housing bubble, people only cared about personal gain. The children all became spoiled and disrespectful of their elders. We have seen these things before in history and they always go badly.

2 Timothy 3:1 to 3:5 says, "But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God--having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them."

I have very little hope for our country and none for Europe. The western world is in decline, we have been sold out. But then, did we really deserve to have as much as we did? We priced ourselves out of producing anything real. Have a great week.

The Blog Effect

As many of my readers know, I had intended this blog to only last for a certain period of time. I never intended this little blog to last as long as it has. I never thought that people would link to my blog. I never thought it would be read in other countries. These things have all amazed me.

Most importantly, I never thought that I would have any effect on other people's lives. I think of this blog the same way I think of eating dinner, get home, eat dinner and write the post for the night. It has changed my life too. I was stunned when the one and only Zuma Dogg sent me a comment and linked to me. I was thrilled when a professional writer became a follower. I cannot begin to say the complexity of emotions I have over the response to my words on Pastor Carol Daniels. How could I begin to have known that would happen in 2008 when I started this blog?

When I am writing, I sort of forget that some of my readers know me personally. When I am writing, I am so focused on what I am talking about that I forget people know me and that this is my blog. A while back I discovered that a friend was concerned over my not dating because they had read about it on my blog. When I am writing, I forget that some people see my face and me in my writing, I have to or my writing would be less truthful, I would hold back more and that would cheat my words meaning.

I was reminded of the effect this blog has on my personal life over the past couple of days. One person told me that I had to keep writing, that the things I bring up need to be brought up. That was my lead pastor. Just because he is out of the hospital doesn't stop him from being an evil task master. Another stopped me and wanted to discuss something I had written and offer me some personal advice. Isn't that wonderful?

I don't cuss on my blog and I don't allow profanity in comments. I read the news everyday and think about what I am going to post. I follow the proper etiquette for quoting other sources and I provide links to the best sources I can find. I attribute where I get my information from so that the reader can check for themselves and so that the originator of the story is given proper credit.

This is not the work of a professional writer, this is not subject specific, this is neither meant to be controversial or noncontroversial, it is meant to be truthful. I do not claim to be the source of all knowledge, more often than not, I am raising questions, you supply your own answers. I don't worry about how it looks, I don't worry about grammar, I worry about content and type it as fast as I think it. This is flow of consciousness at it's ugliest.

For me, the act of writing is sublime and transformative at the same time. Writing requires that we think a little more, the act of codifying a thought conveys that message. If we see something in writing we know someone had a pause between the thought and the act, that it was contemplative. You don't see that with Twitter, no thought behind what is said, that is why it only allows so many letters in a post, so you don't have time to think.

We have stopped teaching cursive handwriting in school and eventually we will stop requiring people to even write then we will end the need for typing, everything will go video. If you knew what was allowed in schools you would understand. We are raising a generation that has no patience and is no longer taught how things work. If the technology goes down, their lives are drastically impacted. The website "Twitter" was having problems and people were freaking out, they felt cut off from their friends, they felt alone.

Writing this blog has been powerful to me on a personal level and I never thought it would be. It effects me because I discovered it effected others. The written word is one of God's greatest gifts to us, it is the power of expression that can last from generation to generation.

I think about our lead pastor tonight, I doubt he would have known about certain things if it were not for the fact that I have written about them here on my little blog. When we write, we should write, we should be truthful, we should express our thought and beliefs in a manner that we think will allow others to understand where we are coming from. We don't have to be right, we have to be honest for that is when writing attains it's worth.

The conundrum of life is which is more important, truth or love? If they can diverge, which should win? Unknowing love or unloving knowledge? Both must exist for their to be lives of worth. There can be no joy in life if either or both is absent. Where does writing fit in with any of this? Writing must be an expression that includes both.

To the people who know me and those who do not know me in person. Thanks for sticking around, I wish you all well.

Open to Dating - I Think

I spoke to someone today who said that they thought I should date again and they even asked me why I was not. I told the truth, relationships are a lot of work. My youngest spoke to me about it also, she told me she thought I should just date a bunch of women and not be in a relationship.

It has been 5 years since my ex-wife asked for the divorce. I dated a handful of women, enjoyed each date and met some wonderful people. I never had a complaint. I enjoyed the conversations with people close to my age (only one person I dated was older than me, just worked out that way).

Anyways, I began asking myself what it is I would like to see in a woman, what kind of woman would the Pimpernel like to date. I will begin with the physical as it is the least important. I like women that are petite, with dark hair and blue eyes or green eyes. I like a well balanced proportion and nice legs. And if she was tall, red headed with brown eyes, that could be nice too. I just mentioned my preference, not a requirement.

More important things to consider in who I would choose to date. First and foremost they would have to be a Christian and committed to ministry of some type. Seeing as how I preach on the weekends, I sort of figure people who didn't feel the same way would probably not want to date me anyways.

One of the things I liked the best about dating was that the women were all intelligent. I love that in a woman, a keen mind and a good sense of humor. I could date someone that others found less than attractive; but, I could not date someone that was incapable of having a deep and meaningful conversation even if we disagreed. I wish to be challenged and I wish to challenge the people I interact with.

The real deal closer is gentleness. I like a lady to be a lady, I like a tender partner. I am not talking about someone who is submissive and a slave, I am talking about someone who actually cares about how those around her are feeling and doing. Tenderness of soul rather than a voracious need for stuff and "self-fulfillment" regardless of their effect on others.

I have a problem with people who have a 110 item long list on their requirements for a wife. I don't think my list is that long and I think it is reasonable, at a minimum, it is the type of person I would be happy with. Oh, I also want them to be about my age. I don't want to have any more children and I don't want to raise my partner. I don't have a specific age range; but, late forties to early fifties is about right.

Now, here comes the rub. If I met someone who met and exceeded all of my wishes, I still don't know if I would date them regularly. I am lonely at times; but, not often. I like female companionship; but, dread having to report all of my actions and thoughts. I am not so much afraid of being hurt again as I am of wasting my time on someone who will betray me and take advantage of my efforts. It is a lot of work to be in a relationship and I am just not sure it is worth the risk of making another mistake. I do believe there are good women out there; but, I don't think I can handle being wrong again.

Fear is a funny thing, I haven't felt it very often. I consider it sort of useless. I determined early that there are only so many ways that a situation can turn out. It can get better is the best situation or you can die. If you die, you really don't have any more problems. Therefore the worst case scenario is that your problems go away. Short term you could feel pain; but, lets face it, I guarantee you will die so even pain is temporary. I think I just want to avoid some pain in between now and then.

In my life I have been shot at, cut and beat with bamboo. I don't remember the pain of any of it. The worst pains I have felt in my life were when I needed a root canal and when I herniated my intestine. Those were the sharpest pains, the cluster headaches I had till I was about 30 were shear hell; but, less sharp. I know I can find a better partner then the one I had; but, I could also make some really bad mistakes. The betrayal was worse then any physical pain I ever had.

Do you like being my therapist? My therapist used to read my blog, maybe he still does. If he does then I want to thank him for listening to my nonsense for as long as he did. If I ever see him again, I might tell him the rest of the story; but, it just got weirder and weirder.

I don't know what kind of woman would want to be with me. I am not saying I think I am not worthy of being with, it is just I don't know who I would be right for. I think they would have to be smart and tender; but, I don't know what type of person would want to be with me. I think to be with me a woman would have to be secure in themselves. They would have to want to be with someone who preaches on the weekends. I think that leaves out a lot of people.

Well there it is, the ramblings of the Pimpernel saying what is in his heart. Thoughts with no conclusions, I am still learning who I am. Take care kiddies.