Off tomorrow so I will blather

I actually have something I plan on talking about; but, I won't be ready until next week as I am still collecting information. That created a problem as I wasn't thinking about anything else. Instead I might just talk about my shrink, I see him tomorrow.

I started seeing my shrink after my father passed away when all of the personal family problems occurred. It gave me a place to discuss my feelings more fully. For awhile every time I saw him it was to report on a new death in the family or of one of my friends. This time I guess I will discuss my aunts death. I don't think I would like his job. He helped me a lot over the last three years, there were certain things about the divorce and the ex that I couldn't discuss with my daughters or others.

I take it back, I don't want to talk about my shrink. I am tired of sleeping alone. Why is that? Why do we like to sleep together? Why do men like women and why do women like men? I understand the sex thing, I am talking about more than that, why do we seek a partner?

In some ways life is easier being single and not dating. It is much less complicated. Still, what is life if we cannot share it with another. Sharing joy somehow makes it even more joyous. Sharing pain makes it somehow less painful. Maybe this is about my therapist, although, I don't think sleeping next to him would help. Sharing your joy and pain with someone you do sleep next to is more comforting; but, I don't walk on that side of the street.

No, I think I still like ladies. It is nice to share with someone who is different then me on a fundamental level. I have often said that if you get a bunch of men together, they are going to have a stupid contest. We will compete to see who can drink the most, win the game, hit the hardest, take the best punch, do the dumbest trick, whatever. If you get a group of women together they will compete socially with each other.

When you mix men and women together, we both try and be on our best behaviour. We try to prove what we can be at our best. We used to try harder. We used to believe that being a couple was valuable, that we brought out the best in each other because someone else knew our weaknesses and strengths and would discourage one while encouraging the other, help mates each with different jobs and strengths.

I have known may gay people, it doesn't really effect me. I mean, I don't care if someone is gay or straight on most levels. I don't want to know specifics anymore than I want to know what straight couples do. That is a private matter. Over the years I have made some observations though. Many of them have been confirmed by gays themselves. They tend not to be monagomous (tend, some are) and they don't support each other in the same way. They tend to support their group rather than the couples.

I have continually refused to take a position on gay marriage. I just don't care, the government can allow whatever type of contracts is chooses. I don't see government "marriage" as a moral thing or a religious thing, it is a government thing. I don't recognize government's authority to "sanction" marriage only contracts. Marriage is a promise between two people and exists without government. Pair bonding has gone on as long as man has existed, we just called it marriage.

The bible says, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

The above bible quote is often used to say that only men and women should marry; but, this is not what is says, it is not what it was answering. The question it was answering was about God recognized marriage, not state recognized contractual obligations. It was in response to a question about divorce not homosexuality. Often people will combine it with other verses saying homosexuality is a sin; but, that is not what it was answering.

Let me explain, lust is a sin; but, we don't prevent people who lust from marrying and it doesn't end once married, neither does glutteny or all sorts of other sins. We continue to sin even once we have married. I am neither a proponent or opponent of "gay marriage", as I said I really don't care what the government thinks of marriage.

Lets return to the issue, the issue of union. God "marriage" exists regardless of government and government marriage is a joke, it is merely a legal concept which gives the government control over your money if you divorce, it does not "sanctify" marriage, in fact it brings government into your personal life.

We say that you are not divorced until the government says you are. In Panama you have to see a psychologist for two years to get divorced. Anyone who has been divorced knows that it is over long before the court "settles the matter". I don't understand why homosexuals would want a government marriage, it is easier to settle things by contract and you get to pick the terms.

So this post is not about gays or gay marriage. I still really don't care. It is about union of a man and woman. Why do most of us want to live with a member of the opposite sex? If men and women are so different, why do enjoy being with each other so much. I think it is because we hold each other up through difficult times and share each others joy.

I have a friend whose divorce took five years. He cheated on her and was dating the other woman and then another. That marriage had ended long before the court said so. I jokingly told her that Sandra Bullock got hers finalized in two months and ours took years. The government works quickest when you have lots of money.

I miss sleeping next to a woman because they are soft. That is not the primary reason nor the only one; but, it is one of my reasons. A friend wrote a poem called "breathe", it was really good. I still think about it. She talks about breathing her in, about being enveloped by her smell. I don't want to smell some guy; but, I love the smell of a woman, no perfume as I am allergic, her scent. Women smell different then men.

I went on a date with a woman and her smell at the nape of her neck intoxicated me. I am going to ask my gay friends about that, I am going to ask if they are intoxicated by the smell of their lovers. I have no idea what the answer will be; but, will be very interested to know. Hey, I said I would blather.

Men and women express joy and sorrow differently. I like how women express joy, it seems to be with greater abandon. Their sorrow seems a little more pained. I guess it is a trade off. That difference allows men to share a greater emotional range.

I am going to post a link to a clip from the movie "West Side Story", it is of a song called "I Feel Pretty". If a male friend of mine danced and sang like that because he was in love, we would beat him down and then probably kick him on general principal. We would prefer that he just say he was in love. Nothing too gaudy. Having said that, I would enjoy knowing that a woman sang and danced about me in that way. I guess I want to be with someone who has a greater emotional range than me and in exchange I will make less passionate decisions.

Passion and commitment are different. Passion is less trustworthy, commitment is just that; but, it can be placed to things and people that are not worthy of that trust. Trust is the key to both. Both passion and commitment are ill used if given to others who you cannot trust.

So tonight I will not sleep alone. I have not for about six months. My puppy insists upon sleeping in my bed with me. He will usually sleep next to my legs or my back. He doesn't smell like a woman; but, he is warm and being next to me makes him feel safe. The little rat gets angry when I go to work and howls when I leave. He gets really angry if I have been on a trip and return, he lets me know I have been gone to long.

Well I don't know if this post is up to snuff. I think it could have been better; but, not today. I don't know if it came together enough to have a point. Maybe it was just an exploration. Of what, I have no idea.

I will take one shot at summarizing. Men like women, being with them can be wonderful. Women like being with men, being with us can also be wonderful. God made men and women to be together because it can be wonderful. Not all unions are wonderful, sometimes you are with the wrong person be they men or women. Being with the right person will never fail. Be well.