I am a creature of habit in many ways. I like to have a stable base and then change things; but, I don't like my base to be unstable. For the past five or six years my base has been unstable. Now it is time to make a new base and I feel anxious.
Interrupted again. I wrote my intro hours ago. I cannot finish what I began. I suck. Be well.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Where are you being led?
The 9/11 mosque versus burning Koran garbage was just too obvious, meant to inflame people. The question is where are you being led. The answer in this article is to only listen to the official explanation. Respect their AUTHORITY. What a crock of garbage. The vast majority of Christians do not agree with burning anyone's bible and the vast majority of Muslims don't want to have a mosque at "ground zero". The vast majority of people want to have a simple life, love a spouse, raise their kids and not get brutally murdered or tortured. Isn't that how you feel?
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Something slightly sexy
Romance, it seems to be a dead art. Romance is considered a waste of time anymore. I was talking to one of the young men I know about why I have chosen to not take some of the feminine opportunities that have been available. When I was younger premarital sex was still frowned upon. It is difficult for young people to even understand how that effected the blossoming of relationships.
I explained how it was very common for kids to not be allowed to date until they were 16. I remember those times, I watched them come to an end. I tried to explain that you might have gone to elementary school with a girl and known her for ten years before you asked her out on a date. It seems alien to people today. I also explained that most people knew each other pretty well by the time they dated, they had grown up together. It is part of the reason there were fewer divorces in the past.
When people talk about how they married their high school sweetheart, it was often someone they knew as a child and had watched develop over the years. This was especially true in smaller cities and towns. Once the young couples had decided to date, then came the courtship. People have forgotten how wonderfully exciting courtship can be. I hope have not.
Courtship is a slow dance rather than a race for the bed. It was measured by how intimate you had become with a lady, a process not a result. Each time together you would get just a little more intimate, eventually this would lead to "heavy petting". The effect on people and their relationship that followed is different than what you get by sleeping together by the third date.
I wanted to write a story illustrating the difference and have decided to give it a try. Wish me luck.
THE DANCE
I remember the day I decided that I wanted to take Barbara on a date. I had known here since we were ten and had never thought of her as anything other than a girl. We had plenty of girls in our schools and she seemed to be just another. She was pretty enough and smart enough; but, growing up I was more into football with my friends.
Sometime around entering High School something changed. I can't tell you exactly what occurred but girls seemed much more interesting than they had. I noticed that people I had known since childhood began hooking up and going out together. I began looking at the girls differently, my friends and I would discuss what we thought of the different girls, their good points and bad points.
I hadn't noticed; but, over the last year Barbara had become less of a girl and more of a woman. One day my friend Steve was talking to me and asked me what I thought about Barbara. I didn't know what to tell him, something in my gut felt odd. I said I liked her well enough and moved on. I started thinking about her and watching her more as the days passed. I noticed little things, like the way she walked and how she played with her hair when she didn't know an answer in class. Stupid things really but I found them charming, unique to her.
One day, we had a show in the auditorium and I got to watch her sing. That was the day I decided that I would ask her out. Sitting in the dark auditorium watching her with spotlight on her I began to feel something. I felt I wanted to be alone with her.
SORRY, IT DIDN'T WORK. THE STORY FORMAT ISN'T WORKING FOR ME.
Back in the day, sex was not a for sure thing. Women were taught to be young ladies and it had meaning. The legs did not open unless there was commitment. You might date for years without having sex. In fact, the dating was the thing. Watch "American Graffiti" for a feel of it.
There was a time when women who slept around were considered "bad girls" and there was a time when there were "good girls". There was a time when there were gentlemen rather than studs. I see very few ladies and gentlemen anymore.
When young ladies were developing, it was a thing of beauty. It was something treasured and valued by men of class. Good men wanted a woman who would be a good wife and raise their children with the same values. It was a search for beauty rather than sex. The excitement of not knowing if you would would get to touch a breast. Quite an achievement at one time.
Intimacy is letting someone see and feel parts of you that you intend only for you and one other person. It is the exclusivity that makes it intimate. If you do not cherish your body and privacy then there can be no intimacy. Intimacy makes a relationship different than all of your other relationships. It makes your partner and lover your best friend, the one you tell your secrets too because they have proven their love.
Imagine, if you will, going into a relationship knowing that you will take your time in getting to know another. Imagine agreeing to take things slowly, the anticipation, the wonderment. Imagine getting each other one body part at a time.
The first date is holding hands, the second date is a peck on the cheek, the third date a kiss. The fourth date is a roundup of the previous three. The next date may explore arms. The passion builds, the sweetness of anticipation. Each step achieved individually, if done well then one is allowed to proceed to the next level.
There are people who practice tease, we have names for them. I am not talking about teasing, I am talking about timing. I am talking about learning. Learning what your partner likes. We all enjoy an orgasm; but, there are other things we can enjoy. We don't know what those are if we go straight to sex.
There are things I do not like, I do not like my nipples played with. I don't know why, I just don't like it. I like to hug a lot, that is wonderful foreplay for me. I like hugging; but, it has to be the right kind. The caring kind.
Experimenting and learning mean that you are paying attention, that being a good partner is more important than being an immediate partner. Some experiments will fail, that is great. The first time you have intercourse, you should know your partner so well that you cannot displease them, you should have driven the rest of the road in advance.
I have failed miserably, I have not presented what I am trying to explain in a satisfying manner. We live in a fast food culture, we are impatient about everything. We do not know the joy of anticipation. You should approach a woman's body the same way you approach Christmas, let the excitement build. You should approach relationships in the same way, you have a lifetime to learn them. Put things in order, don't start the mystery novel by reading the end.
Romance is missing from our world. Romance is a hesitant woman and a man who is willing to be patient and prove that he has a better self. After 24 years together, I still brought flowers weekly, as some died, I would replace them. I have faults, plenty, in fact as many as anyone else. But, I still believe in romance and in marriage.
I believe in marriage, I believe in growing together, even through the hard parts. I believe a relationship should have hard parts or it is not truthful. We are not perfect for anyone, we are practically perfect for someone. Learning our joys and dislikes is developing a relationship.
A relationship is not non-stop pleasure. Romantic love cannot be sustained forever; but, romance can. The giddy highs you feel at the beginning cannot be held onto for every second for decades. We like the giddy highs so many go into serial relationships constantly seeking the high. Sometimes a good buzz is better.
I just can't get this together right. I will post it but apologize that it didn't come together the way I wanted. It may have value but I did not get out what I wanted and I know it. Have a great weekend.
I explained how it was very common for kids to not be allowed to date until they were 16. I remember those times, I watched them come to an end. I tried to explain that you might have gone to elementary school with a girl and known her for ten years before you asked her out on a date. It seems alien to people today. I also explained that most people knew each other pretty well by the time they dated, they had grown up together. It is part of the reason there were fewer divorces in the past.
When people talk about how they married their high school sweetheart, it was often someone they knew as a child and had watched develop over the years. This was especially true in smaller cities and towns. Once the young couples had decided to date, then came the courtship. People have forgotten how wonderfully exciting courtship can be. I hope have not.
Courtship is a slow dance rather than a race for the bed. It was measured by how intimate you had become with a lady, a process not a result. Each time together you would get just a little more intimate, eventually this would lead to "heavy petting". The effect on people and their relationship that followed is different than what you get by sleeping together by the third date.
I wanted to write a story illustrating the difference and have decided to give it a try. Wish me luck.
THE DANCE
I remember the day I decided that I wanted to take Barbara on a date. I had known here since we were ten and had never thought of her as anything other than a girl. We had plenty of girls in our schools and she seemed to be just another. She was pretty enough and smart enough; but, growing up I was more into football with my friends.
Sometime around entering High School something changed. I can't tell you exactly what occurred but girls seemed much more interesting than they had. I noticed that people I had known since childhood began hooking up and going out together. I began looking at the girls differently, my friends and I would discuss what we thought of the different girls, their good points and bad points.
I hadn't noticed; but, over the last year Barbara had become less of a girl and more of a woman. One day my friend Steve was talking to me and asked me what I thought about Barbara. I didn't know what to tell him, something in my gut felt odd. I said I liked her well enough and moved on. I started thinking about her and watching her more as the days passed. I noticed little things, like the way she walked and how she played with her hair when she didn't know an answer in class. Stupid things really but I found them charming, unique to her.
One day, we had a show in the auditorium and I got to watch her sing. That was the day I decided that I would ask her out. Sitting in the dark auditorium watching her with spotlight on her I began to feel something. I felt I wanted to be alone with her.
SORRY, IT DIDN'T WORK. THE STORY FORMAT ISN'T WORKING FOR ME.
Back in the day, sex was not a for sure thing. Women were taught to be young ladies and it had meaning. The legs did not open unless there was commitment. You might date for years without having sex. In fact, the dating was the thing. Watch "American Graffiti" for a feel of it.
There was a time when women who slept around were considered "bad girls" and there was a time when there were "good girls". There was a time when there were gentlemen rather than studs. I see very few ladies and gentlemen anymore.
When young ladies were developing, it was a thing of beauty. It was something treasured and valued by men of class. Good men wanted a woman who would be a good wife and raise their children with the same values. It was a search for beauty rather than sex. The excitement of not knowing if you would would get to touch a breast. Quite an achievement at one time.
Intimacy is letting someone see and feel parts of you that you intend only for you and one other person. It is the exclusivity that makes it intimate. If you do not cherish your body and privacy then there can be no intimacy. Intimacy makes a relationship different than all of your other relationships. It makes your partner and lover your best friend, the one you tell your secrets too because they have proven their love.
Imagine, if you will, going into a relationship knowing that you will take your time in getting to know another. Imagine agreeing to take things slowly, the anticipation, the wonderment. Imagine getting each other one body part at a time.
The first date is holding hands, the second date is a peck on the cheek, the third date a kiss. The fourth date is a roundup of the previous three. The next date may explore arms. The passion builds, the sweetness of anticipation. Each step achieved individually, if done well then one is allowed to proceed to the next level.
There are people who practice tease, we have names for them. I am not talking about teasing, I am talking about timing. I am talking about learning. Learning what your partner likes. We all enjoy an orgasm; but, there are other things we can enjoy. We don't know what those are if we go straight to sex.
There are things I do not like, I do not like my nipples played with. I don't know why, I just don't like it. I like to hug a lot, that is wonderful foreplay for me. I like hugging; but, it has to be the right kind. The caring kind.
Experimenting and learning mean that you are paying attention, that being a good partner is more important than being an immediate partner. Some experiments will fail, that is great. The first time you have intercourse, you should know your partner so well that you cannot displease them, you should have driven the rest of the road in advance.
I have failed miserably, I have not presented what I am trying to explain in a satisfying manner. We live in a fast food culture, we are impatient about everything. We do not know the joy of anticipation. You should approach a woman's body the same way you approach Christmas, let the excitement build. You should approach relationships in the same way, you have a lifetime to learn them. Put things in order, don't start the mystery novel by reading the end.
Romance is missing from our world. Romance is a hesitant woman and a man who is willing to be patient and prove that he has a better self. After 24 years together, I still brought flowers weekly, as some died, I would replace them. I have faults, plenty, in fact as many as anyone else. But, I still believe in romance and in marriage.
I believe in marriage, I believe in growing together, even through the hard parts. I believe a relationship should have hard parts or it is not truthful. We are not perfect for anyone, we are practically perfect for someone. Learning our joys and dislikes is developing a relationship.
A relationship is not non-stop pleasure. Romantic love cannot be sustained forever; but, romance can. The giddy highs you feel at the beginning cannot be held onto for every second for decades. We like the giddy highs so many go into serial relationships constantly seeking the high. Sometimes a good buzz is better.
I just can't get this together right. I will post it but apologize that it didn't come together the way I wanted. It may have value but I did not get out what I wanted and I know it. Have a great weekend.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
The Coming of Direct Democracy is Bad
The sheep were intentionally rattled. The threats of global governance and stricter monitoring of us will have the real goal realized. The people of many nations are revolting against their governments. The call goes out to take back our governments. It is said in France, Greece, England, the United States and even Iran. People who are unhappy with the current state of affairs are throwing out people from all the parties to find people that are not "professional" politicians. They will succeed, sort of.
There is a call for a international referendum coming from Europe. Most states do not have initiative or referendums. They are tools used by governments whereby the people directly vote for a law. Sounds good doesn't it? It is good to a point.
I have spent 46 of my 50 years on earth learning about government. I know a thing or two about how they work, not just my own, I studied them all and their laws. I was one of the few to take classes in comparative law and comparative government. I see government as a necessary evil. I do not believe in direct democracy. People who know me will be quite surprised to learn this.
Direct democracy (as opposed to representational democracy) and proportional legislation are systems that are incapable of reasoned change and tend to make constitutions meaningless. Jesus told us to be good slaves for a reason, the majority of people make lousy masters and are incapable of being good leaders.
The founding fathers were smart, they studied what had been done in other countries throughout history. The Constitution created representational democracy. It allowed average people to vote for people they considered the most knowledgeable and reasonable to run the country for them. It worked so long as those were the people we voted for.
The problem we face today is that people now vote their pocketbook, they vote for people who they believe will institute policies that will favor them, rather than do the right thing. They vote for people of low morals who will vote for policies that favor them. Bill Clinton is a good example, he was immoral and lied and people voted for him anyways. I feel the exact same way about George W. Bush. I am neither a Democrat nor a Republican.
We do worse than waste our votes, we vote for people we don't like and don't trust, we vote based on color or gender or association. We vote for "our guy" rather than the right guy. We don't bother to learn the law or decide what policies are best. Political discussion in this country is limited to people getting angry and taking sides. Name calling is considered appropriate, consider the use of the word tea baggers. It is depressing to see our President use the term.
Direct democracy will only make things worse. People will still vote their pocketbook; but, will have no restraint. They will still vote their bigotry. We can know the biases of the people we vote for; but, how can you know the bias of a nation, you can only speculate.
Direct democracy works well in small, homogeneous societies. I lived in the last town to have Town Hall government in the United States. We had under 6,000 people in the town and one stop light. The town, I was told, was the second town founded after Plymouth Plantation. It was named after the Earl of Sandwich.
The Town Hall system worked because everybody in those small towns understood that their lives were intertwined, they depended on each other and to harm any of them was to harm them all so they spent a lot of time talking to each other to decide what was best. You cannot duplicate that on the internet, the voters do not depend on each other in a way that they understand.
I had more to say; but, I have been interrupted so many times that I just can't hang on to my thoughts. Sorry.
There is a call for a international referendum coming from Europe. Most states do not have initiative or referendums. They are tools used by governments whereby the people directly vote for a law. Sounds good doesn't it? It is good to a point.
I have spent 46 of my 50 years on earth learning about government. I know a thing or two about how they work, not just my own, I studied them all and their laws. I was one of the few to take classes in comparative law and comparative government. I see government as a necessary evil. I do not believe in direct democracy. People who know me will be quite surprised to learn this.
Direct democracy (as opposed to representational democracy) and proportional legislation are systems that are incapable of reasoned change and tend to make constitutions meaningless. Jesus told us to be good slaves for a reason, the majority of people make lousy masters and are incapable of being good leaders.
The founding fathers were smart, they studied what had been done in other countries throughout history. The Constitution created representational democracy. It allowed average people to vote for people they considered the most knowledgeable and reasonable to run the country for them. It worked so long as those were the people we voted for.
The problem we face today is that people now vote their pocketbook, they vote for people who they believe will institute policies that will favor them, rather than do the right thing. They vote for people of low morals who will vote for policies that favor them. Bill Clinton is a good example, he was immoral and lied and people voted for him anyways. I feel the exact same way about George W. Bush. I am neither a Democrat nor a Republican.
We do worse than waste our votes, we vote for people we don't like and don't trust, we vote based on color or gender or association. We vote for "our guy" rather than the right guy. We don't bother to learn the law or decide what policies are best. Political discussion in this country is limited to people getting angry and taking sides. Name calling is considered appropriate, consider the use of the word tea baggers. It is depressing to see our President use the term.
Direct democracy will only make things worse. People will still vote their pocketbook; but, will have no restraint. They will still vote their bigotry. We can know the biases of the people we vote for; but, how can you know the bias of a nation, you can only speculate.
Direct democracy works well in small, homogeneous societies. I lived in the last town to have Town Hall government in the United States. We had under 6,000 people in the town and one stop light. The town, I was told, was the second town founded after Plymouth Plantation. It was named after the Earl of Sandwich.
The Town Hall system worked because everybody in those small towns understood that their lives were intertwined, they depended on each other and to harm any of them was to harm them all so they spent a lot of time talking to each other to decide what was best. You cannot duplicate that on the internet, the voters do not depend on each other in a way that they understand.
I had more to say; but, I have been interrupted so many times that I just can't hang on to my thoughts. Sorry.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Another Day, Another Post
I was talking to a friend who works with me. She and I finalized our divorces at about the same time, hers took 5 years and mine 3. Sometimes I think about my life that evaporated before my eyes. When your spouse leaves you for someone else after decades together, it effects you in strange ways.
At first you may feel confused then depressed and then angry; but, even once those feelings have passed you are still left with ghosts. I do not miss my ex-wife and I do not ever wish to see her again, this is not about her. What I am talking about are memories and hopes and habits.
The memories get redefined in light of what we know. The hopes, the hopes for our future, our plans are discarded and new ones must be determined. That takes awhile; but, you start developing new plans eventually. The last part is the habits, the things you don't even think about. Things like which side of the bed you sleep on, how the toilet paper is put on the roll, which drawers hold the utensils, the million little habits that you developed overtime with your spouse.
The reason the habits are the last to go is because we don't even recognize them until something clicks. The habits need to go too. If we are to be free and ready to have a new relationship that is complete we have to renegotiate the habits with the new person.
The last remnant of a past relationship. The last anchor to a ship that has sailed. I am in the process of removing that anchor. I didn't know it was there. When you are the person who was left you have time to grieve and remove all of these barriers from interfering with having future healthy relationships. I am not saying it is easy, I am saying you have the choice to do so. When you are the person who left for another, that chance is a lot harder to come by, maybe impossible.
From others I have known who were in my situation, many chose to never fully trust the opposite sex again. Trust is a tough one and is the first one you have to deal with. You must make a complete commitment to trusting another again, trusting them as if you had never been hurt in a relationship. If you do not do that you will never address the rest of the grieving process. It is all or nothing.
I have not know the intimate scent of any woman other than my ex-wife. Scent is a very powerful memory inducer. As the years have passed the memory begins to fade. I wonder if the scent of my future partner will seem odd to me. It is these types of things that must fade from the memory before we can totally move on.
To have your spouse leave you for another is tough; but, on the bright side, you can move on completely if you work through it. I feel bad for widows and widowers because giving up those memories and habits is much harder. They have no reason to purge their memory. It is true that they do not need to deal with the betrayal; but, they must deal with things that make having a new relationship harder. They must deal with unresolved issues that they can never address directly.
"Gone With The Wind" is a great book and movie. It is about having your world taken from you. Everyone deals with the loss of their world differently. Some move on and others do not, they still miss the world they lost. I do not miss the world I lost anymore because I never really had that world. People around me were living dual lives not the ones I thought they were.
It is easier to come to grips with the fact that the life you were living was an illusion because you can see that it was an illusion and nothing you believed was true. The truth is easier than making up lies. It is harder to come to grips with the fact that the life you had cannot be achieved. Less hope in getting it back for a widower or widow.
And what of the cheating spouse? That is funny, they did not appreciate what they had so they must look for something different. There is nothing to mourn because they did not like what they had, they wanted more. It becomes a question of whether or not anyone will ever treat them as well. Sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes the answer is no. It depends on how they were treated, life remains the same.
My ex-wife's mother is a very nice lady and I love her dearly. I have never said a bad thing about her and I never will, I have nothing bad to say about her. When she was my mother in law, in 27 years of knowing her we only ever had one disagreement and it was minor. I miss her dearly and will love her till the day I die. She left her husband, I do not believe she cheated on him and have no reason to believe so. She left because she said he did not adore her enough, that is what she told my ex-wife. Years later she never found someone who did love her as much as he did, she said leaving him was the greatest mistake she ever made.
Being with someone means hard work. The love part is great and sex is a pretty nice cherry on top of the ice cream. Problem is that we live in a world that requires much of us just to get by. Most of us must work and we cannot romance every second. That can be hard on the person who isn't doing the work to understand. My ex-father in law worked hard, I worked hard, my ex-brother in law worked hard. They all married men who worked hard to provide for their families.
My ex-father in law and I did not always get along. I did not like the way he let his new wife treat his children from his prior marriage. I would not have had that issue if his ex-wife, my ex-mother and law had still been married to him. I liked his work ethic and sense of humor.
There are few people in this world that can afford not to work. Most women will never meet one of them. While romance and excitement 24 hours a day may seem like a nice dream and can be obtained in spurts, it cannot be sustained in this world. If your fantasy involves a life of uninterrupted joy, you are in the wrong place. If you wish to be "adored" 24/7, you are not going to find it.
What do you look for in a relationship? What is achievable? What if, what if what you look for is commitment to grow together, to go through the tough spots and know that the high spots will come back? That is reality, that is life. That is the best we can hope for. Jumping from person to person to keep up the highs cannot succeed, this is not Club Med. Instead you are left with a series of relationships that never fully developed, arrested development is all you get.
I thank my co-worker for the conversation we had today, she is very insightful about some things. It caused me to think and right, this has helped me to understand myself. I believe I am ready to move past the habits and develop new ones. It is not so much about being willing to move past as it is about being open to developing new habits and new patterns. Patterns that you can only develop with a new partner. I think I am ready now.
UPDATE
I was wrong, I passed this part earlier, I just didn't know it. Scent, the scent of a woman. I had sniffed the nape of the neck of a woman I dated and had been intoxicated by her aroma. It was one of the women I dated. I did love her aroma, I was able to be excited by new women. I was able to progress in my experience of dating. I kept getting closer to what I need and what they need. I thank everyone of the women I dated for helping me to heal and see how amazing they can be as they progress.
Perhaps I have answered my own question, am I ready to move along to a new relationship? I think the answer is yes. I think it is just a matter of being patient and waiting till I meet the person who is also ready. Be well and may God keep you in his good graces.
At first you may feel confused then depressed and then angry; but, even once those feelings have passed you are still left with ghosts. I do not miss my ex-wife and I do not ever wish to see her again, this is not about her. What I am talking about are memories and hopes and habits.
The memories get redefined in light of what we know. The hopes, the hopes for our future, our plans are discarded and new ones must be determined. That takes awhile; but, you start developing new plans eventually. The last part is the habits, the things you don't even think about. Things like which side of the bed you sleep on, how the toilet paper is put on the roll, which drawers hold the utensils, the million little habits that you developed overtime with your spouse.
The reason the habits are the last to go is because we don't even recognize them until something clicks. The habits need to go too. If we are to be free and ready to have a new relationship that is complete we have to renegotiate the habits with the new person.
The last remnant of a past relationship. The last anchor to a ship that has sailed. I am in the process of removing that anchor. I didn't know it was there. When you are the person who was left you have time to grieve and remove all of these barriers from interfering with having future healthy relationships. I am not saying it is easy, I am saying you have the choice to do so. When you are the person who left for another, that chance is a lot harder to come by, maybe impossible.
From others I have known who were in my situation, many chose to never fully trust the opposite sex again. Trust is a tough one and is the first one you have to deal with. You must make a complete commitment to trusting another again, trusting them as if you had never been hurt in a relationship. If you do not do that you will never address the rest of the grieving process. It is all or nothing.
I have not know the intimate scent of any woman other than my ex-wife. Scent is a very powerful memory inducer. As the years have passed the memory begins to fade. I wonder if the scent of my future partner will seem odd to me. It is these types of things that must fade from the memory before we can totally move on.
To have your spouse leave you for another is tough; but, on the bright side, you can move on completely if you work through it. I feel bad for widows and widowers because giving up those memories and habits is much harder. They have no reason to purge their memory. It is true that they do not need to deal with the betrayal; but, they must deal with things that make having a new relationship harder. They must deal with unresolved issues that they can never address directly.
"Gone With The Wind" is a great book and movie. It is about having your world taken from you. Everyone deals with the loss of their world differently. Some move on and others do not, they still miss the world they lost. I do not miss the world I lost anymore because I never really had that world. People around me were living dual lives not the ones I thought they were.
It is easier to come to grips with the fact that the life you were living was an illusion because you can see that it was an illusion and nothing you believed was true. The truth is easier than making up lies. It is harder to come to grips with the fact that the life you had cannot be achieved. Less hope in getting it back for a widower or widow.
And what of the cheating spouse? That is funny, they did not appreciate what they had so they must look for something different. There is nothing to mourn because they did not like what they had, they wanted more. It becomes a question of whether or not anyone will ever treat them as well. Sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes the answer is no. It depends on how they were treated, life remains the same.
My ex-wife's mother is a very nice lady and I love her dearly. I have never said a bad thing about her and I never will, I have nothing bad to say about her. When she was my mother in law, in 27 years of knowing her we only ever had one disagreement and it was minor. I miss her dearly and will love her till the day I die. She left her husband, I do not believe she cheated on him and have no reason to believe so. She left because she said he did not adore her enough, that is what she told my ex-wife. Years later she never found someone who did love her as much as he did, she said leaving him was the greatest mistake she ever made.
Being with someone means hard work. The love part is great and sex is a pretty nice cherry on top of the ice cream. Problem is that we live in a world that requires much of us just to get by. Most of us must work and we cannot romance every second. That can be hard on the person who isn't doing the work to understand. My ex-father in law worked hard, I worked hard, my ex-brother in law worked hard. They all married men who worked hard to provide for their families.
My ex-father in law and I did not always get along. I did not like the way he let his new wife treat his children from his prior marriage. I would not have had that issue if his ex-wife, my ex-mother and law had still been married to him. I liked his work ethic and sense of humor.
There are few people in this world that can afford not to work. Most women will never meet one of them. While romance and excitement 24 hours a day may seem like a nice dream and can be obtained in spurts, it cannot be sustained in this world. If your fantasy involves a life of uninterrupted joy, you are in the wrong place. If you wish to be "adored" 24/7, you are not going to find it.
What do you look for in a relationship? What is achievable? What if, what if what you look for is commitment to grow together, to go through the tough spots and know that the high spots will come back? That is reality, that is life. That is the best we can hope for. Jumping from person to person to keep up the highs cannot succeed, this is not Club Med. Instead you are left with a series of relationships that never fully developed, arrested development is all you get.
I thank my co-worker for the conversation we had today, she is very insightful about some things. It caused me to think and right, this has helped me to understand myself. I believe I am ready to move past the habits and develop new ones. It is not so much about being willing to move past as it is about being open to developing new habits and new patterns. Patterns that you can only develop with a new partner. I think I am ready now.
UPDATE
I was wrong, I passed this part earlier, I just didn't know it. Scent, the scent of a woman. I had sniffed the nape of the neck of a woman I dated and had been intoxicated by her aroma. It was one of the women I dated. I did love her aroma, I was able to be excited by new women. I was able to progress in my experience of dating. I kept getting closer to what I need and what they need. I thank everyone of the women I dated for helping me to heal and see how amazing they can be as they progress.
Perhaps I have answered my own question, am I ready to move along to a new relationship? I think the answer is yes. I think it is just a matter of being patient and waiting till I meet the person who is also ready. Be well and may God keep you in his good graces.
How Strange Politics Is
I want to make sure I understand correctly. Jerry Brown is running for Governor. That much I know. He came to Los Angeles to raise money and announce his commercials were coming out. Okay. The party was attended by Public Union Leaders and John Perez. Mr. Perez is the speaker of the State Assembly and the cousin of the Mayor.
Jerry Brown filed a civil law suit against Mr. Alfred Villalobos and a former CalPers Board member named Fred Buenrostro for fraud. Now that was odd because you usually file criminal suits for bribery. It is also claimed that Mr. Villalobos gave a $300,000 condo to Mr Buenrostro when he left CalPers.
Mr. Villalobos claims that Mr. Brown knows he did nothing wrong and that he is being prevented from calling certain CalPers personnel to testify. Sounded sort of like a threat to me when I read it originally. These things often get interesting as they play out. This one is.
Mr. Villalobos then filed bankruptcy. The judge in the bankruptcy case said he would block the suit against Mr. Villalobos for bribery and fraud. How fortunate for Mr. Villalobos. The judge could not have done it if Mr. Brown had filed a CRIMINAL case against Mr. Villalobos. Why didn't good old Jerry file a criminal case? Don't you want to know?
Now another ex-Calpers member decided to invoke the fifth amendment 126 times when asked if he had received any gifts from Mr. Villalobos. In short, that means he refused to answer the questions on the grounds that it might incriminate him.
Mr. Perez is interesting, he rented an apartment from CIM Group in their Gas Company lofts, a project he voted on to subsidize. Our friends at CIM had paid Mr. Villalobos $16 million dollars for being a placement agent for CalPers.
It seems like everybody is friends. Politicians, Union Leaders and CalPers officials. The people who have lost their retirement are the union members and the people being asked to pay more into the system are the taxpayers. Maybe they should be asking why Mr. Brown did not charge Mr. Villalobos with a criminal suit. Well, in his run for governor it looks like at least he will have union leadership support, he shall not have mine.
Jerry Brown filed a civil law suit against Mr. Alfred Villalobos and a former CalPers Board member named Fred Buenrostro for fraud. Now that was odd because you usually file criminal suits for bribery. It is also claimed that Mr. Villalobos gave a $300,000 condo to Mr Buenrostro when he left CalPers.
Mr. Villalobos claims that Mr. Brown knows he did nothing wrong and that he is being prevented from calling certain CalPers personnel to testify. Sounded sort of like a threat to me when I read it originally. These things often get interesting as they play out. This one is.
Mr. Villalobos then filed bankruptcy. The judge in the bankruptcy case said he would block the suit against Mr. Villalobos for bribery and fraud. How fortunate for Mr. Villalobos. The judge could not have done it if Mr. Brown had filed a CRIMINAL case against Mr. Villalobos. Why didn't good old Jerry file a criminal case? Don't you want to know?
Now another ex-Calpers member decided to invoke the fifth amendment 126 times when asked if he had received any gifts from Mr. Villalobos. In short, that means he refused to answer the questions on the grounds that it might incriminate him.
Mr. Perez is interesting, he rented an apartment from CIM Group in their Gas Company lofts, a project he voted on to subsidize. Our friends at CIM had paid Mr. Villalobos $16 million dollars for being a placement agent for CalPers.
It seems like everybody is friends. Politicians, Union Leaders and CalPers officials. The people who have lost their retirement are the union members and the people being asked to pay more into the system are the taxpayers. Maybe they should be asking why Mr. Brown did not charge Mr. Villalobos with a criminal suit. Well, in his run for governor it looks like at least he will have union leadership support, he shall not have mine.
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