Dear Reader

I just received the call. My aunt has passed away. She was the elder of the family, the last of three sisters. She had watched two of her sons pass away during her life and two of her sisters and brother. She is out of pain now.

A time of passings.

Single Again

I got a call from my attorney. She is great. She told me the paperwork was finalized and accepted by the court, I am officially single. Look out ladies. LOL. Apparently, it was finalized on April 15th.

It has taken three years. It has been a long, annoying experience and it is done. All she gets now is money.

I have dated a bit; but, did not get serious because I was not divorced officially. I enjoyed dating, being out to dinner with wonderful ladies. I enjoyed knowing that there were so many wonderful women out there. I think my heart had to have hope again. It does.

There are people who after having their spouse cheat on them never trust the opposite sex again. I chose not to go down that road. I choose to trust and to love again and now I am free to. I left my marriage with clean hands. I had even offerred to reconcile because I believe in marriage.

Tonight I am going to open a bottle of champagne. Not to celebrate divorce, I grived my divorce for three years. I am celebrating a new beginning. For the first time in 27 years I am no longer in a relationship. I am single. I am at peace.

I do not feel a need to get in a new relationship. I do not feel pressured to be with someone. I look forward to being with that special someone, it will happen when it happens. I am neither avoiding it nor pushing it.

My house is being sold, my aunt is dying, I am divorced. Lots of endings. With these endings comes a new adventure. I do not know where it will take me. All my life I knew what I wanted to do and have done it. Now, I have no plans. I don't need any. What a strange feeling it is.

I wish to thank my family and friends for having helped through my trials. I don't know what I would have done without all the love and support I have been given. I thank my friends in Oregon and Washington for giving me hope that I could be social.

I think this is a time for rest for me. A time for putting things away. I have forgiven the ex and even her "friend". I have forgiven them in my heart. A time for putting things away. What is behind me, is behind me. What is in front of me is yet to be determined.

I am ready to begin a new chapter. I enter it with clean hands. Not everyone can do that. I never cheated on my wife, I never abused her and gave all I had. I have no regrets for anything. Did the best I could, the outcomes are what they are. All we can do is our best.

Waiting on the next phone call

I am waiting for the next phone call from my cousin. Need to know what he needs done. In the meantime I am keeping myself occupied reading the news.

I wish to make a prediction. Everytime you log onto the internet, you are assigned what is known as an IP address. Some internet providers give one each time you connect to their system. The IP address can change based on where you are connecting. If I am travelling and use differant hotels the IP for my computer will change each time.

My prediction is that IP addresses will be permanently assigned to individuals someday, same as a Social Security Number. The better to track you my dearie. It is but a minor guess and a relatively easy one at that.

Did you catch the article about the cameras in Pennsylvania laptops. Turns out the school had tens of thousands of photos of kids in their homes. George Orwell had nothing on these clowns. I will tell you right here and now that the next ten years are going to make your head spin. We will see more change than in the last 1,000 years.

The changes that are coming are decisions for individuals to make about their lives. If you wish to compete in business, you will need to "upgrade". Your life will rely on technology if you let it, if you want the cookies. Our relationship with our government will continue to change. At some point we will believe that we have more input, that will be a mistake. We will have more input over non-essentials. We will have less input over how the game is played.

Here is a prediction. How bout home schooling. LOL. There is not enough money to pay for enough teachers. What if rather than building schools, children could attend any school they wanted on line from home? Save a bunch of money. You would only learn from the "best" teachers and would not need as many. We will see the best working and the rest on permanent unemployment/welfare. We will see this in other industries also.

Most people are so busy looking for their cookie that they cannot see the infrastructure change. Watch the infrastructure. In boxing, you do not watch your opponents fists, you watch his shoulders and will know where his fist is going sooner.

On Passings

Today the Doctors finally told us that my aunt will not be getting better. Instead she will be passing on. I have made the arrangement for eight or nine funerals in the past ten years starting with my mother. The last funeral I arranged was for four family members at one time. I do not know how many other funerals I have attended as I lost count, my therapist says I should not try to remember. I agree.

Each passing is differant. Two of the people I knew went off the side of mountains. Quick and scary; but, they died immediately. Five died from cancer or side effects of chemo or radiation. Those were the most difficult. They lingered and experienced too much pain.

My mother died unexpectedly while on vacation. A vessel in her brain burst. She was the first of the group that followed. I was not there when she passed away. I held my father's hand as he passed on. I watched him drift away. It was peaceful after over a year of non-peace.

Something I have learned is that often the people passing on know it is coming. When they do, they also seem to know when it is time to just let this world go. When they come to that point, they become calm, not scared. I believe God reaches out to them in those moments and helps them to the next place.

When I was in law school, I used to ride a motorcycle to the college. One day I was coming down a hill. At the bottom of the hill was a traffic signal. I knew where it was. I looked at it to see what color it was, it was red and then changed to green. I knew that I did not need to slow down and so I sped up. Unfortunately a number of cars decided to hit each other in front of me, they did the car dance and managed to completely block the lane as I was headed to them at about 70 miles an hour.

You cannot stop a motorcycle doing 70 in a block. I attempted to break. On a bike it is best to use the rear break so as not to flip the bike. I did use the rear, the tire swung back and forth, not a good thing. I blacked out about 20 feet away from the cars, next thing I knew I was on the other side of them, unhurt and still on the bike. I looked back and the cars had not moved. It made no sense to me then and I still do not know what happened. I knew it was a miracle. I stopped riding bikes not long after, no need to push it.

I have told that story for over 25 years and tell people I still don't know what happened. Sometimes God intervenes. It was not my day to die. I have poisoned twice and still those were not my days either. Then there is the story of the politician who stubbed his toe and died, it infected. There is one man who has been struck by lightening 7 times, 7. The odds of being struck by lightning are one in 700,000. Want to calculate his odds?

The point is that it is hard to tell when you will die. Some people have survived jumping from the Golden Gate bridge. What I know is that we all pass on. When you do pass on, your perspective changes. All the garbage of this world falls away when you know your time has come. You see what your life really meant to yourself and others, even the lies fail.

I sat in my Mercedes SLK in Baker, California one day waiting to die. I had all the signs of a heart attack. I believed in my heart that my time had come, I was wrong. One day I will be right, maybe today; but, I sort of doubt it as my health has improved. That does not mean that I will not be hit by lightning.

When a loved one passes we are saddened, we are saddened for OUR loss. When a loved one has been in pain, we are saddened; but, there is a part that is glad they no longer in senseless pain. When a loved one dies quickly, we are shocked, especially if they are young.

We have lengthened our average lifespan, not the limit. We have not changed the outcome and never will. Not on this earth. This is but a place of temporary placement, a learning ground. Some people fear passing on so much that they try to find a way to live on earth forever, to never grow.

I feel sorry for aethiests, they have nothing to look forward to. I like what W.C. Fields said; "I feel sorry for a man who doesn't drink, when he wakes up in the morning he knows that is the best he is going to feel all day".

Life is temporary, a vapor in eternity. Even if we lived to be a thousand years old it is still just a vapor. There are people who would sell their soul for eternal life on earth. That is quite insane. If you have a soul then you are already eternal, just new journeys to explore. Why would anyone want to stagnate on earth?

I pulled my back this morning, I am having some difficulty sitting up. Still, I have managed to begin making arrangement for my aunt's funeral. I make them in my head, remember who, what, where and how. We will have bagpipers at the funeral. We will all get together, those of us who are left, we will drink and play cards and tell stories about each other and my aunt.

Wakes are for the living. It is our attempt to come to grips with the fact that we have lost a dear one. Sometimes I achieve a goal and want to call my mother or father, I cannot, they are dead. My mother never saw me rise to the hight of my industry, never knew what she had contributed so much to. My dad did, he was very proud. I am grateful that he knew.

I am not afraid of death, not mine and not others. I am however saddened when those I love are no longer around so that we can interact. I believe with my whole being that there is something beyond this life. Some people have had near death experiences, there is a lot of talk about it at the moment.

Some scientists, sound like experts to me, believe the experience is linked to carbon dioxide; but, that answer does not work. The experiences that people have are very similar. Some blame it on DMT being released, that does not work either, the experiences are too similar. The truth is that some get a glimpse into the next world, it is merely a glimpse. It results in calmness.

My world is all passings at the moment, losing my house, finalizing divorce and watching my last elder who I interact with pass on. With every passing comes a new beginning. We must honor our passings, experience them, grieve, remember and move on. It takes as long as it takes, we should not linger in any part too long or we stagnate.

Paying for Sex

Now that should get someone's attention. There is a professor at a local university who runs a website dedicated to rating and finding sex in Thailand. The University was contacted and he refuses to shut down the site.

College and Sex Sites

Now, paying for sex is legal in many countries including England and Australia. Personally, I do not believe in prostitution. Heck, I do not believe in promiscuity; but, these are personal beliefs. They are in regard to what I would endulge in. If the sex trade with adults is legal in Thailand, how can it be illegal or even improper for someone to post about it.

I want to be clear, according to the article, the Professor specifically states that sex with minors will not be discussed nor condoned. We can discuss what is the appropriate age of consent; however, in the United States it is usually under 18.

The question then becomes should people in America be allowed legally to support things that are illegal in America being done in other countries where it is legal. The question is harder than one might assume. In Europe it is legal to have sex with animals. It is not legal in America. Should Americans be allowed to travel to Europe to have sex with animals? How would we know their reason for travelling?

The general rule is very biblical, when in Rome do as the romans. This is to say that you must follow the laws of the country you are in. It gets complicated if you marry a ten year old in Saudi Arabia and then bring her to the United States. You are now in violation of our laws and have chosen to be here so you have chosen to be under our laws. Jail time.

The internet makes national boundaries less clear. The answer is still to be found. If all one does is talk about it then it would seem to be a matter of free speech. If they are making money from it then they have crossed the boundaries. This is to say that putting up a website that had people pay to have sex with minors in other countries violates our laws regardless of the country that the sex occurred in.

Marijuana is illegal in Japan, very much so. Should a Japenese blogger go to jail for rating marijuana sold in America? What if he told Americans who to buy it from? What if he had people in America selling it and taking a profit?

These could be questions of international law or local law. The decision will be left to the courts and congress. The right decision is to allow societies to choose for themselves rather than having international law imposed on them. Think about it.

Odd Bits

Just some random links, maybe you can find meaning in them.

Two rabbis kneecapped in Los Angeles

No charges against former General Manager of Bldg and Safety

Elliott Broidy Pension Corruption

Broidy connections

Los Angeles money laundering and the Israel connection

So if you read the articles and the prior ones on pensions a picture emerges. An odd picture to be sure. There appears to be government pension money going to investments in Israel including the pension for the City of Los Angeles. The investments fail to the tune of $350 million and no investigation is done.

At the same time, Los Angeles was being used as a major source for money laundering, again, going back to Israel. The Prime Minister in Israel who brought the pension funds over is hiding in Spain and is being charged with corruption in Israel.

As things were unfolding, kidnappings and kneecappings are going on. Who knows what and who is talking? Well, Mr. Broidy is talking. Seeing as he moved hundreds of millions of dollars, he might be saying interesting things. It is funny how most of these people invested in politiicians. Heck, Broidy was a major supporter of the governor and the Mayor.

How does someone, anyone, justify receiving over $200 million just for making introductions. Mr. Villalobos. If you clicked the link, you now know that Mr. Villalobos was a Deputy Mayor under Riordan. Another tie between CalPers and the City of Los Angeles retirment systems. Another tie to another man who is investigated for corruption.

Public funds are the next Madoff

By the way, this is not some stupid "Jewish" conspiracy. This is international corruption and the players are all over. When the pension investigations are over, you will find that every religious and non-religious group was involved. It is about greed and corruption.

The people involved were less concerned about nationality and religion than they were with money. The people who took kickbacks, the pension board members, the businesses, they represented a wide range of interests.

What is amusing is that what finally broke the story was money from the pensions going to Peggy Lipton, an actress and funding a film she made. What is the nature of corruption?

Corruption is a moral fault, it is allowing oneself to do as one pleases and not worrying how it impacts others, it is the heart of the rat race. We do know right from wrong, we feel it in our hearts. Greed and lust go together and lead to corruption. Wherever I find one, I find the other.

The solution to corruption can either be a lack of privacy and close control or a change in our ways. People do not start out as adulterers or liars or thieves, they work towards it over years. They give up boundaries in exchange for treasure. The bible says something about where ones true heart is there also is what they treasure. What do you treasure?

We should treasure one another and doing what is best for all. Do you? What do you treasure? You can figure it out by looking at what you protect and seek. Excuses do not change the reality of what we seek. Coming up with justifications for why we seek it does not change WHAT we seek. It is a matter of trade offs.

Dogs do not know the differance between right and wrong. They merely know what they like and have to do to get it. They like cookies and don't like being hit. People can rise above that and live by intent. It just takes the willingness and want.

What happens when we all do as we wish and don't worry about each other. It becomes a competition of the most corrupt and a brutal world.

What a week

I need a break, I am glad tomorrow is Monday and I can go to work. Picked up someone's child, 800 miles round trip and two days. Got home and had to help a family member because of another familiy members illness. Got home, today, after some people came by to view my house which just went on the market, then I had to calm down a myriad of people having personal issues. Tell me where God said this is just like Club Med. LOL.

I have too much road rust in my head, too little sleep, too many things going on at one time and too little sense. I think everything is going fine. I have ten people sleeping in my house tonight. I do have a tendency to take on more than I should. Oh well, you only go around once in life, do it with heart and love. You only get one chance to be a better person.

Just rambling, I do that sometimes. I haven't had a chance to read all my news sources. I hate that. I feel retarded and off schedule. I try to read at least 20 news sources a day, not every word, just all the headlines and some of the articles. The funny thing is that the papers all carry the same articles mostly. I am more interested in the local stuff across the world.

I don't need to read so many newsources, I know what time it is, it just is part of my routine and I like consistency. Haven't been able to listen to my music for four days, I am tonight. Consistency. My life is a circus; but, somethings I try to do each day.

A young man, the one I picked up, is in my house with his mother tonight. He has a place to stay. When the realtor came by to show the house today I was with my relative. I was away. When I returned the young boy said he didn't like the people who looked at the house. He had lost his home, that is why he is here. I understood what was on his mind, he was worried he would lose his place to live.

Imagine being a ten year old boy who has had to move away from his father to be with his mother who is living in someone else's house. How secure would you feel? I understood his fears. I called mother into my room to have a discussion. I offerred to take the boy with me when I move if she does not have a place. I won't even date women with kids or the ability to have any. Shoot me.

I cannot take everyone with me, I cannot assure everyone a place to stay. I can make sure that one little boy is covered. Crap, when do I get a break? What does it matter, I have the chance to be the better me. After speaking to the mother, I took the boy aside and spoke to him as an adult. I told him that he would never go without a place to stay if I were alive. Shoot me, I will buy the bullets.

I am 50 frickin years old and just made a commitment to a ten year old. I will keep it because I said it, I knew what I said when I said it. Someone had to and nobody else could. This world is not Club Med; but, I thought we could get some vacation time if we did what the world asked of us. I was wrong.

Someday perhaps I will find love. Perhaps, somebody will connect with me in a way that I do not have to fear. There is one I miss so much. She is the dangerous type to be sure. Someone who will only tell the truth, someone who will risk it all for another because it is the right thing to do. I still have hope there are others that will do the right thing for the right reason. I read about one today.

So, there was this golfer. He was about to win his first PGA tournament. He called a penalty on himself. If he had not, he would have won. He did the right thing, he called a penalty on himself. He admitted he had made a mistake, it cost him about $600,000; but, more importantly it cost him the win, the record book, the endorsements, the fame. He did the right thing for the right reason.

Too many people take the easy way out, too many look after themselves first. I want to take the easy way out, I want to be selfish; but, I want to be a better me more than I want comfort. I have a friend named Debbie, she is an amazing women, gives to everyone when she has nothing to give, she is an inspiration. I pray for her, I pray for God to bless her and smite her enemies, those who would deceive her. I hope she reads this.

There are still good people in this world. She is one and I know others, I try to be like them. I fail miserably. It is not about failure of success, it is about honestly trying. I can do that. So can you. So did that golfer. It is not about being a saint, it is about trying and failing and trying again.

I bet I fail tomorrow, I bet I failed at something today. I tried, I tried as best I could given today. Not perfect, not what I could have done if I were 20 years younger and with less road rust on my worthless ass. I did try, that is the best I had. I believe God gives credit for trying, I think that is all we have to do, not justify, not explain, try.

OH my gosh. My daughter just came in my room a few minutes ago. I told her what I did about the boy. She hugged me. I cried. She asked me if I thought she had a heart of shit and agreed with my decision. I cried again. Pretty cool to have such a daughter. I need to go to bed. May God hold you all in his hands, he does me.