Sunday, January 9, 2011

Can't Sleep

I have to move what I am keeping to my new apartment in a week. I will have to turn on utilities, get a truck, pack and head out. What an odd feeling it is. For the past three years my life has been on hold. Now it looks as if that is all finally over.

I am not sure what to say. I am not sure what I feel. I am not sure what I think. I am plain not sure. The last decade was sort of harsh on me. I did well in my career but too many deaths and too much deceit by others. Sometimes I am shocked that I am still around at all.

I look at the world and laugh. Most things going on I had told the ex about waaayyyy in advance and she knows it. My kids know it. I even have a good read on what will occur next. Sorry, been playing poker which would explain the "good read" comment.

As I look at the coming year I ask myself what I want. I haven't asked that question much in my life. I am asking it now. I want peace. I want quiet. I want to be with with a woman who loves me for who I am and knows who I am. I want to be with a woman who I understand and love fully.

I don't want money, fame or garbage. I really am not that materialistic. Cookies are for children, not for adults except in extreme moderation. Cookies should be treats and not training tools.

What is the most you can do with your life? Right now, what is the most you can give. I am not talking about money, though ask yourself that too. What is the most good you can do for others at this exact moment? Have you even gotten close to giving it all with no return in sight?

My poker friend, he took in a homeless person that he didn't know. He did too, something we have in common and it was the same person. What can you do today that screams faith? I am not asking anyone to do anything, I am certainly not asking everyone to take in random homeless people; but, what can you do?

Can you do anything? Can you forgive someone who is dead? That isn't much to ask. Can you give a dollar to feed someone even if you think they are going to buy booze? Is there any good in you? None of us are good but we all have some good in us.

I will request the following. If you have had any enjoyment from my blog, do something nice for someone who doesn't deserve it this week. Anything. There is a caveat, you have to do it for someone who cannot possibly pay you back and you can't tell anyone else. You may not think you can benefit in any way from what you did.

I had a vision once, it was of hell or at least my fear and understanding of it. It was eternal solitary confinement. Every chance we get to help, to make things better is a chance to avoid my vision of hell.

This is a very strange post, all over the place. LMAO. So what. Have a great day and week, I think I can go to bed now.

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