Sunday, May 8, 2011

Cheating on Your Spouse

I was reading on Shine (part of Yahoo) and there was an article about how the day after Mother's Day was the second most popular day for women to cheat on their husbands. Anyways, it got me thinking and I began reading personal stories about cheating from all sides. One article was about people who didn't regret what they did, another asked why the "other person" saw the innocent spouse as the bad one and the adulterer as the good one.

I then went to a few forums on relationships and read the breath of issues people were facing in their relationships and it had all kinds of issues, most were sexual; but, that was far from the limit. I remembered hearing about a website that helped people to cheat and decided to look at it. I do not provide a link. It is a free site where married people can find others to sleep with just for sex.

I read somewhere that over 90% of adulterous affairs end and the couple (can I call them that) never marry or become serious. People risk everything to cheat and then don't become a couple. So it is not about relationship, it is about temporary pleasure. It is more common for couples to stay together after infidelity than it is for the adulterers to become a couple, I find that strange and yet, it makes sense.

I have not been sexual with another person for four years. I like sex; but, it is not the focus of my life. It is a benefit that we get to share with a partner. The thrill of meeting someone new can be very intense, it is filled with possibilities. The adrenaline that one must experience while cheating must be intense. I believe that the intensity is why people fool themselves into thinking they are in love.

The question about the "other person" is interesting. If you sleep with a married person, how can you respect or trust them? How can they trust you knowing that you are okay with cheating? Even more is how can a cheating spouse ever complain about someone cheating on them? The minute you justify cheating, you justify your being cheated on.

When I met my ex, she told me she was divorced, I later found out she was in the process of being divorced. She had moved out and was living alone with her daughter and waiting for the court to finalize the divorce. My divorce has been finalized for well over a year, it took three years. I have no idea how many people my ex slept with while we were waiting for the court to finalize things, it was zero for me. I dated a few times; but, it was more for companionship. Even Pimpernel gets lonely sometimes, not too often; but, sometimes.

As my ex-wife never discussed what she did with me or express any regrets at all, I cannot imagine how it effected her view of herself. The ex seemed rather proud of what she did; but, when her sister decided to do the same she told her that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Who knows the reason why, I certainly don't. I doubt the "other person" regretted it; but, I haven't discussed it with him.

When I meet others who have been cheated on and divorce, I always tell them that it just keeps getting better and it does for us, we don't have the guilt and we haven't justified others cheating on us. I forgave the ex and the "other person" a long time ago, I don't agree with what happened; but, time does heal all wounds.

I assume that for a cheating spouse to move on and trust in a relationship again they must first accept that what they did was wrong. This would seem to be necessary in order to not feel someone else was justified on cheating on them in the future. I very much doubt my ex has gotten that far in her thinking; but, who knows.

I don't have a visual picture of my ex anymore, not in my mind. Not an accurate one. I can only imagine what it will be like in another ten years. Perhaps that is the answer to quantum physics and the spooky effect, it is when two beings cease effecting one another, when what happens to one has no direct effect on the other and the further apart they are, the less it matters. Perhaps the real spooky effect is how we can live on this earth and not feel the others. The real question is not why there is quantum entanglement; but, why it is not more common.

See I got it back to quantum physics. I like quantum physics.

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