Sunday, May 1, 2011

Mother's Day

Next weekend is Mother's Day. So many have passed since my mother passed away. I was given a little insight into her death that I did not know until yesterday. We shall skip the specifics, see, specifics don't always help.

In either case, I for 25 years had a Mother-In-Law and a wife who is the mother of my children. I have neither anymore. As much as I love my ex-Mother-In-Law, she is no longer my mother-in-law. I would like to continue sending my exMIL a card and flowers; but, it would not be respectful of her daughter, for it is her mother and not mine.

My eldest is my step daughter, raised her since she was one. Heck, I put her through college, that one I cannot give up even though her husband told me she was not my daughter. He doesn't get to make that choice. Why do I see the two situations as different?

I struggle with this. This is why adultery and divorce are not simple matters, they effect everything, unilateral choices that effect everyone around you for the rest of your lives. The ex thought that nothing would change, that is naive and incorrect. I had no choice in the matter and neither did my exMIL, nobody asked us; but, it effected us and our relationship.

Perhaps I would feel different if the ex didn't live with her mother; but, I don't think so. Perhaps I would feel different if we had parted on better terms for a better reason. If the ex had died (not something I want) I would have still been able to have a relationship with my exMIL, probably.

No matter what, she was a wonderful mother in law and I always want her to know that I love her, that doesn't change and never will. She was there for me when my mother died, she was a great comfort. I have been to many funerals, way more than I should have. I probably will not be able to attend my exMIL's funeral and I am okay with that, funerals are for the living. When she does pass away (and as far as I know she is great shape for her age, always was) I will grieve.

Next weekend I will be alone at home, I have no mother to take out and my housemate will be with his mother. I shall probably feel bad that I am not with my exMIL; but, I am sure she will be with her mother and will do something nice for her. I do hope my children remember to send the grandmother a card and let her know how special she is and of course tell their mother how nice it is to have a living mother.

Not everything I write about is topical or spiritual or amusing, some things are just what they are, me trying to figure things out. I have been accused of thinking I know all the answers. Nothing could be further from the truth, I just address the questions that I have on my mind.

For those of you who can, next weekend is a good time to let your mother know that you appreciate her, they aren't with us forever. Father's day is coming up and my father is also dead. I will proably spend that day out of town, I will celebrate that I am a father by myself. Being a parent means that you never get to be right again.

Today I am washing my laundry, doing dishes and general housekeeping. Tommorrow I will go to work and make believe that I care anymore. I will take care of business; but, there is no joy in it anymore, too much resistence to doing things right. Don't feel bad for me, I having the best time of my life, very peaceful.

I got up this morning and saw my housemate, I said "coffee good", he agreed and we stumbled across the street to get some. I walked in and must have seen 5 beautful women. I like to see pretty girls and there are more than I can count where I live. Funny thing is how calm and relaxed it is where I live. The weather is wonderful here, no tornadoes, no floods, no snow.

Someday I may marry again, I guess I could have a new Mother in law; but, it is also possible that if I did marry that at our age, her mother could be dead and I may never get to know her. In either case I will never forget my exMIL and how kind and loving she has been over the years. I hope and believe that she feels the same way about me, I tried to be a good son in law and took good care of her daughter and she knows that.

Have a great day, a nice week and be nice to your mother. Let her know what she did for you and that you appreciate it even if you don't always get along.

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