Saturday, March 14, 2015

The Rat Pack - Vampire Killers

This is just a story, it is a nonsense. It is a story I have been playing with for years. A thought, an amusement, I hope you like the set up. If you do let me know. What follows is a complete lie. If you like it, let me know.

The Rat Pack - Vampire Killers

I used to work for one of the members of the rat pack. I was an assistant to Joey Bishop, a gopher. Go for this, go for that. As jobs go, it wasn't bad, he treated me well enough and I got to see a lot of big stars. I met them all. Vegas, London, New York, I saw the world and got paid for doing it. I also got to see behind the scenes and now that they are all dead I can tell the truth. The Rat Pack was not just a bunch of friends, they were vampire killers.

I know that you may think I am joking; but, I am not and can prove it. I was there for some of it. I wasn't there when Kennedy met with Mr. Frank Sinatra and told him that the nation needed him and that him and his friends would be perfect undercover Vampire killers. I wasn't in the room but Joey told me about it as Mr. Sinatra had told him and the other members of the Rat Pack when he recruited them to help him.

They way Joey told it, Humphrey Bogart and his friends had gone to Las Vegas and killed a den of vampires. His friends included people like Swifty Lazar, Spencer Tracy, David Niven, Cary Grant and even Errol Flynn. That can be looked up on the internet. They were the original Rat Pack sometimes called the Holmby Hills Rat Pack. They came back from Las Vegas after killing a den of vampires and Bogart's wife, Lauren Bacall said they looked like a pack of rats. Not surprising considering the fact that they were covered in blood and beat up from fighting the vampires in Las Vegas.

Las Vegas is a funny place and the perfect home for Vampires. It's a 24 hour town loaded with people who don't know anyone in the area. Vampires could just make them disappear and everyone would assume they were buried outside of Vegas by the local gangsters. Hell, it was the gangsters that made the government aware of the vampire problem. Bad for business. When Vegas was run by the gangsters there was no crime in in Vegas not even prostitution was tolerated by the gangsters within the city. You had to go outside the city for hookers.

I guess I have to tell you the truth about vampires. Contrary to the stories you may have heard, they are not supernatural beings and do not have strengths beyond physics. They do not change into bats, they cannot fly and they do not have superhuman strength. They do live off blood and can live for a very long time. They are nothing more than serial killers. Being a vampire is a choice. You make a deal with the devil, you will live off the blood of others and in exchange you get to live longer. It is not all they consume. Most of the time they eat the same food as you and me. They don't just drink blood, that would be stupid. They drink water, coffee, booze and lots of things. Hell, they love energy drinks. They seem to be caffeine freaks. I guess it makes sense if you are up all night. Oh, they are not afraid of the sun, they work at night so they are not seen and the Vegas heat is hot as can be during the day anyways.

I think I got off track. I'm getting old and as far as I know am the last of the crew that helped the rat pack battle the bastard vampires. I wasn't the only one that helped them, there were others; but, I think I am the last that is still alive. All the jobs have been pasted on to others, to younger people. Maybe I will talk about that later.

Anyways, the way Joey told me was that one day Bogart decided that he and his crew could no longer be the vampire killers for the government and Kennedy decided to ask Mr. Sinatra to take over. That was a tough one. Kennedy and Mr. Sinatra were tight, real tight. Mr. Sinatra was critical to getting Kennedy elected president and you can look that up too. In order to pull it off it was imperative that Kennedy distance himself from Mr. Sinatra, nobody could know or suspect that he knew about the vampires and that the government was seeking them out. After Kennedy blew off Mr. Sinatra, nobody would have suspected that he and his friends were working for him.

So vampires were the real reason that the rat pack made their home in Vegas. They came to kill vampires.

The way Joey told it, Mr. Sinatra took them all into a room and told them that the president wanted them to find and kill vampires in Vegas, their home. They stayed at the Sands hotel and casino. They stayed up all night with the perfect excuses and killed vampires. You might wonder how they knew who the vampires were, the professional poker players spotted them. All night poker is the perfect way to find them. They have to make money too. Night time waiters, cocktail waitresses, dealers, players, you name it, people who are invisible and work at night.

You think this is beyond belief, you doubt me. Read Chuck Barris's novel, "Confesssions of a dangerous mind". Entertainers have been used before. Watch the biography of Houdini, he was a spy in world war one. This was nothing new. Read about Hedy Lamarr, the actress that created a tool to use against the Nazi's in World War II. Everyone gets sucked into war, even celebrities and we were at war with the vampires and still are. We just have the advantage now because of Mr. Sinatra.

1 comment:

sizzlingcell said...

LOVE IT ! This needs to be on the big screen !!!