Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Change and Moves

The building that Pimpernel lives in is being sold. These things happen and I was looking for a place to live when I moved here, so it is not a big deal. When I moved here I had just lost my home, I had lived in my own home for about half my life. I lost my home because of the divorce costs. Not the first or the last to face such a thing. I needed to move fast and a friend had an apartment for rent, I looked at it for two minutes and rented it. The building is older, I didn't care, it has limited amenities, I didn't care annnnnd, I just didn't care about anything, it was a place and I needed a place. Heck, my friend's family owned it and it was small (6 units). Small, closer to work and quiet, those are the things that mattered to me at the time. The building worked for me and I was able to live simpler and quieter and stress free after years of high stress.

I don't know how long I have lived here, I guess I could go back and read my posts to figure it out. I don't really care exactly how long ago; but, I think it was about six years ago. In the end it was where I needed to be at the time and worked incredibly well with me for my healing. Turned out I ended up really liking the location and have made many friends in the area. Now, I must leave and I think the timing is great. I am a lot better than I was when I moved here and I think it is time for a new adventure. I have no idea what that adventure will be; but, it will involve meeting new people and seeing the world in a new way. I think just maybe, it is time for me to be forced to look outside again. I think for most the past six years, I have looked to the past in my life and that maybe now, it is time to move on.

I have moved across the country four times and within those areas many, many more. In my first year of law school I moved five times. I moved a couple more before graduating. I moved three times in elementary school, three times in junior high and once in High school. My sibling have moved much more than I; but, it doesn't really seem to bother then. I think I am more attached to places than they are, or maybe they just adjust more fully. I never forget the places I live, they all hold memories for me. I guess land is like a touch stone for me, a memory trigger. When I moved from the first house that I owned I thought about my kids growing up in it, when I moved from my last house I thought about how it was a comfort to me as I went through the single worst part of my life. When I move from here I will remember how it helped me heal. I have good memories of this place and I was here when I needed to be here. I think we should look at our lives that way and appreciate what we have been blessed to enjoy.

Where I go from here is a little less clear. The problem is me, not opportunities. In my life, most of my moves have not been by choice. Those that were by choice were usually made for the benefit of others. I bought my first house so that my kids could have a backyard and more space, even though it meant I spent two hours a day on the road at a minimum and usually meant four hours a day. The other house I bought, I bought because I needed to take my father in to assist him. By the way, my father needed very little assistance, he just lost his short term memory, his attitude remained amazing.

I have a tendency not to change the places I move to, I tend to adjust to my surroundings. My sister changes her surroundings to fit her, as does my brother. I don't, I adjust to my space. I don't tend to buy new furniture, I don't have a look in mind, I don't think about what I am going to do with a space. I only question whether or not I can adapt to it. The one thing I will put up is art; but, even there, there is no plan. I put up what I feel like putting up and that alone can take a very long time.

I guess the reason this is all on my mind is because I am being forced to ask myself what I want again and actually have time to decide what I want. Where do I want to live, what sort of situation do I want to live in, those questions matter and I don't have a lot of experience answering them.

This blog is about change and what it means. While the change I write about is usually political or scientific, sometimes it is about personal change. "Gone With The Wind" is about change and how people adapt to it or fail to adapt. I adapt and if I am to tell the truth, I think the changes over my life have given me a certain ability to adjust; but, I always ask myself what the past has meant; because until we learn from the past, we cannot adapt to the future.

I hope you are all having a great week.

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